Sometime in the Spring of 2006, I sat on some sea side cliff outside Mendocino, California and I had a truly transcendental DMT experience.

I had imbibed the charismatic chemical maybe twice before- but in a moderate amount that didn’t catapult me from my body- rather showed me the interconnected threads.

Rewind to the first time.

Eugene, Oregon- the house of a bear whose color was blue

He saw threads all the time- and when he saw me- he gave the invite

The first time I did DMT- I was slight- my sight became loose- and in between the focus of his room I saw his connections to everything coming out from him in blue and red threads-

The things he loved were connected in red

His ambivalence existed in blue

I was truly in the Matrix

His cocoon wrapped around me with both colors

I could see he loved me with all of his heart in this moment- but he wasn’t invested in me beyond what was at hand

Can you imagine it? To meet someone new with no future expectation- to just fully embrace them in the time that you have- and then send them on their way?

Nothing near sexual happened, but it was deeply intimate.

In this beginning of seeing the connection of things in a very visual and tangible way- I didn’t see my own threads. I just saw the construct of my host.

People came and went- One stayed for hours. Raven sat with me and we created art into the early morning hours.

Flashforward – I’m on this cliffside- the sun is in a vibrant set of mind. I am sitting with a frenamy- a sister- a questionable source.

I am along for the ride because of curiosity and responsibility to accompany purpose- though I am not sure what that is yet.

I take in three, strong, long hits as the sun sinks into the horizon.

I am transported beyond space and time into a place which is every color and every feeling to have ever exist in a tiny box of emotional explosion.

My physical body looses control and I am laughing and crying and gasping for air- but I only see colors until I am safely returned to my body with a singular thought;

“It’s all a joke. One beautiful and sick joke.”

For a moment I feel reconciliation.