The Master vs. Resistance~ or~ psychological fuckery meets lofty aspirations of Spirit, yet ends up in a crash n burn situation

We all have two very archetypal images which motivate our behavior;  there is the Master of the things we know we should do, and the Argumentative Teenager stuck in arrested development, who says “no” to everything, and has a penchant for self destructive behavior, just for the hell of it…(yeah, there are more reasons than the hell of it, but teenagers are rarely self aware enough to ask why…)

My Motivated Master attitude… would be kind; gentle, forthright,  patient, strong, articulate, witty, full of laughter, and deeply rooted in spiritual wisdom and righteousness.  My Master attitude would leave room for expansion and understanding… it would not be quick to judgment or frustration.  I would have a Buddha-like smile.  Basically my master attitude would be like female version of Yoda as a “cool Aunt”.  My attitude would smell like fresh baked cinnamon rolls. But, let’s be honest. That is all ideal; My ACTUAL Master attitude performs much like a teacher who hates kids and always shows up hung over to class. My responses are short, and reeking of agitation.  (If you were curious agitation smells a lot like hot sticky dog shit.)

So what would my Resistance look like?  Probably Honey Boo Boo crossed with an angsty emo American teenager caught in the middle of a temper tantrum. So both my Master and my Resister are both huge bitches. How do I get anything done at all, you might wonder?

Let us step into my imagination for a moment to take a look at how these idealized, internalized archetypes fuck with my whole day; every day.  Here is the set up.  Everyday I know there are things that I SHOULD DO, and Things I HAVE TO DO, and things that I would really just LIKE to do, but somehow I have a hard time motivating myself to do any of it it.

Honey Boo Boo:  I’m bored.

Yoda: Life is stranger then fiction, young Padawan. A powerful ally is the Force. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. There is great focus in the Force.

Honey Boo Boo:  I don’t even know what y’all sayin’ right now.

Yoda:You must unlearn what you have learned.   The dark forces are strong within you. The way is not hidden. Refuse to see, does your mind.

Honey Boo Boo:   I don’t get it.

Yoda: The reason matters not.

Honey Boo Boo:  Your gibberish is weird, fairy godmother.

Yoda: Only a Jedi need know the reason. And a Jedi, you are not.

Honey Boo Boo:  yer dumb! Everything is dumb but ice cream.

Yoda: Accept the anxieties and difficulties of this life. Empty your mind and let it be filled with the Force.

Maybe this is not the best example…Honey boo boo is a red neck and Yoda speaks in broken, open ended answers.  I mean, there isn’t even a potential of conversation here, because of the nonsense. My actual self interaction may look a little bit more like this.

For the sake of diversity it will still be played out by my actual Master Bitch Monster and Emo Boo Boo.

Get the FUCK outta bed, and get going!

I don’t want to.

-Up and at em you lazy piece of skin… You have a shit ton to do for me today, no excuses. 

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna.

Cooperation with myself is not my strong set.  I am not really a “team player.”

So, what’s up? Maybe I like being miserable. Maybe I am a little Sadomasochistic with myself and maybe I like doing the same old nothing.  But really it would all be a lie.

Who the fuck cares?

I am about ready to beat the shit out of you, because it seems to me, that is all you are full of these days.  Just shitty shit coming out of your mouth.  It stinks, and I am sick of it.

Bring it on, Bitch.

Dude, you are all bark and no bite.  You are lazy and pessimistic.  You have no idea what it means to have a good time, or to be kind, or empathetic.  You are a sad, miserable Miser, and I am tired of catering to your mood swings.  You need to leave.  You need to go figure some shit out before I can deal with you, again.

Fuck you, I am not leaving.   I have just as much right to be here as you!

Bullshit.  YOU are PLAYED OUT!  People like me have had to deal with people like you since the beginning of time.  The game is old, and your attitude toward me is completely unacceptable.  I can’t even believe I have let you hang around so long.  You’re like a heavy weight, and you sure as fuck don’t act like a friend… so why the fuck should I have to carry your heavy ass?

Whatever, Dude.  You’re weak.

No, DUDE. You are weak.  I have carried your ass around for so long, and all you do is keep me from really having more fun and experience in my life.  I don’t know how many times I didn’t do something I really wanted to do, in order to sit at home and listen to your sorry ass cry about shit that you could change.  I listened to you whine about how you are bored, and you have nothing to do.  Meanwhile, I would feed you really great suggestions and you would just blow them all off with excuses.   No wonder you have no friends.  No wonder you have nothing more to talk about than your misery.

Wow, that’s really a low blow.  Blaming it all on me, like that.

You should really take a course in self awareness and admitting your faults.  I use to think you were an asset to my team.  Your ability to resist temptation USE to be really admirable.  But now you just resist, everything that could potentially be good for us.  You say ‘yes’ to the most fucked up stuff, and you are hurting both of us.

Fuck you.

No, Fuck you!  I want to play.  I want to paint, and write, and sing, and dance.  I want to get out in nature and move my body.  I want to have nice, strong, willing friends.  I want to look at myself in the mirror and not see you looking back at me with that stupid melancholy face.  Here I am, taking the time to tell you, that you are fucking up with me.  And I don’t want to take it any more.  I have spent far too much time just listening to your sad procrastination, which has led to more procrastination.  I have tried patience, kindness, support, opportunity and love.  You reject all these things, so I think I am going to have to tough love you.

What the fuck is that suppose to mean.

Well, I guess, if you aren’t going to take the initiative to get the fuck out of my house; I am just going to have to ignore you.

You can’t ignore me.

The hell I can’t.  Watch me.


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