Taking Month to month Sugar Daddy Applications, NOW!

Do you ever wish you could just DO WHAT YOU WANT TO, with out the worry of money, or time spent. Do you wish, SOME ONE else would fund the adventure that is your life? Are you SICK of “regular 9-5” type gigs, and wasting all of your creative energy on SOMEONE Else’s livelihood.
I wish there was a month to month Sugar daddy service. A place where I set all the demands, and he just keeps giving. Time, money, space. All of it is vital. Some people would buy blow and snort themselves to oblivion. Some would buy ugly hooker clothes, that they refer to as “high end, and exotic.”
I would go to the art store. I would buy a shit ton of supplies. I would even invite said “Sugar daddy” along. Perhaps he want’s a painting of his own.
I would paint until I was tired in the arms.
Then I would go to find a publisher, and I would give them a manuscript. “SD” would pay to have it pressed and bound, distributed and available.
After that I would set up a beautiful costume closet and a great big green room with wonderful lighting. I would put on an amazing performance and invite all of my friends and neighbors.
It’s usually a curse that a girl can’t pick her sugar daddy. He picks her. But if there was an application process, I could pick mine. He would be handsome, conscious and available. I would want to spend time with him because he lifts the creative process, instead of hindering it. He would be invited to hang out, because he would be joyful to have around.
He would give me the attention I want and the space I need. He would be happy to throw his cash toward being a patron of the arts. This would seem useful, and I would be a tool that not only utilizes his bankbook in creative and helpful ways, but also a window to a world not yet realized.
Of course this is ideal.
And we all know I am an idealist. And this is no modern day fairy tale.
There is no excuse for this able bodied woman to not earn her own keep. I am empowered, and yet I would rather not eat in this moment than drain what energy I do have into works that are no longer fulfilling to me.
I am seeking a spiritual answer, and everyday I think I am on the brink, that it will all break free and change. No need for the dependence of another to bare the cross that is my own to bare.
Honestly I feel as if everything is falling apart at the seams. I am barely surviving. And honestly, there is no other excuse than I feel like “a normal job” isn’t what I am here for. Nothing will ever change until we change it, but something needs to change for me before the season does. In the midst of warmth, all is well. But when the cool air of winter in the mountains starts to blow, quite frankly, I am fuckin’ screwed.
I have a high faith in things being the way they are right now, but I think Claddagh would disagree.
So for those who know, and know to care, I am following my heart. It’s what I feel I need to do, and even I feel like a bit of a fool for my inability to see farther ahead to know exactly what effect this is going to have, I am going to keep keepin’ on.
Though now I am back to owing dues, and that sickens me.
I smile and say I am surviving, but it feels like the tide is coming in, and that drowning feeling is setting in. I need relief and just a little help, and I can’t ask so I’m not really helping myself.
Just another turn around the bend, just another day I am trying not to pretend.

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