If you are a Cheyenne resident-voter that follows local politics, the name of Richard Johnson, has probably popped up in conversation more than once around the water cooler.
In all seriousness, it appears that he has a completely diametric effect on those who have taken notice of his politics; whether from the outside looking in, or first hand. You either love him, hate him or find yourself completely confused by him and his presence in the political arena.
Some may say, though, that “is par for the course when it comes to politicians.” Rich, however, is far from par for the course when it comes to politics.
And, now, our Black Sheep Councilman, is running for Mayor, on a write-in campaign.
Richard is a life long resident of Cheyenne.
He has been labeled as “subversive” or “controversial” and those labels are nothing new when it comes to how he chooses to play his role in the game of society.
From a young age, Rich was getting things done in a manner of hard grit sandpaper. Ruffling feathers with his ideas; all while making strong attempts to involve sub-sectors of our community, places, and ways- to feel included in the conversation.
Take for instance, his involvement and passion to help get the skate park built.
I remember this town before there was a skate park. I didn’t skate but many of my friends did and I knew how badly they wanted a place to go; a magical place where they could do what they wanted to; a place where they weren’t going to get yelled at or cited for “illegal skating.”
Rich was just a few years older; he cared about skating AND politics enough to jump in, quickly discovering the depth of agendas when building something new in a city. Ultimately it all came down to politics and support of the community.
At a first and superficial glance, some may assume that Rich is just out to break things.
Breaking the systems and people who view him as obstructive or destructive… but can One individual really break something that is already blocked and/ or broken? Can One individual use their own transparency to show others that they need not pretend that superficial fixes and ignorance will alleviate a certain history of systematic dysfunction, that no longer fits our growing and changing the economy?
I suppose Richard is out to challenge that in a very direct way that will yet again ruffle feathers.
This is not to say that in the process of his involvement, officially with the City Council, that he hasn’t himself changed, and noticeably so…
It’s a moody spring day in Cheyenne, Thursday in the third week of May; we decide to meet up at the new Danielmark’s Brewpub, to discuss his effect on the community, and the reasons for the write-in campaign.
Rich looks like I feel; tired, and perhaps retaining some water. On his head is a black ball cap that proclaims “DON’T ASK ME 4 SHIT!”… ironic accessory to wear to an interview… when all I have is answers to ask for.
As per usual, he has also accessorized with one of his favorite black metal band t-shirts; today it’s Panzerfaust. According to Wikipedia
“Panzerfaust is an inexpensive, single shot, recoil-less German anti-tank weapon of World War II. It consists of a small, disposable pre-loaded launch tube firing a high-explosive anti-tank warhead, and was intended to be operated by a single soldier. “
This could be the end of this article. Whether or not he realizes it (and I guess that he does), he sums himself up consistently, without the help of others.
My hope for this series of pieces is to give you a more clear view of where Rich stands on topics effecting this town. For those of you who may be on the fence, or just on the side of the fence where the haters hang out; This is for you.
We grab our brews, and head out to the nice new Danielmark’s patio, and jump straight into it.
“Well, Rich, tell me about how you have become who you’ve hated?”
Basically, over the last month, I have done a huge paradigm shift from who I was before January 5, 2015. Pretty much before that, I was an idealist, and now I am the fucking worst pessimist you’ve ever fucking met.
“So you basically skipped realism, and jumped straight to pessimism?”
Well, because I know that there are ebbs and flows, and right now it’s on a flow, and soon it will be on an ebb…and we’re going to get another old man as Mayor. And I bet you that this year the status quo is going to go out in droves and kill everything (progressive.) I was actually waiting for more candidates to run against me, not because of who I am, but basically because of what I stand for. So I thought there would be a lot more opposition candidates. I mean they have nine more days to file… I figured they would come in a put the kibosh on it. I mean if they really look at it, I haven’t done anything except repeal some laws and ordinances. Like spitting is coming up, and weapons. Basically (the) chickens was a thing that nobody thought should happen, but I just did it to piss people off.“
“Are you maybe just being a little too hard on yourself? I mean, you have only been in the position a year, and it probably takes at least a year to figure out what you are doing, since you hadn’t done it before.”
No, I knew exactly what I was doing. I did it with the skate park. I knew what government was all about, that’s why I thought I could just, kind of, mesh in. But, you know, really, it’s just smoke and mirrors. I don’t really feel like anything has really been accomplished in seventeen months.
“But, you didn’t have a clear plan, right?”
No. And I never do. I never run on that type of shit. I told them, that I have no agenda. For my write in, let’s just say that this community better hope I’m never elected for Mayor.
“What does that even mean?”
I will raise the impact fees for developers. I will never have a sixpenny or seven penny tax, where you have to pay for a fire station because a developer wants to keep a couple of million for themselves. I WILL RAISE IMPACT FEES, and I WILL make developers pay for fire stations and more police officers. And I know, the Chamber of Commerce is going to come after me and tell me that I am not supporting local business. Then the Council is going to flip flop on me because they are a bunch of cowards. They are going to get scared that suddenly local business’ that hires local employees, is going to get the shaft again. If you look at inflation rates the Walmart on Livingston paid $125.00 for their final flat.”
Richard then explains his observation of wasted funds on spaces, with things like landscaping, in the name of “beautification” with plants that are having a hard time surviving in our climate at the times of year that they are planted. At the same time he is addressing his experience with the community complaining about the overgrown Green Way, that is justified to not be trimmed as a means of “trash mitigation and purification of waters with natural grasslands.”
Johnson makes note that Cheyenne lacks a specific beautification plan that is symbiotic with the climate and environment of the city and surrounding areas, and that citizens and business’ are wasting funds yearly on everything but long-lasting beautification solutions that can also add to the potential uniqueness of Cheyenne.
Maybe it was the topics of trash and monetary waste; that the conversation led next to the other Mayoral Candidates running for office.
As you may have heard before this article, Johnson is running on a write-in campaign. No signs, no banners, no $25.00 entry fee to put his name in the hat. He doesn’t think you need to spend money on a campaign, and he is out to prove it in his own renegade way. Some people are laughing, I know… and maybe I am giggling a little on the inside, too. My reason is, “you never know until you try, and if you don’t put any money in… what do you have to lose?” Right?
A slight controversy recently came up online, after Marian Orr announced her Mayoral bid with videos, balloons and bright orange posters. Richard boiled it down to gimmicks and things that would end up as trash in peoples yards. In turn, he encouraged voters to avoid posters on their lawns and in their business’, and instead, actually investigate what the constituents were currently doing in the community that would prove they should have a seat ( whether City Council, Mayor, or beyond.)
Social Media followers of Richard Johnson and active participants in the community eager to try their hand at city council agreed with his logic. Gabe Pina of Pina Accounting and the Downtown Cheyenne Business Coop is running for a seat in Ward 3 City Council. He was inspired to ask his supporters to donate to one of several community charities in lieu of campaign donations.
I almost feel like an asshole now, every time I go into a new business opening because I am surrounded by fake assholes. I am surrounded by ‘candidates’. It’s almost like everything I have done for the last year and a half on my own was “Oh I am elected, now I have to really go out and support my community. “
And support his community he did. “Richard Johnson, You Failed This City” has been just as abuzz with community events as it has been with Johnson’s personal rants; raves, observations, controversial pictures and not so rhetorical questions.
Anything having to do with Cheyenne; issues within the community have been posted to his social media participants, by Richard himself. Concerns by the public have been emailed to him, and he has posted them anonymously to gauge the interest of the community with topics raised. Overall, Rich has made a pretty concerted effort to attend as many events as possible regardless of niche or perceived “cool” factor.
More than once, Richard has arrived unannounced, and not specifically invited. And, perhaps to some onlookers, who may have been selfly placated in their own perceived superiority; were the least impressed with the effort in which Mr. Johnson was asserting himself into political circles concerning this community in the fine state of Wyoming.
So, though perhaps not out to impress, Richard Johnson is more willing than others to play the game and attempt to beat it by breaking the status quo. Whether he breaks it, or perhaps just overloads the system; there is bound to be an impact for Cheyenne.
Are you familiar with the action of a wrecking ball?
That is Sara Goossen in a nutshell. The lady is powerful, energetic, and ready to knock excuses out of the way. She is a bright and compassionate person who sees the potential in people and then helps individuals harness their inner bad ass. This talent is an imperative staple in her personal business model.
October 1, 2012, Sara opened Fit Body Boot Camp- Cheyenne, with 14 clients. Her goal is to change the lives of 5000 of Cheyenne’s citizens by 2017. As of April 2015, she has trained and cultivated a community of 1200 residents who are interested in adopting a healthy life style. That is an average of 400 people a year, getting active and aware in the fair city of Cheyenne and it’s surrounding areas. No small feat for this 5’3″ wrecking ball.
Sara and I got together to discuss her fitness past and her optimistic fitness future; how she came to start FBBC and some of her own trials and tribulations in the fitness process.
Before I jump into the interview, I would like to state that when you are looking for a gym, and a support system to help you change your habits; having a leader like Sara is imperative because she has run the gamut of unhealthy eating and body weight issues. She has children, she knows struggles and excuses. She has taken initiative on her own, in her own life in order to transcend her past hang ups. In turn Sara has turned hardships into valuable insight for those at any point in their fitness journey.
It may be easier for certain people to take her ethic very seriously because she didn’t start out on this lifestyle right after high school or college before having children; when most women’s bodies are still in that youthful metabolism. She wasn’t always healthy. It was a choice that she had to dedicate herself to; which meant a long road of challenges that led to the changes that are evident in her today.
Let’s find out more, shall we?
March/April 2015; back in the game after a 2 month break.
STATS
AGE: 28
HEIGHT: 5’3″
WEIGHT: 145.3 lbs
FAVORITE EXERCISE: RUNNING STAIRS, WORKING THE BACK, AND SQUATS
LEAST FAVORITE EXERCISE: BUILDING CLIMBERS
Breaks are temporary… This lady is out to GET IT DONE!
Let’s talk about your fitness past, eating disorders, all that stuff.
It goes so far back, it’s disturbing… so, okay, 10 years old; my mom told me I needed to stop eating granola bars because they were making me fat and at that point in time I had just finished some book, I can’t remember the title of, and it was talking abou this girl who would throw up, because she was so fat. So…I…followed suit.
Thank God for Children’s Literature, right?
Yeah, I was like, “Well, now I am well informed and I can solve this problem.
(Sara reminences with awkward laughter.)
So, at ten years old that started fourteen years of just roller coaster disordered eating; ranging the spectrum of binging and purging to just starving myself. When I got pregnant with my son, when I was sixteen, I kind of just said “Fuck it. It doesn’t matter if I am skinny; it doesn’t matter if I am fat…I am pregnant. I can eat whatever I want and have no guilt.” I gained 50 pounds when I was pregnant with him, and I lost ten. I lost some weight nursing, but after I stopped nursing him, I continued the disordered eating cycle.
Just picked it up where you left off?
Yep, just picked it up right where I left off. And I knew… I was an athlete in high school, I knew about nutrition but it’s not something that I ever listened to because disordered eating was so much easier than learning how to feed myself. At nineteen I married my now ex-husband, (my daughters’ father) and gained all that “happy weight” I maxed out the scale before we got married, at 197 lbs…. so, I looked like a cow in my wedding dress.
None of this happens over night… it takes time to get to either end of the spectrum. Which one would you prefer to be closer to?
Thank god for girdles….
After that we were trying to get pregnant with Emma, and couldn’t get pregnant… couldn’t get pregnant. We tried for two years, and I finally went to the doctor and asked “what is going on?” I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and the doctor told me that I had to make a lifestyle change, or else…. “you’re going to end up with diabetes; you are more apt to have certain types of cancer, you are just going to get fatter, your thyriod is going to peter out…” All the things that go along with PCOS… “This is your future. You either make a change now or enjoy your future where it is headed.”
At that point I sought help because I knew my disorder was no longer a sustainable way to live life. It wasn’t mentally or emotionally healthy.
So I lost about 20 lbs. and we got pregnant with Emma through a series of fertility treatments. When I was pregnant with Emma I only gained about 20 lbs and then I lost it all right away. At that point they (the doctors) said “Well you are probably not going to be able to have any more children, so don’t worry about it.” And I thought, okay, cool; I am just going to go back to doing the whole weight loss thing, because I still had fifty pounds to go.
So I lost another twenty pounds, and then I got pregnant with my daughter Ileena… BOOM! I remember going to my dads house and saying, “Well… I am pregnant again just when I was gettting my ‘sexy’ back.” My grandma looks at me and says “Well honey, maybe that’s the problem.”
Double edged sword on that one…
Yeah! So I got pregnant and did that whole thing and I only gained fifteen pounds with Ailena , and I lost that all right away. November 2009 I found Body For Life, Bill Phillips, transformation.com ; whom I heard about from my step-mom. So I thought, I am going to try this thing. (Everybody thought I was crazy for starting during the holidays.) It was pretty easy; three days of lifting, three days of cardio, all high intensity intervals. By doing that the next three months I was able to loose the rest of the weight. About half way through that three month process I was like “Ya, know, I want to help other people because I can do this as some one who has struggled their whole life with eating well and taking care of themselves … I can help some one else do this.”
I got my personal training certification.
How long did that take you?
It was about four months and about that time I was working for my dad as his administrative assistant amoung other things. I decided that I would try this training thing before and after work, and see what happens. I did that and it just blew up, so in June 2010, I quit my job working for my dad and I started training full time.
I was doing a lot of one on one training and two boot camp sessions at a local gym. I was making money, doing something I love. I worked there for two years and I left because there were some issues that made it neccessary for me to get out of that environment. I decided, I am just going to start my own place; I left and they came after me with for violating my no-compete/ no-solicitation agreement.
Looking back, I was so mad at the time. I was furious, like how could they do this? How can this stand up? Well, it stood up because I had solicited the people who had signed up with me, but were also their clients. I had to take a year off of training and I went back to working for my dad for a year and within that year I knew I needed to do something. I was miserable.
When you are following a life of passion and suddenly it is taken away; it’s like the wind has been knocked out of your sails. You don’t even feel like a human being. I started looking down in Colorado for places I could move to and open up. I was doing all this during the same time I was being sued and working for my dad; I also had gotten a divorce from my kids father. It was everything that could go wrong, did.
I was at an impass; like shit, what do I do?
I looked down in Boulder and I spent about six months driving back and forth, just looking for a location I could open up. I encountered road block after road block.
By this point I had already talked to the CEO of Fit Body, who has been a long time friend. I told them, I want to do this but I have to wait until this year is up or I am screwed.
Was that part of your Non-compete agreement? Did you have a time limit to wait?
Yes, that was the year. One year to the day, October 1, 2012; we opened up with fourteen clients. I was just so excited to be open and be able to do what I love to do. That’s it… the rest is history. Here we are today; looking for another space, a bigger place… sitting down with the bank and talking about bigger loans.
The beginning bare bones of a fitness fortress in the making.
That’s pretty quick, only three years.
Yeah, less than three years actually.
How do you know the CEO of Fit Body?
The fitness industry is so small, it really is. So if you don’t know every one you soon will if you stay in it long enough. I met him doing a master mind. I was in there with the two founders of Fit Body Boot Camp, Steve Hochman and Bedros Keuilian. I was in Steve’s Master Mind and through that I met Bedros. We had several conversations and talked on the phone several times, emailed back and forth; He called me up one day and said ” What’s it going to take to get you to open a Fit Body? And I told him, “You know what it will take, you know what I am up against right now. It’s going to have to take one hell of a deal and some patience and that is where it’s at.” So he said “Alright, let’s make it happen.”
At this point it was going from licensing to a franchise, so they were looking for people and I just happened to be one of those people.
Do you get together with other gym owners?
I do know a lot of the Fit Body owners simply because we get together quarterly; every three months, usually in San Diego or Chino Hills, California. There is a great community with in Fit Body, even from a corporate structure coming all the way down to the clients. It’s nice that we can just continue to pay it forward. It’s pretty cool, and a very unique situation.
Would you like to talk about your competition stuff?
OH YEAH! Sure! I don’t want to bore you to tears with business.
I first competed in August of 2011, I also ran the Denver half marathon in October 2010, and after that I gave myself permission to never run again. (laughter.) I find it really useless and painful. It turns out I am better suited for lifting heavy things than go fast.
2011 looks good on Sara Gosseen!
Did you do this on your year of sabbatical?
No, it was right before everything blew up in my face. Then I competed in my second figure show August 2013.
2013 looked even better!
Did you win anything?
I did. I placed 5th in the second show, I was pretty excited about that. Granted there were only six figure competitors, so I was 5th, but I was happy to have something to take home, regardless.
My first show I did there were 36 figure competitors, and I think I finished 34th. So I was like, “I think I have improved!”
‘High Knees” are different than heinies… make sure both are in good form!
Were these in Wyoming?
The one in 2011 was in Loveland, Colorado. The Warrior Classic, and the other one was in Wyoming, and that was the Jay Cutler Classic. And that Dude, is a Big Dude. I have a picture of him somewhere.
Not only is Jay Cutler bohemoth, but he makes Sara look like a tiny lil tea cup. Jay Cutler Classic 2013.
He was there?
Yeah, he is huge! He is a moose of a man! My head is as big as his shoulder!
He could pick you up in the palm of his hand!
Honestly I am getting the bug again, to compete. I am trying to weigh out the time commitment that it takes, along with my other obligations to see what it will take… if it’s something I can feasibly do right now while keeping everything else balanced. I do love competing .
If you wait to have your own place, you could put on your own competition, in house competition. Then you won’t have to go too far.
That is one of the most fun things about competition; you get to meet so many interesting people from all over the country. People who are busting their asses just to get super lean for just a minute. It literally lasts a day. You deplete enough to have a six pack for a day, and then you gain 20 pounds the next day because you drink water. It’s crazy.
It would be interesting to time lapse a person going through the build up to competition, and then the 24 hours afterward. Once you get the tanner off, and start drinking water again, it’s like what the hell? You blossom like a flower.
You still eat, you carb load the day of to fill out your muscles because you have depleted to the point that you have taken all the glycogen and striped your body of literally everything. It’s not something you want to do often because it is kind of dangerous, BUT, it’s still fun to push your mental ability and physical barriers. That is big for me, because I love the challenge.
Are you a challenge junkie?
I totally am! I love the personal challenge. Competing against other people is fun, but figure prep is anywhere from 2-5 months.
It’s kind of interesting that you have struggled with disordered eating which is in and of itself sort of an addiction, and pushing your body to a limit and challenging it, but not in a very healthy way. And here you have turned your addiction around to a healthier way of expressing it. Yet, there are still these extremes that you go to.
It totally is. What I think helps me with competing and the lifestyle of body building is the structure that it provides. It’s like a security blanket. You take some one with an eating disorder who has struggled with that their entire life, and you say, “you don’t have to struggle, here is some structure. Have a nice day.” It’s like, “okay, this is safe.”
Then the biggest struggle, is will power to be able to keep on the regamine.
Yeah, it’s like any other fitness goals… as long as you have that dead line… the finish line at the end; it makes it that much easier. It’s not like you have to do this for a lifetime or else… It’s here is your dead line, and then you reset the goal. And that is something that is really, really exciting for me.
Through competing I learned to accept my body, where ever it is; whether I am 120 pounds or 145. I am still strong, I am still beautiful and I am still worthy of love and acceptance and success. That is one of those things that I have accidentally learned through the process. It is a by product.
I know a lot of people who compete who struggle with that mindset. Like if they don’t have a six pack they are done for. They are like “Oh My God, My Life Is OVER!”
It basically boils down to bulemia or dysmorphia. It’s all activated on the same brain wave length, same neurological pathway. It’s been nice to find freedom from that as I have gotten older. To not be stressed out about the numbers, to see yourself and be like “You look good!”
IT’s a good example to your kids, too.
I hope so. Sometimes I wonder, “am I ruining these little people?”
Mommy, Wife, Business Owner and Encourager of the Masses… what can’t this lady do? Photo courtesy of Lacey Dippold Photography
Instead of “You’re the reason mommy has a drinking problem,” it’s more like “You are the reason mommy has an exercise problem.”
That’s funny beacause when I took two months off earlier this year, my kids were like “what is wrong with her?” I did not feel like myself. I felt like I was insane most days; like absolutely bat shit crazy.
You needed to be exerting yourself.
Yeah, I needed that rush of endorphins and I think it was something that I had always taken for granted because I have been doing it for so long, it’s just been part of my life for so long. When I completely took it out, I had no idea the impact it would have on me. Not just physically but spiritually, emotionally and mentally. I got to tell you, the week we started working out again, my husband and I; He was like “Gosh you are so much easier to be around.” And I knew he meant that in the sweetest way possible, instead of being a jerk, and I was like “I know, trust me, it’s easier to be in my head.” I went to the doctor and I asked am I schitzophrenic, what is going on here? And she said “I think you are depressed.” And I just needed exercise.
So tell me about your favorite success story to come out of here.
My favorite one, honestly, is from when I very, very first started. He followed me when I opened Fit Body. His name is Austin, he was 16 when he came to me he was 386 lbs. and he was tall and huge. He knew he had a problem. He was home schooled so he didn’t have a lot of interaction with other kids. The reason he was home schooled was because when he was in school, the other kids were just horrible to him because he was so big and kind of awkward and quiet.
He would come, every single day to Boot Camp. At that point in time, they were 1 1/2 hour sessions, he would show up at 6:00 AM, every day. And even if he couldn’t do it, he would struggle through it.
He asked me, “what do I eat? how do I do it?”
His mom was onboard, but I didn’t see her much. Sometimes she would come and walk while he did Boot Camp. Every now and then she would come talk to me, well when I took the year off, Austin started power lifting and he took his focus off the weight loss. Then he came over to Fit Body when I opened, and he brought his mother with him, and they did it together.
It was just so, so, so cool. He ended up losing 110 lbs by the time he was 19. Then they moved to Oregon. He was such a great, great kid. It was just so cool to see how he was able to influence his mom because it’s usually the parents who influence the kids. He was able to influence his mom after two years of going at it by himself.
Was she also over-weight?
Yes, she was, but such a nice, nice gal. I look back on those two, especially Austin and I think “That kid could have made every excuse in the world because teenagers do, adults do. Teenagers learn from what the adults model.” He just was like “I am tired of this. I am tired of being the ‘fat kid’. I don’t mind being a ‘big kid’, I am 6’3″. But I am tired of being the ‘fat kid'”
The last Halloween he was here, he dressed up as The Hulk; and that involved taking off his shirt, and painting himself green, and walking around with out a shirt on. Two years prior to that you would have never seen him do that. It was so cool to see him blossom from this awkward quiet, video gamer (indoor) kid to this little ball of life and energy, and sass.
It was fun to not only see his journey of weight loss but also to see how he grew as a person. To see him evolve into an adult from a kid that just didn’t want to be fat and made fun of.
Do you stay in contact with him?
I do. I stay more into contact with his mom because he is a young adult now and all over the place.
It would be interesting to see if he takes a career in Fitness from this influence. It seems like people who a great at teaching come from a past of being ostersized.
So, we have touched on this, but obviously Fitness has a positive effect on your homelife.
Oh God, yeah! The kids are like “Mom, go work out, you are driving us crazy.” It is also nice though, because my husband and I can share it together. Every morning Monday through Saturday we go work out together, and then go to work and do our thing. It’s been a good bonding experience for us too. Although it did take us three years for him to come and work out with me. The first time we exercised together, he was having a bad day and we were just friends at the time. I was like “he’s having a bad day, just go lift, and he will be fine.” Well a half hour in, he is dry heaving on himself, and I was like ” I thought you were in shape?” Well, after that he didn’t come back to work out with me for three years. And he comes to boot camp, and he makes it through the whole thing, and after that he said “I am going to have to wait until you are ‘deconditioned’ a little before we can work out together.”
He took the oppertunity while I took two months off to “even the playing field.”
Since then it has been nice, in the last couple of months to have that morning time with my husband because we have five kids… we need that time together. It’s nice to have that time and cheer each other on.
What are some of your future goals?
Really my mission is just to help people and it always has been. I am in the business of changing lives and if I am not changing lives, then I am doing something wrong.
Watch out folks….
YOU RUINED MY LIFE THROUGH EXERCISE!
Ha, ha! Oh man, if some one said that to me, I would have to reevalute everything. I really do just want to leave an impact on this world. And, Cheyenne… God Bless it, and all of it’s citizens; (but Cheyenne) is a FAT city. Overweight, unhealthy; spiritually, mentally and physically. People are over worked and under paid, or over worked and over paid. They have little or no time for their families , no time for themselves; no time to do anything. So we have people spinning their wheels, but for what? At the end of the day if you don’t have your health, you have nothing left. I don’t want to out live my children. I see obese kids around and I want to slap their parents. I don’t want to beat the kids, but I want to slap the parents. It makes me so mad. But then I look at it, and you have to change the lives of the parents before you can change the lives of the children. At the end of the day, it is our job as adults to make those responsible decisions. It isn’t easy, but it is our responsiblity.
It’s in my heart to change the health of this community, if not the entire community of Wyoming, but that’s a long way off down the road. I want to continue to make a difference in peoples health and in their lives.
Thirty minutes of exercise might not seem like much, but it can change how a wife treats her husband. She is in a better mood, she feels better about herself, she feels more attractive… she actually wants to be with her husband instead of saying ” I don’t see what you see, at all.”
It changes how a mother treats her children because she has more energy, she will want to take them to the park, or go hiking and do stuff. Or maybe she is just in a better mood and doesn’t want to paddle their butts just for being little people.
It is just fitness, it is just a work out… but it can change EVERYTHING. I have seen it with myself. I saw it when I started my journey years ago and I still see it today. If I don’t work out, I need to work out because I start feeling ‘cagey’ inside. Anxious.
What has your biggest triumph been in your personal fitness journey?
I think just staying the course. Every day is a new day. I can’t say one event has been a real defining moment in my health and fitness journey. I think it just staying course with the lifestyle. I mean sometimes I fall off, just like anyone. I go on a little cookie diet, when I feel stressed, and then I gain eight pounds and then I have to lose it again. At the end of the day just knowing that I am doing what I need to be doing is just great. But when I am not doing that I can tell a difference. So for me, it’s just committing to the lifestyle.
Is there anything you would want to change?
No. Not really because I believe even the hard stuff is lessons. And I think I am far more grateful now toward some of the hardships that I went through. When you look back at it, it just gives you an oppertunity to learn about yourself; to learn about others and the way the world works. Hardships are often self inflicted. So if anything it’s just learning about who I am and who I want to be and who I do not want to be. It’s just about growing up.
Would you like to give any tips or inspiration?
It’s just about consistency. You have to pick and plan and be consistent. It doesn’t matter what your plan is, as long as it has some good foundation of physical health, mental health and spiritual health. Even if it’s CrossFit or lifting or body building or boot camp; whatever it is, I think it’s just about picking something that works for you and stick with it. I know Boot Camp isn’t for everyone. I wish it was. At the end of the day finding something that works and sticking with it long enough to get results. So many people just go about their life by starting a new program every two weeks, saying “But I am just not getting results.” and I am like “Dude, it’s only been two weeks. Do you know how long it took me to lose 70 pounds?”
How long did it take you?
Beginning to end it took three years. Granted I got pregnant twice in between, but it took me three years to lose that 70 pounds. It’s not going to happen over night.
After spending all this time taking other peoples measurements; when do people, on average see a difference for themselves and accept that change is occurring?
Typically eight weeks, especially for women. I call it an 8 Week Miracle. Literally nothing on the scale can change and inches may not change, but may be your clothes fit differently. For whatever reason the inches may not change, your body fat may not change, and then one day you wake up and somewhere between the bedroom and the bathroom, you realize you lost your ass. It’s like it’s just fallen off somwhere and you hop on the scale and you are down ten pounds from the night before. And you will be like “what the hell? My scale must be broken.”
So you call in a spouse or a loved one and you have them hop on the scale and it says what it always says to them, and you hop back on there and it says the same thing, “you are down 10 lbs.”
You have to trust the process, long enough. Not just “half commit.”
“Oh I am just gonna work out for eight weeks and hope that everything is going to happen. You have to have a plan. Have a plan of attack and exicute it flawlessly. Even if you have one bad day, okay, perfect; get back on the band wagon, but don’t let that one bad day or one bad meal derail you for the next six months.
So I think that is the key. Consistency. You have to be consistent, no matter what. And that goes with anything; if it’s fitness related, or business related, or if you want better relationships. What ever it is, BE CONSISTENT! STICK WITH YOUR PLAN! Things WILL change.
In summery; Knowledge, is the awareness that all action has a reaction, and Wisdom, is using that awareness to your advantage whilst utilizing all available resources.
Fit Body Boot Camp works because of the significant insight that the program lends through collaborative Wisdom and Experience.
Fit Body Boot Camp is calling out more of Cheyenne to get involved in their fitness; and during the month of May we are taking extra efforts to expose residents to the opportunity. If you have been following this blog and you are tempted to try it; COME ON DOWN! Let them know you read this blog and that it has helped you to take the first step in health and wellness; or if you are new to town and looking for a fitness community and this seems up your alley, come take a test drive.
If this article interests you and you would like to read more, check out these related blogs. And as always I appreciate “likes”, comments, suggestions and subscribers; so please feel free to interact. And remember kids, Fitness is great, but Burpees SUCK!
Yesterday I touched on the subject, that motivation is easier to grasp when there is support along the way. Life style shifts are more smooth with like minded individuals.
Rarely do I read such a lengthy article, and agree with the whole thing, while simultaneously changing my beliefs and admitting I have been doing things wrong.
Johann Hari uses this article to explore that “.. the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection. ”
Our Culture has a distorted view on what addiction is, and sometimes it can seem that what is “repetitive” or “habitual” is actually classified to be addictive behavior.
In our current culture, addiction is mutually exclusive and associated to “unhealthy behavior.”
As Johann Hari had his own reasons to explore the truths behind addiction, I was enthralled at how he was able to empathetically articulate the single reason which leads to addictive behavior; environmental loneliness. Lack of support.
He mentions a study on rats. Rats that lived in healthy social environments chose not to ingest drug laced water, where as isolated rats chose to spend much of their time intoxicated; however when the sad isolated rat was returned to the healthy social environment, the rats avoided the laced water.
Additionally Hari mentions that 95% of opiate addicted Vietnam vets, were able to return to America and live productive lives, drug free with out rehab.
He poses the hypothesis that when people feel happy, supported and safe, they have no need to externally stimulate their opiate receptors, which inherently block pain… emotional or physical.
The propaganda and programming we have toward addicts, is that they need to be isolated, and cut off, until they can “get their shit in order.” And by the hypothesis of Hari, this leads to counter productive results, and actually enables an addict to continue their use, in order to avoid facing their isolation.
Our outdated views on addiction, do not take into (enough) account how unique each individual is, in their own chemistry and motivating life experience.
This begs to ask the question, is there such a thing as a “healthy” addiction?
Take for instance endorphins. Also known as endogenous morphine, which actually means “morphine like substance, naturally released within the body.” We all have opiate receptors in our brain, and things like sex, running, chocolate and extreme physical exertion can cause a natural flood of endorphins in to the blood and brain.
If you have ever heard of “runners high,” it is the point where the body becomes so infused with endorphins that begins to feel damn near invincible. The habit of running and naturally releasing the “feel good” hormone can become addicting; yet have you ever heard of Runners Anonymous? You never hear about runners needing to go to support groups for running too much.
Groups of runners are actually quite supportive of one another, regardless of level.
Addictions are often micro analyzed from the aspect of external introduction of chemicals, however it appears addiction has more to do with an individuals own chemistry and environment mixed with repetitive behavior, than it does with drugs.
Ask yourself this; Do you pick at your face in the mirror while talking shit to yourself?
Do you constantly self deprecate?
Do you cut yourself?
Do you compulsively gamble?
Do you binge and then purge?
Do you eat to console yourself?
Do you throw up after you eat?
Do you bite your finger nails, or click a pen?
This, along with a bunch of other drugless activities can be seen as addictive, depending on the individual (to others it could just be seen as annoying or burdensome.)
Depending on the individual, each of these activities can be soothing, and depending on how it all came about, can stimulate the brain to release endorphins. Numbing and soothing the “addict.”
Endorphins are not mutually exclusive to positive triggers. Endorphins are also released in when the brain when we take risks or go into “fight or flight mode.”
It can almost be deduced that all of us suffer from one addiction or another; if we do anything repetitively and find it comforting or get high from it. It is the brains response to seeking balance and to avoid pain.
And while, those of us who are struggling to get in shape, may not consider our previous stagnant lifestyles as “addictions;” there is something to say about the levels of our own hormones and chemistry which can mirror addiction which led to being unhappy with the self. This is how couch potatoes become athletes… they find a new way to trigger natural stimulation, that is easily attained. The perception pain shifts, and physical aches become worth the natural chemical rush.
If you find yourself, unhappy with your current state of things, and filling the void or blocking the pain; I encourage you to find a supportive activity to get those healthy triggered endorphins running through you. Start viewing your own body as a natural pharmacy that can be adapt genic.
Realize if you are being drawn to dissociative behaviors, something needs to change in your life, because that behavior is born from a lack of feeling supported and uncomfortable in your environment. Lucky for you, change always comes from within, and this may be just the reminder you needed…You CAN do this
Can you become addicted to hating on yourself? Yes, you can, especially if you live an unsupported lifestyle. Does it have to be permanent? No. You just have to find the courage to take the first step.
I am making a strong guess that everyone who chooses Fit Body Boot Camp for the first time, has some nervousness or anxiety going in on the first day. Actually, let’s be honest, they are probably nervous from the day they sign up until the end of the first class.
The bulk of my anxiety happened the night before. I hate nights before events, and this is certainly an Event (to Transform myself). I attempted to get to bed at a modest 9 pm. Which is hard for me on any given day. Usually I go to bed between 12 and 3 am.
My first goal was to hit the 5 am class. I wanted to get in there and get it over with because I had already spent four days wondering what exactly it would be like.
I got up at 4:10 after a restless night of “half sleep.” I had showered the night before, already picked out my clothes… breakfast was the problem. I often time, have a hard time eating food first thing when I get up, as it makes me nauseated. I wanted a shake, but felt bad about running the noisy blender so early in the morning. I ended up settling on a banana with peanut butter. (Which in retrospect was not nearly what I needed for what I was about to experience.)
I got into the gym at about a quarter to five. Night time Trainer, Ashley was there, bright eyed (except for the contact lens issues) and bushy tailed. She gave a friendly introduction and a warm welcome. There were a couple of other women there, getting themselves ready for warm up.
I wasn’t sure what to do, and as I am willing to admit; I have a hard time initiating my own introductions. So I sat on the mat doing some light stretches as more participants slipped in the door.
Finally at 4:59ish, Ashley took to the middle of the circle and began to explain todays circuit of exercises. There were four stations, each featuring two activities that would be repeated a few times. I lost count of how many sets were happening, because this class is VERY high paced.
We began with some warm up sets of stationary exercises, and then quickly moved into the stations.
Now let me tell you, the hardest part (for me); was facing myself, head on in the warm ups. In just a few short minutes, I could feel the effect of smoking cigarettes for ten years. I could tell I had lost most of my strength and endurance that I had only a short three years ago, from working on a sheep farm.
All I could think, is “oh shit, this is bad.”
I can’t tell you how many seasoned Fitters were in the class, or how many newbies; so if your excuse for NOT trying this program, is that you are afraid of people watching you…Let me tell you now; There is NO time to watch any one else. The exercises require proper form, and it is vital to pay attention to what you are doing with your own body. Ashley a, attentively walked around, adjusting those who needed assistance in form while encouraging every one to keep going.
At the second station, my body reminded me that I was not properly fueled and I started to feel nauseous and light headed. Ashley brought me an apple juice and I took a little breather. I took about a 30 second recoup and did my best at continuing.
Periodically I feel sick, and sip more juice, breathe a little and get back into motion.
I find myself having some mental frustration that I am not already good at this. Usually I can just pick up an activity for the first time, and feel confident. I understand that not everyone feels that way about themselves, and that I am a self perfectionist by nature. I have never done most of these activities before and admittedly I am out of shape.
I need to be compassionate with myself because, this is hard work. It took time to get where I am now; unhappy about my body. And in the process of being unhappy with myself, I haven’t been very compassionate with myself.
I believe that the accountability that Fit Body provides, will assist me and many others to learn to love; not just accept themselves. To feel strong enough to improve themselves in whatever way they are most inspired.
Being happy with your body is just one step in feeling confidant overall.
Imagine all the time you spent mentally hating on your body; imagine all the times you have complained about your body out loud.
Now imagine what it would be like to have all that energy back. To have the mental freedom to not constantly worry about your bodily insecurities. Sounds refreshing, right?
I don’t have any doubt, that The Fit Body Boot camp will live up to it’s claims, as long as I stay out of my own way.
I made a mistake today. I did something that I had purposefully been avoiding, knowing if I did it, it would make my head spin and send me out of control emotionally. But I went ahead and did it anyway.
I weighed myself.
I didn’t really need to do it. I can look at myself with or without a mirror, and tell with certainty, shit ain’t right. But I did it anyway, as some sort of sick confirmation of my misery.
Over the last 3 years I have lived the most stagnant life I have ever had the privilege of living. I take care of my 87 year old grandmother. And though I love her dearly, my chosen obligation has absolutely derailed my previous life styles.
I spend 90 percent of my time at home within easy reach of my grandmother. And the small luxuries of my previous lives that I have maintained are drinking heady beers, and eating amazing home cooked food.
My weight wouldn’t matter as much if those were not the only two little bliss factors in my life.
I am use to being quite social, active, and involved in mentally and physically engaging activities. I am use to working hard, and playing hard, metabolizing both alcohol and experience.
Instead I have become well versed in Netflix, and drinking alone. Not drinking to get drunk, mind you. Drinking because I love beer.
Today is day 5 of not drinking. My body is going through a disgusting skin detox.
I stood naked before my shower, looking in the mirror, muttering to myself, “I really shouldn’t weigh myself. It is a bad idea.”
I responded by pulling the scale out of the cabinet. Stepping up, looking down. Which led to crying.
I know that concepts of beauty are not entirely tied into how much a person weighs. Beauty is a thing from within, that is sometimes evident without. I do not feel beautiful on either side of the coin. I have been strategically hiding behind costumes in order to play a role of comfort and confidence.
I have seen myself be physically content with my body before, and it is the best feeling EVER! Why? Because it becomes one less thing to worry about on a day to day basis. When I am happy with my physical appearance, I feel more capable of handing other aspects of living. No one likes the girl who is constantly worried about how she looks because she doesn’t have the confidence to radiate.
Facing the truth of how my body has morphed over the last 3 years, happened about a month ago. I stood to a challenge and went to an comedy open mic. I recorded my set. The set wasn’t bad at all, but I couldn’t get over how my once toned arms, radiated white like big wings on a bird. They seem huge.
I use to joke that women need great girl friends that will let them know when they start to get back fat. I haven’t had any girl friends around lately to remind me of my appearance. I mean what do I have to look good for when I am at home with an elderly lady 90% of the time?
The hardest part of all of this, is realizing that how I look and feel is a byproduct of me not being in the right place for me. The situation has muddled my once sharp brain, into a reclusive and miserable person. I don’t like it at all. It is hard to radiate beauty when feeling so despondent and under inspired.
I am facing the fact, that the time is drawing near to leave. I have to go.
I love my grandma with all of my heart, and I want to see her be safe and healthy, but at what cost?
I have cost my own health and well being to be with her in some respite.
People treat me like I am doing some sort of martyrdom in this experience. But I do not feel like a martyr. I feel that I haven’t done as well as I could or should have. And that feeling isn’t getting any better. I wouldn’t be surprised if all this gain has something to do with the massive amounts of cortisol I am undoubtedly producing within my stagnant stress barrier.
I have become so stuck, I am not sure what direction to go to get out of it. I just know I need to move, and shift, and stretch, and run far, far away from the anchor I have bound myself to.
I would love to spend a month with raw foodies, with active, patient lives. I would like to take the time to reprogram my neuroplasticity into a vibe more along where my heart sings.
I feel inclined to run back to other versions of my past, while truly desiring to make something new and redefined for myself. But I don’t know where to go, I don’t know who to ask. And maybe I won’t, until I just get out of the parameter I have found myself choosing to be stuck inside.
I want to feel beauty, and beautiful. I want to radiate more than I ever have before. I want to make something happen, or be apart of what is happening. A feeling that would be in juxtaposition of how the last three years have felt like, waiting.
I am too young to be waiting on death, and that is the place I have been.
I know I can’t wait on health and wellness to find me. And I know I can’t wait for myself to just get over what I am feeling.
Blessings to YOU, Dear Ones, of Illusive Nature and yet Who speak to Us in metaphors about the Nature of Illusion.
NOW is the TIME when WE grow WEARY of Your Illusive Illusions of this Delusion We live in.
NOW is the TIME when WE CALL TO YOU DIRECTLY, and ASK with great DESIRE and CONCERN to Speak, NOW, to Us in easily understood terminology.
We have been swayed by the loops and somewhat vague nature of your messages. Each mind, interpreting each message in their own way. Each wondering if they have done enough… if they will make it into Heavens embrace, to see the face of the Creator.
The singular I that IS, has grown weary, time and time again. These cycles of Ascension are tedious and at times very confusing. It is in those moments, I need the most simple and clear answers in order to allay my own Mortal attitudes.
As these cycles continue in their intensity, I find myself void of such answers. The Heavenly call to submit, and surrender, leaves me wondering if I am better off just laying in bed. For that feels like surrender. And yet in the same notes You can recommend we continue with our daily tasks in knowing the time is neigh.
I know, I do not speak of just the I that IS, when I bring attention to the many of Us who have felt an inability to start long term projects, and at times even finishing projects that were already started meant for the long term. You have asked us to Live with two feet on Earth, and our heads in sights of Heaven.
Perhaps you are truly unaware of how uncomfortable this can be for many reasons. However, it is, and it is disconcerting. By no means, am I that IS, telling You how or when to do Your job, as that would just be silly… However I that IS, calls to you for less metaphor and more direct lines of communication.
I that IS, understands that You speak in a language of Love, and Compassion allowing Us to wander toward Our own conclusions. And that is all in the cycle and movement of the soul. However, the I that IS, is ready for her judgment, as She is tired of judging herself and others. She IS anxious in awaiting Her call, perhaps a little afraid that if it comes, at the end of the line will be rejection… that is IF She even gets called at all.
The I that IS, is calling for divine intervention in those who are feeling the same way, but Heaven has already set them a place. May those who will be invited through the gates, be hand delivered their invitations from Divinity. Please, expedite this request through the proper channels.
The I that IS, appreciates all You do for Us, and thanks You greatly for the messages you are able to share. May this letter be taken into consideration, as a gift of acknowledgement from the I that IS of the Faith of a Child.
Who do you look up to? Why? What endearing or respectful qualities does this person carry, worthy of being a hero? Do you, yourself also harness these qualities, or do you envy them and worship them in others, whilst not embracing them into yourself?
Let me tell you about my Hero.
Now I am not a religious person. I do not buy into secular doctrine presented through Churches or religious organization. I have spent some hours in the bible, and at Bible College. I have continued my research into spirituality and faith through my own accord and intuition.
My hero is whatever the embodiment of Christ Consciousness is. And let me tell you, he ain’t no hippie dippy Jesus.
Take a moment to check out this video, to see Christ Consciousness in action.
Notice these guys and their sense of humor regarding all the useless trends out there. AND then notice the authentic looks of surprise and humility of the participants in Making Homeless People Smile, WORLDWIDE.
This video makes me cry every time, because it is genuine. And it mentally takes me back to a time in my life when I was 19.
Now I only attended MCC for a semester. I left with a 0.0 GPA, because I stopped going to classes in order to fulfill what I felt to be actual work from the level of Christ Consciousness.
It started out as a birthday trip to Kansas City, Missouri. I had a bunch of birthday money, and my new best friend, Natasha, in tow. We hoped to get into an 18 and over club. We hoped to push the boundary on this new level of perceived freedom, being away from home for the first time. Pushing boundaries.
I rented a hotel room, we called a cab… and we went into the city for fun.
The night never really panned out as we planned. Early into the evening we were kidnapped by our cab driver… who was from foreign country. And maybe things got a little weird because we were pretending to be something we weren’t… we were playing roles in this new city.
We never made it to a club. We did however walk around town on this Friday night… and I saw something I had never really seen before…lots and lots of homeless people, and lots and lots of young drunk student types. And in this situation of newness, I was witness to yet another thing I was not prepared to see. Those young drunk students, being incredibly mean, rude, disrespectful and inhumane to the homeless population.
I was shocked and disgusted. I had my own experiences with bullying, but this was like watching some sort of sick torture.
Students purposely spilling soda on sitting homeless beggars. One young (I hesitate to use the word man) maliciously kicked a homeless vet’s hat, which was sitting on the ground full of change. The snickering fools walking off as the Vet scrambled across the sidewalk to gather his lost money.
In that moment, some thing flickered inside of me, and in a warm rush it is as though I stepped aside in my own body, and the Spirit of something Bigger came into my heart. It was as though my consciousness had blacked out, and been replaced by the voice and Spirit of Christ.
First thing I knew was, these people need to eat. They need some food. I have money. There is a pizza shop. I can feed them.
So I walk up to a pizza shop window called By The Slice. The guy behind the window is named Jude. Hey Jude.
With confidence, I ask Jude for two large pizzas.
“We don’t sell whole pies here. We only sell by the slice.”
“Well, I am gonna need two whole pizzas.”
“It’s going to be pretty expensive.”
“I don’t really care, there are some homeless people out here that need to eat. I need two pizza’s and a large Mountain Dew.”
Jude smiles, while shaking his head. He tells me it will be a couple minutes before the next pie is out, and he proceeds to ring me up for $91.11. Damn most expensive pizza’s I have ever paid for. But whatever, it was birthday money… and what was I going to do? Probably buy an over priced t-shirt from Ambercrombie, just because it says “Wyoming” across the front? Yeah, probably. An Ambercrombie shirt is about as useful as planking.
While all this is happening, Natasha is in the run around of my journey while following what ever this Celestial Whim was.
I got the pizzas and walked back to the two Vet’s who had their change kicked around. I stood above them with the boxes of pizza.
“Would you like some pizza?” I ask. I am confronted with looks of horror and skepticism.
“Don’t tease us.” One responds.
“I am not teasing. Would you like some pizza?” I open the box and one of the men pulls a piece out, and hands it to the fellow next to him, and shuts the lid to the box.
“You can take more than that… you can take as much as you want.” I open the box again, and let them take out two pieces each.
The man who had not yet said anything now looks at me with tears in his eyes, and asks “Are you mad at me?”
And in this moment, I know he is not talking to ME, but to the Spirit within me in that moment. That warm Spirit which was taking over, while I stepped aside and outside above myself, watched and listened as the words “No, I am not mad at you…I love you.” pour from my lips. Something I, myself, would NOT have said. He begins to cry.
I connected with this man’s eyes. I saw his soul and he saw my sacred heart. I continued down the road, looking for the desolate hovering in corners. I shared what I have to give. Few people asked for money, which I did not give, because the goal was to make sure people were fed and monetary charity is not my style.
This all happened in September of 1999. I had only been at school a few weeks… but this trip changed my life, and it changed me. School to learn who Christ was, no longer seemed like the real way to experience what that love and compassion are. I felt stifled living in a bubble of people who tout a title called Christian… but would only actually do service in community a couple times of year. Helping people seemed like it should be a daily exercise in spiritual growth and development.
The college had some strict rules on leaving campus. So I lied, and told them I was signing out on the weekend to visit family. Really I was renting hotel rooms on credit, and using the money I made at the Christian radio station I worked at, to buy bread, peanut butter and jelly; bags of chips, juice boxes, cookies and packages of granola, plastic sammie bags, brown paper lunch sacks and napkins.
Then I would drive it all to Kansas City, and stay for the weekend walking around alone down town, looking for people to feed. I never felt like I was in any risk of danger, because I was certain whatever was working through me is INVINCIBLE! It was a huge practice in sacrifice and faith. It has been from that point on in life that I knew I was to live in Service to Humanity.
I probably took six trips to KC that semester. One of the excursions a young man, about my age was curious as to what I was doing and why. And it created the most beautiful dialog, because to him, it made sense. And in that moment of it making sense, he wanted to give everything he had in order to help.
“Should I give them my money?” He asked.
“I don’t give money. I will buy something for some one if they express need, however. I think that charity through money is like trying to build a garden without getting your hands dirty. It is easy to just give some one some money, and then they go off and buy beer or drugs… you just send them off on their way. But when you feed a person, or take them to buy something they need, then you are actually participating in service. You are sharing soul space.”
“Have you ever had anyone be mad at you for not giving them money?”
“Yes. And I don’t care. If they get mad they obviously didn’t want what I have to offer. I can’t offer everything to everybody, but I can share what I do have and try to share it wisely.”
“That makes a lot of sense.” And when he walked away, I felt certain his heart had been stirred.
Over the years my service has changed shape and form. But it is the lesson of Christ Consciousness and the Righteous power that we have through harnessing It, which can create a landslide of change in fairly short period of time.
If you believe you live a life of righteous service, and yet you have never felt the Infinite Power of True Selfless Love… you have been living in a delusion, and perhaps you should step outside of your comfort zone for a while. There is nothing wrong with Humility and there is nothing wrong with getting dirty every once in a while. Selfless service is rarely a neat and tidy procedure; but I guarantee that afterward you will feel lighter and with a new sense of strength and purpose.
It’s the day after my grandfathers memorial service. I had a dozen people at our house in order to commune and share food after the small family gathering and 21 gun salute at the cemetery.
A dozen or so people of blood relation, that I do not REALLY know.
And in a way, it kind of doesn’t matter, because when I look into their faces, I see my self. And I see my history. I see the individuation of myself spread out in a dozen different but similar faces. This seems good enough.
Perhaps if I had time with them each, one on one, I would be asking questions and probing for answers on our connections… but I do not have the time for that… and to some degree maybe it isn’t even that important these days.
I use to wonder more about my family, but they aren’t the type to share, “just any story.” They all have their favorites, their classics, their patchwork of the bigger picture. Though I find it interesting, it’s the missing pieces I find far more interesting. I guess that is when I really start to use my imagination.
The ceremony for my grandfather was short and sweet. Just like him. I think he approves.
Today is a new day, and there are new patterns to be laid. New ways we have to go into each moment… because now, for my grandmother, she doesn’t have him to look forward too, despite the depressive nature of sitting in a nursing home watching a person struggle with Dementia.
Today we can be thankful that even though her legs hurt, at least she can still move them; and even though she can’t see well, at least she can still see… and even though she can’t chew so well, she can still chew enough to eat. And we start to become thankful for what we DO have. And we appreciate what we have lost, but with new eyes.
Life is never going to be “normal.” It can only be a dance of balance. Today is a new day to test the potentials of perception of “normal” and move forward into our own definition.
Maybe it is your once a month date night with hubby or an afternoon matinee with the kids; maybe it is your child going to see the same movie over and over again… maybe you pay for Nexflix, Hulu, and Redbox in addition to regular DVD purchases.
Why do you continue to do this?
What about these stories and characters is so amazing and amusing that you set aside funds AND hours out of your day in order to somewhat sedate yourself for the time of consumption. In order to lose yourself in some one else’s fiction.
Sure, sure, sure… Entertainment makes us feel things, but so do drugs. So does internet access… it doesn’t mean it is making us more conscious or aware. It doesn’t mean we aren’t using it as a blinder to hide from ourselves and to really ignore the inspiration in the act of LIVING.
Are you REALLY LIVING when you sit there for hours on end, consuming the prefabricated dribble of those we view to be gods in their own right, by their individual re-creations of things past.
Not much is new in the entertainment/media industry. Every old classic is being reproduced… but funnier yet, all these old classics are built from archetypal stories attached to Astro-theology.
What is Astro-Theology? Well it is OUR story, in the stars, in the constellations. It is the basis for all Archetypal stories. From Osiris to Jesus all the way to the generic “Hero’s Journey,” which is the basis for much literature.
Tis’ true, there is nothing new under the sun.
Except for each and every one of YOU.
You are each the individuation of a greater creation… You are DNA; experience, nature, nurture, Consciousness, sub consciousness, ancestral influence, observation, interaction, perception, and influence.
All this potential struggle with road maps of discovery and potential conquer; and yet most choose to sell themselves short.
These days it is easy to sell out to self sedation through consumption of too much “entertainment.” And let me tell you, it isn’t just the media, entertaining all these folks.
In the mean time they are forsaking the gift they have been given to really identify themselves as a unique expression; while also accepting that they are very much the same in very generic ways, as is the rest of humanity.
Parents think it is funny when their kids emulate those “stars” they see on the big screen. They disregard the fact they are allowing their children to be manipulated and brain washed… and instead of encourage them to express their individuality, they find it funny and instead film it; adding to the idiocracy by posting those videos online.
I could be wrong, but I doubt it; when I say ” it’s gross your toddler looks like a prostitute and is dancing in such a way that seems disrespectful for an adult woman.” I mean it. And if you want to get upset about it, maybe you should look into the sexualization of children.
Watch this vid for a couple of minutes… think about this industry in which so much money goes to in order to sedate ourselves and live vicariously through stars…
It is an industry full of pain and mistreatment of people. Most people, myself included; wanted to be there at one point in time… I thought I could break it, and expose it from the inside out.
I didn’t even want fame… I would have been happy with a b-movie cult following… I just wanted an honest opportunity to express myself unencumbered. But, truly that is NOT what fame offers. Dues have to be paid to some degree… eventually if it is just money and fame you are looking for… you can get it. But it may not be honestly, and you may not love what you have become at the end of the day.
Hollywood is full of miserable people making a “living” off of faking it.
Movies do not teach people to be their own stars… No, no, no. In fact it is quite the opposite in these days of 15 minutes of fame, and going viral.
Mainstream media is asking you to sell out by tuning in and buying their shit.
You may have an image of yourself you THINK you are portraying, but at the end of the day, there is always an editor. You may not like what you seen in post production. You may be misrepresented. And if you thought living in a small town was bad, imagine all your flaws broadcast world wide.
The entertainment industry covers itself in the illusion that a person will be able to express themselves, truly as themselves… but actors are willing pawns… what is the desire of end result?
Movies and their repetitious actors cause people to want to emulate, and relate on personal levels with actors, who many times are seemingly unreachable.
What good is that?
I want REAL, REACHABLE PEOPLE!
I am a Real and Reachable Person. I choose to influence humanity by being myself.
I don’t want to read for your plays anymore, or audition for your movies… I do not want to speak in some one else’s voice.
I want to speak mine. My truth.
My Truth wants to see what you have to offer as a unique star in this Universe, acting in the greatest loosely scripted act in his/herstory.
US! OUR INFLUENCE unencumbered by inane programs…
Start actually LIVING like the Star, You Are… and neglect the bullshit of abuse which is the core of what you probably find most entertaining…
You ARE entertaining… Figure out how to honor that and Entertain Yourselves!
I want to say it has only been a recent thing… but if I did I would be lying. In fact, the only way I could justify it, MAYBE, is to blame in on the fact that people are basically bound to live longer, and so, what is 32 years? It’s recent enough, right? I mean in the BIGGER PICTURE. And geez, don’t get me started on potential past lives… so what is 32 years of certain denial.
Maybe you have seen the recent viral videos floating aboot, in regard to And perhaps the follow up cure “FaKing It”Sadly I am one of those women. I use to call it “The Melancholy Look’, but apparently was not so catchy in these days where things are far more generalized.
Let me tell you, I know this face. I have had this face since I was born. But, what those fake commercials are not telling you is that sometimes that look is, dare I say, warranted?
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I am “hating on you.” But… I may be silently dissecting your deciscions, words, and actions in a somewhat subconscious way… and quite frankly, most people don’t do it, like I would do it… sooooooooo.
There is a lot of room for interpretation and evaluation.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not obsessed with you. No, no, no. I am intrigued. I am absolutely astounded at how absolutely oblivious we both are toward one another, on a level which is quite extraordinary. Not because it is good, or bad…. but because, it MUST; at the end of the day, make us both think… I think.
And maybe that is my problem… I think too much.
But IS there SUCH a THING? No. I also know how to not think at all. I find that a healthy balance of both is nice.
This could also explain this face. When I look at you, like you might be empty confusion bubbling over like an unattended thought… er, pot. That perhaps I can no longer understand what it is you are talking about, because obviously the only thing you observe, is, my, lack, of…smile?
On the contrary! If any of you could step beyond my face and it’s unattended looks, you would find someone, who is really quite content with silence… but also fond of laughter. And perhaps those are my two extremes.
If we can not share in depth, than I will prefer to love you in silence. If that fails and all defaults to superficial emotional fluffing… I will resort to humor.
When my face looks highly critical and judgmental… it’s because SOMETIMES it IS.
I mean, come on, I am no stranger to conflict, weirdness, and my own emotional/hormonal swings. I assess everything from the stand point of a life guard, which by no coincidence was my first “real job.”
I am assessing the situation, to know how to react. And sometimes, my synapses get fried at the fact, I realize; I HAVE NO TRAINING IN THIS ARENA of the moment.
And it’s fine. I am adaptable… but adaptability doesn’t always come with a smile.
And MAYBE IT SHOULD… right? Good Service; Good Customer Service.
But, I am not your customer. And you are not mine.
We are just people, milling about a planet, trying to figure out “What the Fuck we are Doing Here.”
I refuse to take a pill called “FaKing It.”
I refuse to smile if it is not genuine. I am not here to appease anyone through my physical face and it’s potentially programmed reactions.
I am here because I am very much observing and participating in a process of human interaction which not only feels unfamiliar, but played out.
I won’t lie… sometimes I get VERY overwhelmed with anxiety and confusion. Just like so many other people, I am figuring out how to honor my own detachments and the path of others, in their journey to overcome their own obstacles.
It is hard not to be somewhat motherly, auntish, sisterly, daughterly; to some people… and so hard to display that for others.
I do not “love” soft. I love very, very “hard.”
My heart wants the best for ALL of YOU. Regardless of who you are. I want the best for your Highest and Best.
My face may hide the fact my heart aches, to share understanding with each and everyone of you… My face shows my distaste for fighting through the myriad of superficiality, wasting such precious energy on avoidance. When really; we want to dance in understanding.
My critical nature touches you. But do not be delusional in thinking I avoid such curtsies upon myself.
I want ALL of US to experience our best. I want ALL of US to walk in the understanding that our individual love can emanate far beyond the look on our face… because sometimes love isn’t sweet or charming. Sometimes love and adoration have to sit in the observation of the whole situation… and picking through the pieces is like concentrating on a puzzle.
We smile when we find the next piece. We smile when we finish and see the bigger picture… but the parts in the middle call to closer examination, and plateaus of frustration. These are valid as well.
I look forward to the natural exhilaration of finding the next piece; and in finishing the next puzzle… I look forward to the one after, I enjoy moments in between… I will think as I stand above it… I will think as I pull pieces and try them… I will continue to think when I am away… but I will smile when the small distractions show me; though I am away, which piece comes next, and how we both fit into the picture.
Madge Midgely 