Category Archives: Writing

Who I Am- Who Do I Want You To See? Your Unperceived Experience: What Is Real

Social Media is an illusion.  We trick ourselves into thinking we know one another.  We are enticed by pictures and platitudes.  (I’d like to do a podcast where I sardonically read inspirational memes.)

I am a person who has probably spent more time hating my physical body aesthetic than I have loved it.  I want to, but I can’t see me, through your eyes. I can see myself in a million ways in a million lights, but when I look in a mirror my default has been ugly. For some reason, I am sure the feeling is mutual.  You MUST see me the way I see myself- I can’t fathom it any other way.

When I see me, in a mirror- I see a Gollum.   A grotesque manifestation of flesh attempting to masquerade as a human. This isn’t new- it is an ongoing saga.

I’ve had a couple of points in my adult life where I “grant permission” for photos. Most times I am caught off guard. With all this technology- I’ve attempted to take control of my image.  It isn’t so much that I don’t want you to see them- it’s just that when I see them, I get really rough on myself- even though I know I shouldn’t… but as I get older, and even more celibate and single- I- I don’t even know.  Perhaps I should peruse for a book to address these issues, or write one of my own… but I don’t want to- other things interest me more.

I’m thirty-eight, I’ve suffered the yo-yo weight- the meat versus vegetable debate.   Yet no one can isolate the reason I always menstruate late beyond the common fate of erratic hormones. Yo- this blows- but I deal, cause I am real- and if no one else is willing to admit it, then I will admit it- I feel.

I want some angelic new deal, where the real me slips from my current skin.  I want to see the reflection of within- in the without.

My daily mantra has become “I see the Angel within” in hopes that I manifest that reality.

This may sound crazy- but my spirit has set me free from human bondage in a sense that we obsess about so much that is meaningless. So daily my eyes are set on Spirit and the unseen control battle.  Yet, I can not escape my reflection.  I can only augment it, moment by moment while dealing with the torrents that come.

 

 

 

 

A List of Thankful

I’m not sure how people have the strength, courage, and fortitude to have children in this modern world.  Heck, the more I think of it- it doesn’t matter what time in history we are talking about- having children seems like an absolutely terrifying life path.

I am thankful my parents wanted me so badly that they had to try to make it happen.  How I’ve spent years feeling “unwanted” is beyond me.  My brother was the accident- but you know what?  They wanted him too, they just didn’t have to intend him as they did with me.

I am thankful I was raised before the age of technological saturation.  How blessed I was to be woken up at the crack of dawn to go fishing with my aunt;  to go sledding in the mountains, to go backcountry to cut down a Christmas tree, to go camping all over the US.  Those where the days when imagination was easily immersed in books and drawing paper.

If you had a computer- it belonged to the family, and it wasn’t used that often because it interfered with the phone line that everyone also shared.   It was a time in history when there were time limits for these shared resources.  Set the kitchen timer for a twenty-minute phone call.  When the timer went off- the call would need to wrap up- post haste. If you needed the computer, you could use it for an hour, but not if someone was expecting a phone call.

I am thankful I was raised in a time where we had to communicate our needs and expectations to one another- face to face.   A lost time when dinner was ready, your parents would holler at you to set the table- instead of sending a text message to the room down the hall.  It scares me to think that this is how we have adapted to our technology.

I am grateful that most of my youthful indiscretion was analog.  Stupid mistakes made before the time when everyone had a digital instant camera in their pocket, ready to record the blunders of those around them.   A time before “revenge porn” and naked selfies.  I can’t imagine the unconscious stress this adds to teenage/ young adult lives.  I can’t imagine how this will change the foundation of relationships in the future.  Yet another terrifying thought that brings me back to my appreciation for how much simplicity we had at one time.

 

PIE # 5- Earth Angel

We are more than we recognize.  It’s time to reintroduce ourselves to ourselves.

 

 

Reading from previous personal posts. Links below.

What if you found out you are an angel?

If we are Angels, when do we ascend?

 

Music by Alessandro Muresu, Album- Nubi Volume 3 2018- Track 6:  A Matter of Principal

Alessandro Muresu Bandcamp

Alessandro Muresu Facebook Artist Page

 

 

Facile e difficile

 

 

alehandsIt isn’t every day that one gets the pleasure of reading a piece of writing that expresses the positive impact one has made on the life and work of another. This is the byproduct of a two-spirit collision in cyberspace. There are times when you meet someone and you know that your souls were destined to assist each other in full expression of life and experience- these are the by-products of collaborating with Alessandro. It is magical with no pretense. I feel absolutely open and willing to share with him because the conversation alone is so absolutely inspiring. That is the kind of world I want to live in- one where we inspire each other creatively from the vast expanse of our souls. There truly is no better way to live.

-my lost tapes

Colgo l’occasione dell’uscita dell’articolo di Mandie per fermare qui alcune mie visioni riguardo la gioia e le difficoltà che si incontrano quando si crea con altri esseri. La nostra intrepida collaborazione che abbiamo acceso in Ottobre ci ha portati a dare vita in pochi mesi a tre densi volumi di musica degli esperimenti e della coscienza. Una impresa che è assolutamente in linea con quello che chiedo ogni giorno a me stesso per il mio percorso individuale, fatto di evocazione continua della fiammella sacra del suono e delle sue domande e risposte per me, quello che mi ispiro a vivere nei miei momenti, da solo o con altri. Ringrazio dal mio spirito la cara Mandie per essere riuscita ad interpretarsi e ad ampliarsi in modo potente nella sua visione e per aver compreso le mie, suscitando quella spirale virtuosa fin dall’inizio, per di più all’interno di una sfumatura stilistica e…

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Testing the Water

Alright.  Cheers and welcome.

I am making an attempt to add to my creative satiation by creating a a podcast that has no specific direction.  Neat huh?

If it was a personal ad, it would say ” Seeking Interesting Conversation”

“Hermit Noun seeks insightful conversation with people who would rather discuss vs. argue.  Seeking people who like to think out of the box but still navigate with a moral compass.  Hoping to do more than compare notes and commiserate, let’s find the treasure together and share the bounty- ”

Cute. Right?

I guess I don’t really care and it’s one of those moments when I again throw caution to the wind and set it forth.  I will ask your assistance in momentum, because it will dictate a certain direction – This is definitely for me and you, but I want your help and involvement to make it something worth while.  Think of it as a group project, a collaborative effort where I do most the work, but I don’t actually have to do anything at all because, duh, we aren’t in high school and this experiment is a choice, not a mandate.

FUN!

If you have a half hour- check  out my shaky, unguided pilot.  If you do, I would appreciate it if you leave a comment and tell me what you think (good, bad- whatever.)  If you check it out, share it, even if you don’t like it.   Maybe it wasn’t for you today.  But I bet you know someone who might like it because you like me and that is how networking works on the most pure of levels.

I’m pretty excited to share this rather impromptu recording regardless…. It’s nice to put my voice out there again- talking about the daily reflection.  Today I compare our desires  and obligations/ draws and distractions- to a junk drawer.

Interwoven

Renaissance (n.)

“great period of revival of classical-based art and learning in Europe that began in the fourteenth century,” 1840, from French renaissance des lettres, from Old French renaissance, literally “rebirth,” usually in a spiritual sense, from renastre “grow anew” (of plants), “be reborn” (Modern French renaître), from Vulgar Latin *renascere, from Latin renasci “be born again, rise again, reappear, be renewed,” from re- “again” (see re-) + nasci “be born” (Old Latin gnasci, from PIE root *gene- “give birth, beget”).An earlier term for it was revival of learning (1785). In general usage, with a lower-case r-, “a revival” of anything that has long been in decay or disuse (especially of learning, literature, art), it is attested from 1872. Renaissance man is first recorded 1906.

 

I like the parts of this etymology that says “grow anew” or to be “born again” , “reappear.”I like it because it is true, time is not linear and more and more these days we are allowed to reconnect with deep soul kin… essentially elongating our interaction through these different wave lengths and time lines.

I am living this now and I want to share some of it with you.  Obviously my series about My Best Friend(‘s Journey)  is some of the amazing proof of this reality.

My creativity is expressed in many ways: these blogs, the journals, the scraps, the paintings, the music and the spoken word I can’t contain.  So much content with context.

I wanted to create a post with all the links to the music up to now because my creative collaborator Alessandro Muresu is some sort of vibration soul mate born on another continent.   He is precious to me because he brings out the best in what I struggle with in experiment AND his passion bleeds through his work, for whatever reason he also found me a compatible collaborator and what happens through sound files is soothing for us both.  Feeling old and familiar, but new and extraordinary.

I shall not build it up too much more.

Preface-  All of these sound qualities have a drone, which is the specialty of Ale.  I am the chaos that interferes but can also create soothing.  Ale brings all of the balance in composition.  My success’ are accidental.  I am sloppy but focused. I have no idea what I am doing, but I love manipulating sound.  My voice is a tool to those ends.  These are posted from earliest to most recent.  I invite you to listen to the evolution of it over all and to visit the rest of Alessandro’s Archive of Wonder.

If you don’t want to listen to all of them, pick one for now out of what you are drawn to.  It’s probably the right one for you in the moment.

Listen to Yourself

FTC Part 1

 

FTC Part 2

Squeaky Floor

Save

Ode (To Us)

173 Part 1

173 Part 2

173 Part 3

173 part 4

177

Karibu

Recording 21

Rudiments

Recording 15

 

*Credits to my late Grandfather Edward Lee Chapman for the heading photo in this post.  He really had an eye for light and shadow.

 

 

 

 

 

Time is Up

Tonight will I cough out a diamond that has been sitting in a compression chamber affixed at the back of my throat.

Tonight I will release the tension behind my eyes and near my shoulder that has grown sore as I cultivated such treasure inside of my own space.

This expulsion will not be gentle.  It will not be graceful. It will be messy, it will be hard.

It will be worth it.

 

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