I need something new, Running has been the answer and yes I am a lunatic

Running, running, always running. But it only seems to break an internal sweat. I am sick of myself lately. Sick of how I look. It isn’t my hips that are bothering me this time. It’s my skin. My epidermal tissue. My biggest organ. I have burning inside of me and I am feeding it with fire and spicy foods. If I am already burning inside, why am I introducing more fire?
My life feels stagnation and I am burning holes into myself from the inside out. I am smoking as I write, I see the growing problem and it’s influences. I need a purpose to start my day differently. I have grown accustom to my lazy life. I am unsure how to get back on track because this aesthetic that I speak of keeps me tied down alone.
Sunbtle shifts of attitude come when men pay attention to me. Using the influence like a drug, feeding myself until it runs out and I slump inside myself again. Riding from one high to the next propelled by hormones. When the options have dried up, so do I .
I felt it again last night. I want to run far away and start again. But not all the the way back to the beginning. I am sort of sick of beginnings that lead to these ends. Something has got to change and I know it is me. I just feel so lost I’m not sure where to start and I am having a tough time taking advice from those who are also struggling. I need find successful support. I am ready.
Is asking enough because I feel I have been asking for a long time now, and it’s like I am still just treading water. I want the water to quench my fire.

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