Over the years, I take to notebook and write humor or sketch comedy, in order to process my observations and emotional pains. I have been constantly reaffirmed in repetitive mental cycles, and actions; especially when it comes to my ability to try and function in a relationship.
I have the type of mind that fixates on certain things that make me uncomfortable. The more I fixate, the further I want to run away from the fixation. A very Dolittlian “push-me-pull-you” situation.
People are funny like that, and I am no exception. So, to humor you, through my dysfunction, I bring you this short sketch that I wrote sixteen years ago. I think it’s funny because, I still struggle (almost two decades later) with the same intimacy emotional issue, I was dealing with then.
Silly Human, when will you learn?
And now, I present you with “That Guy.”
Lisa and Brian are set up by their mutual friend, Megan. Lisa and Megan are on the phone, “pre-date.”
Lisa: Megan, he sounds really great! It sounds like we have a lot of the same interests, and I totally trust your judgement in the looks department.
Megan: Oh, you are just going to fall in love with him! I’m sure of it! So, where are you two going for dinner?
Lisa: I didn’t tell you? Ohmygosh… we both LOVE the same restaurant, Luigi’s! So, that choice was a no brainer.
Megan: Oh, you are going to have the best date! I am so excited for you! It looks like it’s getting around that time, I should let you go get ready.
Lisa: Good idea! Talk to you later?
Megan: Yes! Call me as soon as you get in!
Brian is at Lisa’s door at 5:30, on the dot. Flowers in hand, he looks very presentable and gentleman-like.
Lisa: (opens door) Hey, you must be Brian!
Brian: (speaks at the same time) Hey, I am Brian! (they giggle) I brought you these.
Lisa: Tigerlillies! Those are my favorite flower! How did you know?
Brian: I guessed.
Lisa: Let me put these in water, and then we can go. Megan told me quite a bit about you Brian, I think we are going to have a wonderful time!
(In the car, driving to dinner)
Brian: Yeah, me too. Wow, we really do have a lot in common.
Lisa: It’s awesome that you love snorkeling, too!
Now we focus on Lisa’s internal dialog.
Lisa: Oh man, Megan was right! We do get along great… and he is SO CUTE!
Brian: I am planning a group trip in August…
Brian switches to a new lane, and neglects to turn his signal off. Lisa notices quickly but doesn’t say anything.
Lisa: Okay, he just switched lanes, and his signal is still on…. it doesn’t look like he is going to go over any further. I wonder why he doesn’t notice his signal is still blinking. Hmmm, maybe it’s just because he talking to me right now. Or maybe he is just really focused on the road and our conversation… he must not hear that annoying click-click sound. It’s cool, though, right? I mean it’s probably to early to tell, but what if he is THE ONE? He has so much ambition, and energy…
Brian: So have you ever been the Cayman Islands?
Lisa: No, but good snorkeling, huh?
Brian: Oh just beautiful! I also love to go to….
Lisa: It’s STILL going. Click-Click, Click-CLICK. How could anyone ignore that? He must be distracted. Even though he is driving, he is looking at me a lot… and smiling. I should just tell him it’s on. It’s not a big deal.
Lisa: Hey, Brian, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, but your signal is on.
Brian: Oh, hey, would you look at that. So I am pretty excited for Luigi’s. (turns off the signal.)
Lisa: Me too. It’s been a while since I was there last.
Lisa: I really can’t believe out of all the restaurants in the area, that we love the same one. He really is pretty great.
Brian proceeds to make another turn, his signal stays on.
Brian: Have you ever had the Luigi’s Special?
Lisa: No, I usually stick to the lasagnas… what is it?
Brian: It’s a sampler pasta dish.
Lisa: This guy is really not in-tune with his signals. He has a great personality, good looks; but he is THAT GUY! I hate THAT GUY, especially when I am behind him in traffic. THAT GUY who ignores that his blinker just keeps blinking, even though he isn’t changing lanes, or making a turn. CLICK-CLICK, CLICK-CLICK. …. Maybe I am over reacting. Am I over reacting?
Lisa is becoming visibly aggitated.
Lisa: Brian, can you please turn off your turn signal?
Brian: I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize it was on again.
Brian makes yet another turn, signal is on, the car is silent but for the CLICK-CLICKING.
Lisa: Is he deaf? I can’t believe this is happening the entire way on a 15 minute car ride… IT’S STILL GOING. What if he never turns it off? Constant click-clicking. Imagine our future family road trips across America, state after state, highway after byway, lane change after lane change: those blinkers slowly blinking until
Lisa: (blurts out loud) I don’t think we should see each other any more!
Brian: Excuse me, but what?
Lisa: I think you should just take me home.
Brian: But I thought we were having a good time. I thought we were getting along?
Lisa: We were. I was was… Listen, I think you are really nice guy… but you are also “THAT GUY.”
Brian: What do you mean, “THAT GUY”?
Lisa is visibly flustered, and starting to react with panic.
Lisa: You know… you know… “THAT GUY”! THAT GUY WHO DOESN’T TURN OFF HIS TURN SIGNAL AFTER HE CHANGES LANES-GUY. I MEAN, EVEN NOW, YOUR SIGNAL IS ON!
Brian: I’m sorry, I had no idea it was such a big deal. I mean, sure every now and again I forget to turn it off… but really, you don’t even want to finish the date? I promise, I will be more aware of the signal. I won’t do it again.
Brian proceeds to make another lane change while talking… yet again leaving the signal on. Lisa waits, her patience obviously slipping away. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat, staring obviously at the offending turn signal knob.
Lisa: Here we go again… even after he promises he wouldn’t let it go like that. Is he fucking with my head right now? Is this some stupid test?
Lisa waits, she sighs loudly, her face wrought in disgust. She sighs again.
Lisa: You are doing it, AGAIN. See, I told you. You are “THAT GUY”!
Brian: What?!? No! That’s not fair.. you didn’t give me any time.
Lisa: (getting dramatic now) There was an ample thirty seconds, there… half a minute! It only takes a second to turn it off. I really need you just to pull over right now… You know, Brian, this really pains me. You really do seem like a wonderful, sweet, attractive man. However, I really can’t handle being in a car with THAT GUY who won’t take a second to make sure his turn signal is off, when he isn’t turning or changing lanes. If there is one thing in the world that REALLY gets my goat, it’s THAT GUY. So please, just pull over and put me out of misery. Right now I need the stability that my transportation will not blink, or CLICK-CLICK unless it is turning or changing lanes, or pulled over with the hazards on…. and it appears to me that right now, Public Transportation holds that stability for me. Good-bye.
Lisa gets out of the car and walks to a near by Bus Station. Brian looks at a loss.
Lisa gets home and rings Megan up on the phone.
Megan: Hey, what’s up? It’s early, what are you doing home?
Lisa: It didn’t work out. The date started out nice enough…
Lisa: But he is THAT GUY who never turns his signal off after changing lanes.
Megan: Oh, Lisa! I am so sorry! I didn’t know…
Lisa: I know! Why does it seem like all the GOOD ONES are either married, gay, or THAT GUY?
In 2005, Lisa learned she has a condition called Misophonia, that causes her to be triggered into agitation by certain sounds. She is currently an active member of Misophonics Anonymous. In 2012 she launched the worlds first dating site geared toward pairing Misophonic people together, who suffer with compatible triggers. A passionate en-devour, built in hope of helping others find intimacy as they cope with their sensitive condition. A year later she met Dan, a 34 year old Misophonic engineer from Indiana. He developed a turn signal system that automatically shuts off immediately after a turn or a lane change. Lisa and Dan, love to road trip across America, and they are expecting their first child in February 2017. Lisa says, she hopes her children are born without the burden of Misophonia, but if they are, she will love them anyway and help them with the hurdles the condition imposes.