Religion. Such a conflict of interests. My youth was spent in it’s clutches. I wallowed in the fear of an Angry God. A Ethic Father bound to condemn my actions… and being my own worst critic, I figured God must be a scary spirit to embody; all ready to beat me down about my wrongs. Yet, in the same literature we see Him as loving. A God of strong standard with moments of compassion and forgiveness. But which was He really?
I never quite figured out that paradox. How to live a fearless life with the fear of God in my bones. I found myself to already be a conflict of interests; this only added to my mounting confusion. Eventually I took my spirituality into my own hands. Labels had always annoyed me and claiming one in the big gamut of religion, “just one” directive didn’t resonate. It was like reading one author. What happens when you run out of books by that one author? Do you re-read all the literature all over again? There are few books I reread, much less niche myself to the entertainment of one mind. I would rather “take the best and leave the rest,” when it comes to self improvement which is directly connected to my spirituality.
If we have a collective consciousness, and I believe we do, then God must embody many things. You can not say He is “just love,” or “just vengance.” If we are each created in the image, and blessed with the diversity of minds, wouldn’t the “Higher Power” be one of multi-facets? Not one of justifications toward personal vice, or one of complete solitude and reflection; but one that encourages creative thinking, and decision making that comes from the best and Highest good of the individual. A Higher Power that instills humor as well as compassion, pain as well as joy. Experience shows us that when we listen to the “best and most right thing to do” for ourselves, we do not disrespect others. Emotions still come into the game, and yet, no decision is made with the desire to “screw” some one else over. Highest good, tells us, that at times it is okay to say “no.” Even if it is your best friend asking you to help out on something. If our internal voice feels drudgery and resentment for saying yes, how ever silent and harbored the resentment may be, are we not then serving ourselves or our friends. To show up when the heart is not involved serves no one. It’s like going to a job interview with interviewer who is playing solitare during the interview… Both parties are not fully present, and that serves no one. The interviewee is upset by the lack of involvement by the interviewer but feels as though they can not express their feelings because they want the job, and the interviewer is so uninvoloved he can’t tell. By saying “no” or expressing your true internal inclinations in any situation you can save yourself and those around you from falling into a trap that could damage your relationships. It also opens space for someone who is willing be present, and most likely will show themselves to be there as a positive experiences which in turn bless’ all parties.
Religion, did not teach me this. Going to Church, never clued me in. I admit, it taught me to tell the truth, to love my neighbors and to have Faith in things unseen. But I no longer wait for the Biblical Jesus to resurrect those lying dead, dormant and decaying in graves. I see the lesson of the Jesus love and servitude as a calling to rebirth ourselves, to ressurect our damaged hearts and minds into the exaltation that this life, is all we have in the now.
If we are constantly changing, moving, evolving, than the now is all we need. With every decision comes options, and with every option there is a personal truth to be discovered. But we are not aimless in our guidence, the internal compass that points toward truth is activated by our intuition, physical feelings, and ever growing personal consciousness. In every moment we have the chance to grow to become more loving; less selfish, more Selfish ( Selfishness that serves the Higher Self, decision making born out of doing what is best and good for the Self and those around the Self.) more compassionate and accepting…That potential is always speaking and showing oppertunity.
The question is not, “Will I go to Heaven? Will God approve of me?” but rather, “Am I being the best I can in the moment and are my actions hurting or helping humanity?” When as a collective we ask these questions out of a sincere desire to shift the world in to a more positve place… the fear of God will no longer burden us to a life a severe self critism. Because God is not fear, and he is not Self Depricating. God is the best in all of us. The servant attitude, the helping hand, the ability to rest when needed. All of this and more. The Spirit kindly asks us not to pigonhole, because Spirit is far bigger and more encompassing than we give credit for, admit we are only human, spirits babysitting physicality. We are the fractals of spirit in flesh and the world will keep on turning, the Angels will do their visits, but we are only asked to embody love and a desire to seek Truth. From there, the pieces will fall into place as they may, trusting each to their own path; denying no one the oppertunity to seek and grow. Religion is not the answer, acknowledgment of the communal Spirit within each individual and its connection to the same greater nameless Divinity will be the wrecking ball to knock down walls previously seeming unpassable. Worry not about the name your neighbor calls to his “God” but rather, love him because we are all made of the same fabric and we will all end up as dust upon shared wind. Nothing is seperate, one event effects another, and we effect eachother in turn. What do you want from your world? And have you ever felt alone? Anything can change, in a moment.