Aug 2002

11E,

Well, I am home.  And sort of in disbelief that I am here.  It is so wierd.  I went out tonight despite not sleeping for over 48 hours.  I saw a bunch of people from high school.   I didn’t want to talk to them; they looked really lost.  The same old people hanging out with the same old people since God knows when.

I was glad I wasn’t them.

Then I started thinking… in your own little way, you are those people.

And throughout our relationship I tried to be those people despite the fact; that inside, I really didn’t want to be those people.

This is neither bad nor good.  It is just yet another thing that makes us different.

I’ve never wanted that lifestyle.  I feel, something else awaits me.  Somewhere else.

And that’s okay.  I’m willing to search until I find it.

You too will find something.

The “same old, same old” routine fits you, and you enjoy it…

Maybe you always will.  Perhaps it fits your comfort level.

I am still waiting on my niche.

E, You are amazing in your own ways! And so creative; please, never become so comfortable with things, that you forget to expand your mind and your inspiration.

I am stoned right now.   Sitting in a pop up camper in my parents back yard.

This letter probably makes no sense, but regardless, I am going to write it.

I always thought you put on the facade of “the well adjusted funny guy,” but as I have gotten to know you; I see that even you doubt yourself at times.  And sometimes “sort of comfortable” is just comfortable enough.

Spread your fucking wings, E!  DOOO IT!  You can!

Listen to me, BAH Miss Wyoming.

I’m sorry we couldn’t just have our sweet perfect last day.  But just as our first meeting paraded as perfect, we lived a farce and tried to birth truth and perfection…AHHH, how we tried!  No worries.

We loved, we were wrong and diseased in our own ways.

We learned, we lost eachother, and gained knowledge.

Luck, and blessings to you.

I gave you my love, and part of my heart… but you must know I will ask for it back sometime down the road.

You can have yours back too…ya know… for someday down the road.

Good, bad, we did it all with passion and intensity.  Thanks!  I don’t hate you and never will.  I am glad I feel this way.

I love you, boy.  And the maturity we both need is just over the hill, almost at hand.  But we both know, we are going to have to let go of all we know and accept as “normal” and “comfortable” to get there.

It’s just another leg in the journey.  See you at the end?

Love you still and in my heart

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10 thoughts on “Aug 2002”

  1. Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it
    was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any recommendations for rookie blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

    1. Cheers Wilma! I wish I had some insight for you, but sadly I don’t. I started this blog in 2010 because a friend insisted on setting it up for me. I then used it as a sort of digital archive of things past and present to share. It has only been in the last 48 hours or so, that I have had more people visit my writing, than I had the entirety of time between the beginning of the blog and now… pretty amazing. I can definitely say it is because of George Stankov and his ability to publish my contact with him. So for that I thank him very much. What I can tell you, Wilma, is that I am not in this for money or fame or anything much like that… though, let me tell you, I get a huge energy boost off of sharing and having people participate with the ideas I am playing with. Mostly though, I want my presence out there, for inspiration and commiseration. I enjoy interacting with the deeper parts of human nature, and this allow me a way of holding space with out being too pushy. I suppose you either resonate with it, or you don’t. Either is fine. I am happy that you have found it, and I hope you participate more in the commentary. As for your blog… Be you, if you want to take it into a means of making money, learn the ropes. Otherwise just be thankful that you have a public venue in order to express and co-create… everything else will evolve organically. May you be blessed in your journey and inspired in your words!

  2. I seldom comment, however i did a few searching and wound up here Aug 2002 | Madge Midgely.
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    1. Hey Annie, thank you for visiting my blog! And also a word of gratitude for your support and appreciation. Thank you for visiting, and if I get a donation page, I will let you know. I have a paypal account, but I am mad at them, so I have stopped supporting that means. Feel free to send a PM to madgemidgely@gmail.com, if you would like to chat or suggest topics for discussion. Many blessings to you, and In Lakesh!

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