Monthly Archives: September 2026
Rewind: Prelude to a Love Letter
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Therapy of the Mind
It’s been since January- I got the diagnosis.
In February I started therapy.
The winter was cold, but not that cold- and like most winters was windy.
The heat didn’t really ease itself in, it just showed up one day with the wind, and it’s still here, giving the illusion it may fade away in the next month- but who can tell, these days?
Sometimes I wonder if my telehealth therapist is an AI. She seems real enough- but the digital space is questionable at best, and always has been a bit suspicious.
I do the homework the best I can, but I’m not really sure what the point is to a mind that made itself so long ago, and has a hard time taking steps back into a “normal” that never existed for me. I don’t know how to be a capitalist.
I think people want to watch others jump through hoops as to prove they are worthy of existing in an existential nightmare.
They say depression is a bad thing- something to try and ascend- which is laughable when I could compile quite the list of reasons one might feel “deeply pressed upon.”
With humility some of the burden was released, if only temporarily- but the minds around me can’t wait until I “get back to normal” that never really existed to begin with. Most of it was imagined by distance and rarely communicating.
I was that “free spirit” that would return occasionally with gifts and stories of my adventures- but actually I was just struggling to survive, lying to myself by redefining struggle into adventure.
I learned along the way, that I couldn’t really make it on my own- and I would do smart grunt work for a roof, as long as it wasn’t too much of a compromise. I looked for where I fit, like a missing puzzle piece- all the while squeezing myself into puzzles I didn’t match- but if it was able to hold me within it for a time, things were fine- until the misfit caused abrasion.
My mind keeps saying “a little is a lot, a little is a lot.” What?
Then I think of a seed, how one little seed could feed many- and I wonder why we live in a land of plenty that seems to deplete unnaturally anytime need is addressed to some more than others- and that consiquence.
I was thinking about how people are but seeds in their own beginning and how they grew was a representation of the reality sewn around them- about the things brought into the scene when the brain was just formulating balance-
Balance. Our ideas of balanced are so…imbalanced. It was never offered any equity, it is a construct- an idea. But why?
It has something to do with love. That too is a concept- a multidimensional concept. Love and Justice serve like the concept of separation of Church and State- the language, and definitions try to keep them separate but at the end of the day they become enmeshed for one could not exist without the other.
When you step away from all of it, and observe it, and disseminate it- you see something everyone else is too busy jumping through hoops to actually take into deep account. It is that which your beingness truly says without outside influence. It is most in tune thing you could listen to, because you are the amalgamation of all of it-
I talk to ancestors about how we were all rushed into the boxes of definition- I ask what they would see if they could only know what they knew in this reality- would they stick to their ideas or let their secret dreams out?
This is the work of people like me- whose history has some threads but also had closed lips- and I feel all of it through my veins- so duty calls to untangle webs, search for this illusive balance and what love actually means.
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Every day is Labor Day
It’s evident I get upset at the use of language in this English sect- my grammar may be incomplete, but I know how to speak in respectable phraseology, more oft than not.
Pardon my language when I ask in all sincerity “What the fuck is Labor day?” And I mean this in a deep, vast and dissection way.
It’s to honor workers/laborers, yes?
But the only people who get the day off of work are Government, HR and higher ups, and the postal service? Oh, and schools- because train them now that the future gives days off, just not to everyone all at once? That’s life.
What else is labor day?
Everyday is Labor Day- and this is simply a 3 day weekend. And I am all for long weekends- but if you are a woman going into labor, it’s Labor Day. If you are anyone who has to do anything at all, that means people who use machines to help them live, it’s still a Labor day. But not everyone gets to “do nothing” or have fun on that day.
Most people don’t think about it beyond being a day off of work, if they are so “lucky”- given the climate of things, I’m sure people are jumping to work if it means time and a half, plus holiday pay- if companies are even that generous anymore.
And Labor day only exists in a way like Valentine’s day with less marketing- because if everyone demanded the day off, the loss would be pretty intense. “Don’t let the slaves knows that it’s a day we take off for golf and frolick!”
It’s gross, and as a woman, it’s a slap in the face in so many ways.
But it should equally feel like a slap in the face to anyone cognizant of what working class is, regardless of location in the world. And honestly, here- it’s mostly about capitalism under the disguise of pride.
If we go back to the original labor of love- the giving of life, it is simultaneously beautiful and messy. It is raw and unveiled- it may or may not come in with pomp and circumstance, or any observation at all in the normal convention.
Many of the most laborious situations come with little observation or congratulations- they are simply seen as “life happening” or what “life is.”
Secrataries, Nurses, Librarians and Teachers have specific days of appreciation- they still go to work, and maybe get a few treats or surprises. That’s sweet.
The origins of the dedicated day come from support for Labor Unions by the Knights of Laborers. Okay- well, do with that what you will. Labor Unions are an interesting and long standing topic- I had no idea that a Knights group had association with getting the day dedicated.
Here we are learning something new everyday.
The crazy thing about Unions is- they knowingly exist in the labor economy of a hierarchal system. People love or hate unions depending on what side of the union they are on- if you or a loved one are associated, you support it. If you don’t support it, it’s probably because you see the scam in the sham.
In the hierarchy of Labor Unions- the union workers want the best paid jobs with the most benefits, which means they have to keep their political views out of the picture (put on a hard hat) and get to work, knowing the work is temporary, but a great check while it lasts.
The contracts within a union allow a bidding process of sorts, “if you want to hire us, this is what we require”- a large project from out of state can build an allegiance by hiring local unions for work, endearing them to the community. (It’s like playing RISK.)
The company uses their pull on the union to help spread the idea of allegiance, and if your family member is bringing in a great check, and things are looking up in dark times, you also put on the hard hat, and the dust mask, and nod your head and get to work….planning the future, or buying a new toy, or paying off a debt.
It feels too good to refuse. Opinions you might once have had about such and such and their environmental impact are like dust in the wind. This is a NEW WORLD! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE in a new tax bracket.
But, what happens when it all dries up? Because those at the top could care less if you starve as they send pretty faces with smooth voices to chirp benefits in your ears…
Places like this live Boom to Bust- just like a Lady goes through monthly cycles- living eternity in 30 days. Or like a Mother holds and extended amount of energy for a duration of 10 months and new life of reward is given? Or the imbalance of wonder that happens as those last remaining eggs sporadically release until they’ve all found exit in one way or another?
What is sustainable? Labor. Who benefits from it? All of us.
Who benefits most? Those who take it without honor or appreciation- those who expect what it looks like, how it should “properly operate, all the time, ad nauseum”.
I think it is time we start paying more attention to the labors of love. We all have at least one. Labor of Love isn’t flashy- it’s not really braggadocios- it’s personal and special- it is the work that feels like you aren’t working at all.
It’s soft and kind- it’s warm and sweet. It’s a priceless bit that rounds things out. The labor becomes laughter.
