Confusion, not just a poor mans dis- ease

Do you find yourself confused most of the time? Do find yourself staring into space more often than you should? Have you found yourself neglecting to do your day to day tasks? Is getting out of bed a problem of what to do once your feet hit the floor? Oh good, it’s not just me, then. No, in this dawning of the age of Aquarius, the past paradigm is crumbling. And when once, I thought myself a pioneer; now I wonder if I am but another light ready to blink from view too early. There are no longer any excuses not to succeed except the laziness and confusion of trailblazing a nw path in this day an age. Once upon a time I was an over-achiever who was awarded a scholarship to Christian College. The realization soon came that I had just been out to impress my teachers, and to out-do my peers, but only in the topics I found interesting. This new place couldn’t hold my interest. I became more sensitive to “the bubble effect;” which is the influence that happens to those who are too closed minded to diversify their lives. I found myself suffocating. Why was I here, and who was it for? Could it be a last stitch effort at following a righteous path approved by my kin? Was it the faith based fear that flowed in my blood? The sadness of wondering if those I had loved a lost made it to the higher realms of spirit? These were questions I felt held no answers in this location. In the situation of forcing some spiritual revelation, I felt I was swimming against the current. I left for the next leg of the journey without really thinking about it, I just knew I would have to pursue something that held my attention for longer than five minutes. In the world of no time, my interests have stayed in five minute increments. A challenge over come, and new situation awarded. I have done many things I have wanted to do, to smaller degrees than I would like. I am only twenty-eight I say to myself… you still have time. We live longer, now. We have many opportunities to do what we want, to go where we choose. Women have rights, we have a black president, the future is full of potential. Then why do I feel like I have past my prime by, how come I feel spent? My moods and virility come in waves with the moon. I ache for more, but I am unmoving. I want to wake up with more energy than before, but I can’t seem to make myself move faster or harder or with more passion. I have become somewhat passive externally. From the inside the cranks are working in my mind, my blood is boiling deep, and I am reaching toward the ethers with cries to the heavens, screaming “what to do next?” Anyone can have fame now, anyone can be seen. Those creative souls are searching and like fine cream rising to the top with a sense of purity, ready to teach. I thought I was one of those. Today I am not so sure. This could be another effect of the moon, it could be the sensitive weight that hangs in my heart, I know I was meant for something. I am asking for it to be revealed, I am tired of being tired. I am sick of wasting time. I need a little pocket life coach to send me on my way full of the encouragement I seem to keep from myself. Perhaps if I am honest about these things, they will neglect to stay the same.

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