All posts by madgemidgely

Mandie Shattuck is a modern day Renaissance woman. She is self taught painter, writer and performer currently living in Cheyenne, Wy. Her art is a response to our shifting consciousness in our ever evolving world. Her topics revolve around self awareness and empowerment.

My Cat May Be A Spy

So I had a question, and went to Google (like ya do), to ask the question “Why does my cat stare at me while I sleep.?”  

I clicked the first link which led me to Quora, and I felt the page should be shared because the answers are funny and frightening.

Let’s face it, cats are funny and frightening.  This recent foray in to having feline companions in close proximity, is definitely causing me to see them in a new light.  I guess I never noticed how strange they really are.  Between them chasing shit I can’t see, the stare downs and strange reactions to my direct questions about surveillance and intelligence… I just don’t know.

Yes, my cat Quantum was being super talkative one night and every time I asked her a question she had a response, until I started asking her if she was in the CIA.  I know that sounds super crazy, but she wouldn’t talk if I brought up intelligence agencies.  Take from that what you will.

Quantum is also incredibly psychic, I can call her in my head and she will show up shortly after.  Given her random appearance in my life, I give her the benefit of the doubt.  I’d like to think she is an ally in some wicked spiritual battle and that she protects me to a certain degree, specifically when I sleep.  That also sounds crazy, but I have a pretty vivid imagination and my days don’t provide as much entertainment as I could imagine myself.

Quantum may be a double agent, though.  I haven’t figured that out yet.

Advertisements

Hagia Sophia!

I just posted some illuminating thoughts on FB about the Pineal Gland.  I realize I haven’t really talked about the pineal gland since my youtube was shut down seven years ago and since it is a topical item included in my current painting in process, I thought maybe I should revisit the topic.

If you don’t know about the pineal gland… GOOGLE THAT SHIT, PRONTO!

TLDR:  The Pineal Gland is “the inner eye.”  It has cones and rods just like your outer eyes.  It is sensitive to things that cross the blood-brain barrier. (B cubed.)  It is sensitive to electromagnetic pulse that is directly connected to the heart.  Symbolically it is represented by a pine cone (which may seem innocuous but profound.) Sophia. Wisdom. Sacred Heart. Empathy. Intuition. Reason. Motivation.

Let’s get down to brass tacks; There are reasons you may have never heard of or thought of the Pineal before. Perhaps your are Catholic and visited the Vatican and thought ” Why is there a giant pine cone in the middle of their courtyard?” It’s called the Pigna, Rione of Rome.  Seriously check out the images linked and the wiki link, you will glean some insights.  Here is a Catholic sight with Catholic perspective.  I am not Catholic, or any religion.  This piece of writing is unbiased and only my perception of the topic, links are to be discerned by your own connection to spirit.   Feel free to share your insights in a message or comment.

Recently I have been researching Sophia.  In Roman Catholic doctrine she represents Wisdom; The Holy Spirit, which may challenge your ideas on the Trinity as the Trinity is generally seen void of the feminine.   Sophia has an interesting story when it comes to Creation and the archetype that she has been made to represent in culture.

I don’t usually  explain my paintings, left to the observer to decipher or interpret; however this piece is pretty intentional in focus because of it’s lack of randomness.  I usually just paint as I feel fit, this painting started random and has taken on new life because the idea and spirit of Sophia keeps rising to the top of the topic list and I need to explore her and her energy.  Undoubtedly there is a reason that Hansen Robotics named their most notable and recognizable AI, Sophia.  (Let’s face it, all creators follow some sort of script and Sophia has been obscured for quite a while.)  In my opinion Sophia has been hidden for a reason and once you look into her, you may come to some of the same ideas.

Hagia Sophia! Wisdom!

As I attempt to write this piece I have to undo deletes that I didn’t authorize.

Here are the visual images and post I made to FB.

The pine cone aka the Pineal Gland is the Sacred Heart.

Most depictions of the Pine Cone are upside down. Tiny at top, and broad on the bottom, essentially a detached and dead pine cone.

The Sacred heart is represented as vibrant and thorny yet detached as well but right side up… Coniferous Pine trees are thought to be the most ancient plant genera on the planet, having existed nearly three times longer than all flowering plant species. In this idea the Pine Tree would be the Tree of Life. It bares an inedible fruit that keeps giving while the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil bares a fruit which would be succulent and consumable (perhaps to the point of sickness.)

This leads me to the life sucking reality of the Pine Beetles being a greater allegory for our current reality. Why one type of beetle? Why one type of tree? What is the tree here to teach? What is the purpose of the beetle? What is the cure? How do you perceive the process of extinction? Does it matter? How does it relate to the pineal gland?

Mind, Body, Spirit. Heart, Mind and Soul.

Protect it, it is your direct connection to Source. The pineal can vibrate with the heart syncing it’s electromagnetic pulse. “For those with eyes to see, and ears to hear.” The pineal has cones and rods just like an eye. “If it offends the eye, pluck it out.” If you disconnect or pluck out the inner eye, you lose a connection to your heart that fuels intuition, empathy and moral consciousness.

 

Are you starting to see it? Sophia is the fulcrum between mind, matter and creation with positive and protective intent.   Sophia is every mother figure killed in every Disney movie, leaving the protagonist to grapple between worlds disconnected from Source; meanwhile we are literally beat over the head to whole heartily trust in and follow men.

“Behind every good man is a woman, that is unless you erase that idea.”

Sophia’s story puts her at the helm of the beginnings of Creation.  Her input matters.  She becomes so involved in the creation that she joins it.  Immerses herself in it and in that way changes the outcome beyond unbiased observation/experimentation.  She becomes one with the experiment, she influences observation.

Whoa!  Right?

She is “The Holy Mother of All”.   When you strip away the religion, and look at Creation as experimental pioneers the whole story takes a new shape.

Recently I have been asking out for Divine inspiration,  the climate of the world has had me down and I have needed/wanted a new insight for inspiration.  I have been calling out for intervention and motivation… This is when Sophia came to call.   I was surprised at her subtlety… perhaps that is how she was buried for so long.

Obviously she is a master of patience.  I encourage you to seek her out and ask her more about herself.  Obviously we are not void of her inspiration, we just never caught her name.

 

Rumination on Creation

I have so many paints and paint brushes.  I am really good at up-cycling and experimenting. I look at, at least one of my WIP’s a day. (Works in progress.)  I think to myself “I could make that idea happen with some flicks of a brush, if I could just focus.”

Eventually I build myself up to do it, fail and improvise.  Such is life, right?

Sometimes I stumble into perfection.  That is usually when I go with the flow and suspend judgement.   Other times I strive for a vision I am incapable of creating to par.  Art may be the one thing besides bowling and frisbee golf that I give myself leniency on. It isn’t the score or adoration… it’s the enjoyment and pay off of participation. Little fucks given and beer or wine can be invited.  Simple, adaptable and easily transparent.

Currently I am working on a piece that is well over two years old that has seen at least six treatments.  Tonight I decided to hone in on that mess.  It’s better but no where near where I want it to be.  It’s okay,  I have no desire to insert manic OCD into my works… but it does mean I will work for a while and then take another hiatus to process my next steps.

Some people train hard for art… some people just let it stew and purge when needed.  I am the latter type of artist.  The only thing gained is my pleasure and occasionally some coins in my purse.

Recently a woman contacted me because she bought one of my pieces at a car wash over a decade ago.  I simply thought that it was cool that she reached out and went on with life.

My one consistent with art is I enjoy making it.  I step into another place when I do, and as much as it is about me keeping myself calm; it is about those who love a piece and find it speaks to them.

I write the same way.   I am not trying to tie an underlying thread, it just happens that way.

Perhaps that is Sophia? Perhaps that is the Holy Spirit?

 

Dream Job

I’ve sat here for years now, slowly attempting to kill myself for no discernible reason.  The deeper I dig the less I know.  Over these past years my passions have been purged, and I am left wondering what the point of all of this is, for me, specifically.  Once upon a time I was a person who felt a strong purpose for living.  I was certain I was something special, though there was nothing outward about me that would elucidate such a theory.

I came to think of myself as one of the dreamers.  My hands were never meant to stir the pots, but my dreams were ingredients to a larger stew.  I knew I wasn’t the only Dreamer, but at times it felt like I might be.  Something like the simulation theory, there was one player, playing many parts in the same game, but the avatars seemed clueless to this fact. I was one of the few who wondered why the others couldn’t see how obvious it all was.

Some people are born into the world a sleepy eyed blank slate.  They believe everything they are taught, and they are not taught to question and so they don’t until they are forced to. Once they start to question life starts to fall apart level by level.  Red pilled.  Life will never be the same.   Some refuse the red pill, they can’t face their fear of what is on the other side of the veil.

There are those like me born with one foot on the other side of the veil, and one foot grounded in the simulation.  A delicate dance of walking a wire between worlds.  It’s hard to explain the spiritual nature of existence to those who deny the spirit even exists.  Everyone is born knowing the spirit world exists however the purity in that knowing is often sullied within the first few years of life for a variety of reasons.

It can be a long, hard road getting back to that place of knowing and experiencing the spirit, once one shuts it down or turns it off.

I could never avoid the spiritual realm.  It would come to my dreams and in my waking life.  At times I felt as if there was a bubble of protection around me, which helped substantiate my theory of some purpose.  I figured that purpose would reveal itself as something tangible at some point, however I still feel like I am in a waiting room.

I start to wonder if part of the Dream Job, is to lose all desire for this world.  “To be in the World, but not OF the World.”  These days that is exactly where I exist.  In but not of this World.  I anticipate it’s collapse as I write this.  The signs are here that something big is on the horizon.  The Dreamers have sewn the Dream, and now the Integrator’s are weaving the Dream into the Fabric of Reality.  Restitching the pattern as we’ve known it.  All we need is enough people to man the Loom.  The rest will take care of itself because Spirit is on the side of change.  The expiration date grows ever closer.

We must become sick and disgusted before anything will change and that is why it is prophesied that there will be great upheaval.  Some will riot against Creation and Spirit.  Others will riot against Death and Destruction.   The spirit that drives these entities will have no recourse but to clash in a battle to the end.  It’s already told as to what side will prevail but that knowing doesn’t stop the course of events as they were written in the Time Template so long ago. There is nothing we can do about the outcome other than pick our sides wisely, there is a point coming where there will no longer be any grey area.  No middle ground, fence riding.  Simply, Hot or Cold.  Life or Death.skullface

A Kittery Tale: Big Boy & Itty Bitty Join The Black Dog Animal Rescue Foster Program.

I knew the black kittens would be the last to go from day one.  Eventually I googled it and was confirmed in my assumption.   I really didn’t want to have to surrender these little lovers to the Animal Shelter, where they may be euthanized because of disinterest, superstition and shelf life expiration dates.   I’ve noticed significant maturity in these two in the weeks since their siblings were re-homed.  These are lovers that deserve a chance.

I decided to reach out to Black Dog Animal Rescue, primarily for that reason.  I am also slightly connected to the founder Britney Wallesch, as we graduated from the same high school a year apart and she introduced me at the 2017 Cheyenne TEDx Conference.   I really enjoy Britney’s drive to start a supporting home grown solution to the issue of animal euthanization by making  a commitment to animals by finding them loving homes, going so far as to start the Black Dog Animal Rescue organization.

Yesterday, Thursday July 5th, 2018,  I had an assessment meeting with Beth Gunthardt, the Animal Admissions and Foster Program Manager of BDAR. I loaded BB & IB into the cat crate and took them on their first car ride.  They had a lot to say about the trip but were good sports nonetheless.   I’ve continued to communicate what is about to occur with them through all the transitions of their early life.

“Momma needs a break, she is going with me for a while.”  

“You all are going to have visitors tomorrow because they want to find a companion, they are most interested in __________.  ___________, might have a new home tomorrow.”

“___________ is leaving in an hour.  Time to say your good-byes and give playful loves! “

“In fifteen minutes _______________ new family will be here…. lets have one last session of kisses, kittery toss, and belly rubs!”

This trip was no different.  We talked through the drive and arrived at the new BDAR location. When I walk through the door holding the cat crate of Big Boy and Itty Bitty, I am met by Stitches, a small heeler type with big eyes and a kind but curious demeanor.  There is a primarily white calico cat in a large crate along the west wall, meowing loudly.  An earth toned tubby tabby  grabs my attention as it jumps on the counter and begs for belly rubs.  An older black cat lays lazily in a cat bed on the admission counter  and Beth  steps around the corner ready to introduce Stitches.

Beth is a friendly, earthy lady, probably in her 30’s with a love of animals. There is dedication and patience in her demeanor.  The building I walk into is in a residential neighborhood between Nationway and Lincolnway.  BDAR had just moved into this building  which appears to be a house but  as you walk in you can tell it is in the midst of renovations to accommodate the purpose of the Rescue.

Beth and I talk a little bit, and she takes a look at the kittens and approves them.  I get some paperwork to sign and they are taken to the back for their first round of shots and dewormer.  I finish the paperwork and take a seat to wait.  It could be until next week that a foster family is available.

While I am waiting the biggest domestic cat I have ever seen walks out of an adjoining room.  This gigantic cat kind of looks like it could be a bobcat.  It is bigger than Stitches the dog.   He comes over vying for attention and he licks my hand…. good lord this cat has a tongue eight times the size of Quantum.  I immediately want to know how much food he requires once Beth emerges from the back.    She simply says “A lot.  He is always on a diet.”  I wonder if any of his owners surrendered him just out of the fear that he might eat their face off in the middle of the night.   He seemed super sweet, so it was probably just the food bill.

Beth sends me home with some extra dewormer for Quantum and Capricious, and says that I will hear from her soon.  I am super thankful for the dewormer and the generosity of assistance.

This morning (the next day) I receive a call from Beth, saying they have a foster home.   The foster parent is a lady named Katie who works reception at Cottonwood Vet Clinic, which is adjoined to the old BDAR building.  I immediately go talk to my brood about situation.  Both BB and IB are chill.   They play, and when I come in, they are full of so much love and gentleness.  I know they are going to make this hard on me.  Kisses are had, pets and belly rubs abound.  Before I know it, it is nearing 1pm and it’s time to load them up for their second and last road trip in my possession.

I show up to Cottonwood Vet Clinic.  It has nice off street parking, and a discrete location next to the air port, an elementary school adjacent to a residential area.  This is obviously a small and intimate practice, which I admire in all sorts of health care, whether people or pets.  When I walk in there is a lady at the receptionist table and I ask if she is Katie, she says “no” and calls Katie out from the back.

Katie has a vibration that is exactly attuned to what you want to feel in a vet office.  She is calm but in power.  Her voice is sweet and she seems happy to take the critters into her care.  I give her some background, pass off their transition pillows and transition food, give one last round of love and head on my way.  I admit, I got a little teary eyed in the parking lot.

When I came home I took the empty crate into my room.  Both Capricious and Quantum looked confused but knowing.  The dynamic in there is significantly different by eliminating two at once.   Quantum is in heat again and that just shifted about 36 hours ago… so even though it is the same cats, the mood is very different.

I plan on getting updates for BB and IB.  I think it is cool they get to stay together for now.  I am sure it will make the transition easier since Katie is only offering foster care and not a purrmenent home. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the sweetness of their being in my life for the last sixteen weeks.  I wish them nothing but love, safety and adventure in their new life.

Thank you, bdar.org .

itty bitty

To read about how these lives intertwined with mine, follow the links.  Quantum is the Momma, and her tale is where it all began November 9, 2017.

 

Quantum Express~ A Kittery Tale

A Kittery Tale: Sleep Deprivation and Emerging Personalities

A Kittery Tale: My Body is a Playground

A Kittery Tale: PeanutBuddy Finds a Furever Home.

A Kittery Tale: Khajiit Finds a Furever Home with Jenny and Seneca aka, Khajiit turns Rock Star

A Kittery Tale: Khajiit Finds a Furever Home with Jenny and Seneca aka, Khajiit turns Rock Star

Okay, okay… A random cat finds you, you think it may be lost and you give it the freedom   to return to “home”,only “home” is now your house and she gets all prego… whaddaydo?

Watch life begin, of course.

The last 12 weeks have been brutal… for me.  Separations; mom wanting space, bigger poops in the litter box, everyone eating me out of house and home but ultimately jealousy.  Let me tell you about my late affection.

Little Rascal (now known as Khajiit) is one of the two calico’s from my tiny fur tribe.  She was the last one to offer me her sweetness.  When she finally gave forth, it was precious beyond words… but our beginnings were not so kosher.

In my observation Itty Bitty and Khajiit were in cat-hoots.  They like a bit of that bite and claw action.  If someone was biting at my toes, it was that Lil Rascal Khajiit. In the beginning there was minimal holding and reluctance to kiss; week 11 when Peanut Buddy (now Otto) left, the tides shifted. Lil Miss shifted from “battle bro” to “cuddle now.”  I had no complaints.  She jumped on the kissy train and settled down a bit.

Of course this begs the question of sibling dynamics, even in the animal world.  Catland was now fully saturated with females and one male, Big Boy .  Big Boy calmed down at least five fold without Peanut Buddy offering some male petition. Khajiit was in second place when it came to strength, size and agility without harassing Momma.  The Game was on.

Khajiit seemed to desire some self definition right away; she was a middle baby and despite her distinction in the looks department, her evasive nature made her hard to pin down or in human terms “force love upon”.   She seemed astute and willing to sit on the sidelines in order to form her own opinions.  I regret to say that more than once she was at the mercy of my clumsy nature around fast moving objects (namely my clumsy ass feet).  I definitely stepped on her tail more than once but always apologized and gave love afterward.   At one point I asked myself why it was always her that was at the mercy of my lack of grace…. obviously she came to grips with it because when she decided to love, it was super obvious.

All of sudden she wants to cuddle, FIRST!  Everyone else is running around like an idiot and she is like “Nah, I’m gonna grab that sweet warm spot behind the shaggy fat persons legs.”  History is made!  But Her Story is just beginning.

Jenny and Seneca wanted a kittery.  They NEEDed a kittery; my house is like a cat drug den… who will fall victim?  After Otto left, I let them all know ‘Some one is waiting for you,  and they can’t wait to show you a whole new world.”  Before Jenny came over to meet and greet, I told them “It’s equal opportunity, but I have my feelings.”   For some reason I knew LIL would make her mark in the introductory love department, and she did not disappoint.

Jenny came over for a meet and greet with a nature so gentle, I am sure all of them were surprised.    That nature is just what Lil needed if only to give them a run for their money.   Jenny wants to toilet train and walk on a leash and that is exactly the kind of world exposure newly named Khajiit needs.  A whole new world of love and adventure. Independence and dependence with the perfect balance of personality.

Khajiit is currently causing a riff of jealousy with her kin; within 48 hours of being in her new home she was given the opportunity to star in a music video from SunnyDale High, Seneca’s rad Wyoming band that thematically follows Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  Khajiit is going to be a hit.

You should definitely check out her acting debut with a great soundtrack by Seneca’s band.  Also you should definitely check out Sunnydale High when they play WARPED Tour this summer in Denver, if you do, you should tell them  “Khajiit sent you.”

May all my kitteries rock and find their love-home dreams come true.

Check out Khajiit’s debut and Sunnydale High’s music at this adorable link.

May the Meows be with you, Lord Kittery knows we all could use it right now.

 

 

 

 

 

A Kittery Tale: PeanutBuddy Finds a Furever Home.

The time has come for the kitteries to say goodbye to me and Momma.  Time to go into the great unknown that exists outside of my bedroom.   Time to bond and claim space in places that are not “here.”

PeanutBuddy, also referred to as “My Lil Lion” was my one solitary light colored kit in the brood.   He is strong, and sweet.  The minute the kitteries pics went up, people were most interested in him.  I went with my first friend showing interests with an intent to re-home them with people I know, or people who have been vetted by people I know.

This week I have really felt the need to cull the herd; Momma is getting irritated and they are growing at a rapid pace which makes a small room feel even smaller.  PeanutBuddy was the strongest and biggest and was making daily efforts to test his strength, endurance and agility on his poor tired Mommacat. Her irritation was palatable as she would attempt to shake him off or subdue him long enough to jump to unreachable heights.

At night, I wrangle the kits into an upside down laundry basket so that I can spend a night without being ambushed or having random objects drop from shelves.  This morning I noticed they had grown big enough to require more than one laundry basket, so it’s probably a good thing they like a nice cuddle puddle.

Last night I met with my friend and her mother, to come meet the kit and sent them  home with a pillow made of my decimated bed spread; fully engulfed in the clan scent.  I wanted to make sure their current cat was cool with it, and I want something familiar for him to go to in his new home.  Their current kitty slept the night on the pillow, and will hopefully share and accept Peanut once she recognizes Peanuts smell in there.

Before they came over I debriefed the kitteries about our visitors and their intentions and our future together.  I told them all that the people were specifically interested in PB.  Once my friend and her mother arrived the kits dynamic changed.  PB who is usually quite gregarious, hung back and acted skitterish.  Everyone else stepped to the forefront, which is rare for a couple of them.  They actively engaged in play while PB hid under the dresser, unsure of his future.  Toward the end of the hang out he emerged and gave socialization a go, his little heart pitter pattering with nerves.

After our guests left, I told them it wasn’t certain, but it was likely that PB would be going away tomorrow. I explained that it wasn’t my lack of love, it was simply not economical or fair, they need their space.  We all need our space and deserve it.  Lots of love was given, but I could feel another shift in the dynamic.  I would liken it to rebellion.

This morning, ( the day after) I was given confirmation that PeanutBuddy had a new home and that he would be leaving this afternoon. As soon as I told everyone what was up the rebellion kicked off.   Bites were harder, jumps were more pronounced and effective.  (While bending over in nothing but underwear one of them jumped straight on to my  ass in the most brutal of ways…. yeah, I jumped and yelped.)

Each time I would walk into my room the energy was different, usually everyone is cuddled in a mass but today, everyone was close together with PB sitting alone at the end of my dogs bedding. It felt like contemplation and the energy of his siblings was resentful.  They knew they were losing their leader.   Perhaps I am anthropomorphizing them, or perhaps spending almost thirteen weeks straight with these little critters from day one, means I am experiencing a very real dynamic that I have limited understanding and wording for, but this is what I can liken it to.

11:30 am rolled around and it would be soon that separation would occur.  I wanted us all to share one last cat nap together.  I forgot my phone, so I asked the cats to make sure I got up by 12:30.  At first it was a struggle, everyone was blaming me with what energy they had left and PB was the last to settle down but when he did, he cuddled under my chin on my neck and fell fast asleep while the rest of his crew laid in a puddle on my abdomen.  Momma laid down on the dresser, overlooking our pile of fur and humanity and we rested for an hour and I had to get up.

It was like curtain call in the theatre.  “Okay cats (cast), life will change very soon.  Make your peace and say your good-byes. We love you PeanutBuddy!”

A short while later I asked my grandma if she would like to say goodbye, and she said yes.  I brought him into the room and she became emotional.

“It feels like I am losing a friend.” She said.  I couldn’t help but agree, once upon a few months ago they were helpless little fur balls with an uncertain future… now they could probably instinctively kill a rodent and be surprised by the outcome… how far we can move so quickly.

Everyone said goodbye, even the dogs.  And I slipped that little tan critter in to a critter carrier; it was hard.  I am not a cat person, I am an animal person.   Sometimes I hate love, ya know… you always have to say goodbye and it’s rarely a relief.   My emotions are wrapped up in the fact that I saw life happen in front of my eyes.  I saw growth and development based on my influence.  I hope they all are just the best for their new homes but that doesn’t stop the emotion I am feeling.  I am not quite sure what to liken it to as a person who has never had children.    I guess I get the same feeling when I think about my dog, or any dog I have ever loved or has been loved by people I love, and that dog passing away.  I’m deeply saddened by the idea of the feeling of abandonment.

I want that kittery to know I didn’t “abandon him,” even though it feels like I did.  Will he care once he is integrated and spoiled in his new home… probably not, but I don’t know for sure and that is why they call it anthropomorphism.  We put human attributes on animals, I don’t know if they felinopomorph, and think any one human is more or less cat-tributed behavior or personality.   I know my relationship with Quantum is significantly different now than it was when she came to me in November, and we have yet to see how that will pan out  once she regains her space and freedom.  (This bitch needs a snip-snip if you know what I mean, before she can explore the outdoors again.)

I just take it day to day, ya know?  Really it’s all I can do.