I don’t think he knew the totality of the work we were doing by just existing in proximity to one another. I don’t know if he knew that by being close to one another that we were not only telepathically bouncing back and forth- but that the unspoken parts of our connection were creating an amplified resonance. I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to believe it but he didn’t want to acknowledge it outright as truth.
Have you ever sat in the presence of someone you would never want to upset? Not because you have seen them at their worst but because something about them provokes you to be at your best because the best is what you want to cultivate in them. You want to be a mirror in the best way.
That was this.
Upon parting salutations he said “Thank you” and I said “No, thank YOU.” and he says “I didn’t do anything. You helped me.”
My reply was one so core felt that it was something I would avoid saying except I felt it so deeply that it had to be recognized.
“I say ‘thank you’ because you truly bring out the better parts of my personality, and I miss those parts of myself. “
I expand beyond all my fears of rejection and just say what is true, what is real in these moments. He appears to comprehend while being caught off guard.
I’m sick of hiding my love for people, things and the world in general. Sick of tucking it into notebooks hidden beneath dust.
I’m sick of people looking for a fight and bringing out the part of me that is willing to fight back over nothing- nonsense.
To feel in the comfort of oneself while in the company of another warrior who has no reason to war with their company.
I am a warrior, I am also a willing servant. I am hardened and yet still somewhat soft. I’m beyond first impressions and superficial adaptions in order to please those with no clue or reason.
One must thank those who bring comforting company. One must appreciate that they found a momentary respite.
When I said “Thank you,” it was from the bottom of my heart, from the stretch in my sinew, and from the fibers of my nerves. It was gentle yet heavy- The words were simple and what I could manage but the feeling was vast and if led by my fluency would have taken too much time to express.