Let me be honest. (HA! Like I am not giving forth such honest thoughts each time I publically publish… and also secretly script…)
I am experiencing death on new levels that bring such uncomforting; they become almost unexplainable.
No one wants to openly talk about this… so I think alone, about it… and it tears me up.
I feel left alone in so much emotional turmoil and question, so much so that kind condolences mean nothing.
Maybe this is a simple “depression.”
But is depression ever simple… ?
I see within myself a sense of being, which does not resonate to my Higher Will. Nor does it resonate with my positive productive being. It is what I would call worry some.
This malady is partial Spiritual Crisis and partial sad bystander complex.
Imagine you have 10 years of technology running on compatible programs; and each burns themselves out with no way to archive or save the data….
This is the human reality I am living.
I am like the new android tablet you got last year that held a certain amount of transferable data from your last android…. and everything else is early windows on hard drive that is crashing…
I know what I am now, but what I come from has spotty presence of research toward beginnings.
Perhaps all this is just a belated mourning. But I feel like I am losing parts of myself to lost stories never told and redefinition means a new program, and I am resistant.
It is like Alzheimer’s by proxy, or imagination in over drive creating a melt down.
This is not good. There is no easy remedy because there are too many questions and no room for submission.
Nature is the only remedy.