Dear Bag in a Tree;
Hey YOU, Bag in a Tree, blowing obnoxiously in the midnight wind. You have been annoying the shit out of me for the last four months. Enough is ENOUGH!!
I know, I know; when you finally deteriorate some other, NEWER, MORE ANNOYING breed of bag will take your place.
Could you please just leave me alone for tonight? If you do, I promise I will refrain from lighting the whole goddamn tree on fire.
Signed- The lady on the other side of the window
Dear Guy Working on the Light Pole,
Hey there, Guy Working on the Light Pole. I really appreciate your service to our electrical grid and all, but FUCK YOU for staring inside my bathroom window while I was taking a shit. Your job is to fix the goddamn power line, and it would behoove you to keep your eyes on the job and OUT of my bathroom.
Sincerely~ Mr. Shitz Apt 3D
Dear Crazy Raking Neighbor Lady;
I’m not sure if you noticed, but alleyways are always a mess. The wind blows trash here from Indonesia. It’s nice that you want to keep YOUR section of the alley clean; but if you’re going to go so far as to RAKE the ROAD, maybe you should go so far as to clean the WHOLE block of alley you live on.
Thanks, Your Confused Yet Observant AlleyWay Neighbor
Dear Nasty Cashier Lady;
Did you ever think that maybe your job sucks because your attitude sucks? Get over it and put a goddamn smile on your sourpuss face. Shopping is stressful enough without a GRAND FINALE- such as your condescending flair, in the check out line. Here is a tip; CHECK YOURSELF.
Dear Little Old Person in the Car Ahead of Me;
I know you’re old and value what you have left of your independence, but, Dude… You can’t even see over the steering wheel!! Your “freedom of mobility” is compromising the safety of others.
Now listen, I respect your wisdom as an elder, but at this point in time you seem to show bad judgement when it comes to operating heavy machinery. Due to this issue alone, I suggest you immediately surrender your license and bribe a legally licensed grand kid to cart you around.
-Concerned Citizen/ Defensive Driver