Let me be honest.  (HA! Like I am not giving forth such honest thoughts each time I publically publish… and also  secretly script…)

I am experiencing death on new levels that bring such uncomforting; they become almost unexplainable.

No one wants to openly talk about this… so I think alone, about it… and it tears me up.

I feel left alone in so much emotional turmoil and question,  so much so that kind condolences mean nothing.

Maybe this is a simple “depression.”

But is depression ever simple… ?

I see within myself a sense of being, which does not resonate to my Higher Will.  Nor does it resonate with my positive productive being.  It is what I would call worry some.

This malady is partial Spiritual Crisis and partial sad bystander  complex.

Imagine you have 10 years of technology running on compatible programs; and each burns themselves out with no way to archive or save the data….

This is the human reality I am living.

I am like the new android tablet you got last year that held a certain amount of transferable data from your last android…. and everything  else is early windows on hard drive that is crashing…

I know what I am now, but what I come from has  spotty presence of research toward beginnings.

Perhaps all this is just a belated mourning.  But I feel like I am losing parts of myself to lost stories never told and redefinition means a new program, and I am resistant.

It is like Alzheimer’s by proxy, or imagination in over drive creating a melt down.

This is not good.  There is no easy remedy because there are too many questions and no room for submission.

Nature is the only remedy.