Analyze thyself

The last 6 days have been full of it. Pages and pages written in several states of mind. All rehashing the life experiences and blunders. Blaming each for cultivating me into the flexible and yet endearing individual I am today.

This morning was calm enough, hanging out as usual at the Bakery. But before I could leave. Before the morning could end in perfection, a lecture sat on the horizon. Not from my father, or my boss. No. Advice from a relation we will leave at once being a closer friend than as of recent.

This lecture was ALL about what I NEED to do. That is, based off of the perceptions and programming that are reasonable to this individual. Maybe I am wrong… maybe I am not the only one who knows what I NEED. However, I live under the life philosophy that “no one knows what YOU need, better than you.”

I found myself caught in conflict. Do I argue my point? Give examples and persuasions toward the benefits and freedoms of my lifestyle? Or do I sit silent, nodding, knowing inside what my Truth is?

So what, if I am okay being a Bohemian? Whose business is it but mine. I am not imposing my lifestyle on anyone. I take care of my own business; no one is supporting me, I am not living off the government. I make my way with peace and piece of mind. I am drastically underpaid, and yet I work hard with a solid ethic. These things are praiseworthy. However my desire to live in a tent, or to work minimally for a while is seen as bad and terribly unconventional. My “friend” says that I can not live this way forever.

Who says I can’t? I suppose if I choose to, and I am suffice to live with it, than I will do just that. I haven’t spent any of this life time trying to mimic anyone’s behavior for any other reason than jest, why would I start now. If we ever want to see a less conventional, free willed, free-spirited world, (which most wish for in jealousy, and few follow the path of,) then we must embody those traits individually with intense uniqueness.

I am more than ready to embrace this part of myself, despite what anyone else thinks is best for me.

I appreciate the concern, I admire the audacity to vocalize such concerns, but I am fuckin’ happy being me with out the burden of illusion. 40 hours a week in a job I find emotionally and physically draining may be conventional, but it isn’t for me.

I’ll side by passion, I will commune with nature and breathe expression, in this way, you may call me crazy, you may shake your head, and I will simply ask “why you are so fucking concerned with my life… I am living mine to the fullest spiritual creative expression, can you say the same for yourself?

Money is good, but faith that all good things come in time builds a patient heart. The Universe only asks us to focus on our best possible selves in the NOW. It’s a tough enough task. Let’s all just agree to make the best decisions we can for ourselves without impeding on anyone else’s path. Perhaps we will all find there is plenty to work on, and no time to burden our minds with what we can not change in others.


Ride high Independence.

The struggle to maintain connection to Divinity continues. It’s challenges set forth in each moment to be content. While wholeheartedly in this moment, I do not feel it for myself. I am bored. I want someone to entertain me. I am not entertaining myself.
Claddagh desperately needs to go for a walk, I am an unwilling companion. Unnecessary attachment has me wondering about another individual, too immersed in these thoughts, am I, to “just be here, now.” What a bad example I am setting. Today I am not in demand. I am not working, bored, and pretty awake. My body needs to move, I want to dance, but there is no music. The integral part. And yet, I don’t want to be seen dancing.
EWWWW, today is a cluster fuck of clashing feelings. If satisfaction were perused, I am sure to come up short. It seems as though, when I ask internally what I should do, I come up blank. There is no answer and this discontent isn’t conducive to how I WANT to feel, what I want to experience.

The signs say to retreat into the woods, to think, to not react. To distance myself so that I can re-commune with a clearer head, and a wiser heart. The child says, “NO”.

At times the teenage rebellion keeps me from what is best for myself…still the Faith of connectivity with my Higher Self, prevails more often than not.