Category Archives: life

Here Are My Albums

Ale and I have been continuing to pass each other soundbites through the ether in hopes of finally healing some dark human wound that we all possess and would like to ascend from, so you can imagine that sometimes things get weird.

These albums are no exception.  They are audio journies in long-form. They have the power to take you where you need to go- if you have the patience to listen and relax into it.

These compositions have been a pleasure to make and they really force me to be present with all synapses firing.  I am not in a preconceived attempt- I simply do what I feel like doing in a moment; that may be a vocal reading, collecting sounds or beating the shit out of an instrument in a way it was not designed to be used.

This process has developed into quite a conduit of expression and creativity that keeps me on my toes when it comes to imagination.  This is what I want to share with you.

I want you to take the grit with the beauty and awkward and the graceful interlude.   To feel all of it for yourself with no preconceived notion of where it will lead you.  All I ask is that you invite your imagination for the journey.  And thank Alessandro Muresu for any grace that comes from these compositions- he has the gentle touch that balances everything you hear within these gifts.

All of his contact info is in the video description. Subscribe to his channel, he makes new music EVERY DAY!

Let me know how it plays out for you in the end!

 

What is going on?

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill
Of hope for a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood
Of man for whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar

And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
“What’s going on?!”

Lyrics “What’s Up” 4 Non Blondes

 

I’ve been off of Facebook now, for some months.

It was my source of local relation and information about the microcosm I live within.

It was my way to know about social happenings and city evolutions.

It was the place of the updates about my up and coming 20th high school reunion.

I wonder if I threw away a useful network.

Now it’s just me and the people who are in direct contact with my daily life with no pretense.

Now it is me and animals and vegetation and Gma.

These recent days have been full of insight that comes in sparingly in regard to outside parties, however, it hasn’t stopped the insights I have been pulling in and building since before the FB exodus.

What the hell is happening in my town?

Oh, just The Story of Old in a  New Digital Era.

I am on twitter @MadgeMidgely– my local newspaper The Wyoming Tribue Eagle posts on twitter.  Almost every published article is behind a paywall.  Why then use Twitter?  I don’t think more than a handful of people follow them.    Many of these published pieces are basic AP Wire reporting from other places across the map- yet, still behind a paywall.

The most worthwhile reporting in the aforementioned periodical are obits and police blotters.  It is generic and lacks substance when it comes to the content of local reporting.

A few of the things I want to know, as of recently-is in regard to the magnanimous money drops made in our downtown area.  I want to know what the hell is happening under our noses through developing backdoor deals.   I want to know how the “Good Ole Boys” club is adapting to the digital age by funding the progeny lines of wealth, and what it means to the regular Cheyenne resident in the long run.

I don’t want to pay $14.00 for a cocktail downtown to impress anyone.  Look into the scam of alcohol pricing.

I like to go to my favorite hole in the wall pub when I get the chance and have a reasonably priced adult beverage while having a conversation with old-timer locals who work hard for people who have the money and tend to abuse their help.   Sounds like a good time, right?

My attention toward them is like a rainbow during a storm,  and each time I see these people, these residents of the city I live in, I see how time and lack of appreciation are taking its toll.   If anyone shows up to a memorial for them, it will be because of the potential for free drinks, or to brag about what a good job they did for business… That will be the end of it, until some night down the line, a patron gets drunk and sentimental, and maybe says something out of line or provocative.

These are the type of people who live downtown, but will never be able to enjoy what it has to offer as the money dumps and changes proceed without consideration to the local community.

It kind of sounds like gentrification.

Those with money are not asking what Cheyenne NEEDS as a city with a variable in demographics, however, they are putting their money where their desires are, and these aren’t “passion projects”- these are investments.

Of course, a person can invest in their own passion project, but this usually comes later once an entrepreneur type is more established.

Investments require only a passion to make large amounts of residual income.  Something that pays for itself over and over again- something the investor finds useful to their own vision and benefit.

Why does it feel like my city has no planning?

Because it doesn’t it seem to with any legitimacy.  This is a town that once was segregated by the direction of the roads- where “colored people” couldn’t purchase property in the Avenues.

It mostly appears to be a hustle and shuffle behind closed doors between people with money and vision over drinks outside of government regulation.  The government is complacent in just trying to find streams of income without actually planning the city based on its needs and developing a unique personality. Oh and some of these money streams hold government positions.

I live in a town of nepotism.

We are like the old western town fronts that were just pieces of boards propped up and painted in some sort of nostalgia that wants to shift on a dime and become “hip”- but it has no foundation for such a broad jump.   Just because it “wants to be” something, doesn’t mean that it is, or is ready for what it means for a dramatic personality shift in a drastic and different direction.

I want to think that the younger entrepreneurs in my city mean the best, and are using their wealth in that direction- but I sense they are connected to the streams of wealth that are unrealizable for the average joe, and that connection alone is going put them in places of authority that they may or may not actually deserve.

Politics is interesting as it is one of the few ways a supported individual can make insane strides by blowing hot air up innocent asses just by spouting a vision that most likely will never come to fruition in the way the average person expects-  it sets people up to become accustomed to that kind of  lose delegation through promises with little argument.

It’s time we look beyond the excitement that appears with the hope of the “next new exciting thing” and to start building something that has longevity and value to the people who call this place “home.”

We need to ask ourselves as a community, “what do we actually need, and what do we actually want?”   And that is what we need to petition for and realize- even if it means finding ways around the common construct that we take for granted to provide us infrastructure.

If those who are in tight with the acquisition of property and moving large dollar sums really want to “help” their community, they will ask those questions and listen very carefully to answers of the people.

It is fine if Cheyenne decides to be a modest but interesting destination.

We don’t need to compete if we find our own voice and integrity.  Sadly it is becoming evident that we will not be able to rely on our governing parties and their networks to ring lead that kind of mission when they have the best and easiest connections to resources.

It is going to have to be a community of people who demand transparency and who are willing to call out corruption and malfeasance, then disseminate that information to the residence to decide for themselves about.   That in and of itself is a battle of interest vs. disinterest.

Life can be hard enough without investing in politics.  Most people want to live and let live and hope they have enough to fund their life with a little leftover, or for that unexpected expense.  These won’t be the people in the $425,000 condo’s that are the gateway to the “up and coming” art district for interest.

No, the people who would actually do best in an art district, are not the seeds the city wants to be planted in that area, and they couldn’t afford it anyway.   Those people would flip the investment on its head with new ideas that don’t necessarily pop dollar signs in the eyes of investors- those ideas could be the rejuvenation this small city needs.

Now is the time to make it known that we want certain things to happen unless we settle and let go of the reigns, just to see how it unfolds as we continue to complain about the outcomes.

Your move citizens of Cheyenne, your move.

 

Follow The Money

Do you ever look at a building with crazy architecture and wonder,

“Who the hell had the money and idea to build that, and where did THEY get the money to do it?”

Buildings certainly are not getting cheaper, and restorations can easily go into the millions.  Who is paying for all of it and why is it looking more generic all the time?

We need to refamiliarize ourselves with the creation of the Federal Reserve, which is neither Federal- nor technically any sort of reserve.

It is simply our central banking system that makes printed money paper out of thin air, backed by nothing but the hard day’s work of the normal people who keep the system rolling and the drops in a bucket that the money launderers pay when they are forced.

I don’t want socialism, but what we have isn’t much better.

People want transparency- and the lack of it in our system will be the biggest downfall.  The corrupt dealings behind the scenes are coming to light on the mainstage and if you find that shocking, wait until the local expose’ relevant your area comes to your eyes.

Every city was built up the same way to a certain degree, starting on the supposed level playing field of Right vs. Left.

A battle back and forth played with money and acquisition along with the influence of religion, which the government covertly hid behind “separation of Church and State.”

The same people giving big to the churches were the same people holding up righteous illusion in public forum while playing dirty deeds in the back chambers.  Every single city was built on some sort of corruption and program facilitated by religion and the govern tied to wealthy individuals with secret purpose in collusion.

One cannot be a “normal person” and think about this for too long because it seems unbelievable, and shit, there are bills to pay and mouths to feed, and there is no extra time for an existential breakdown due to too much truth.

I don’t care where you live- what are the common last names?  What do they do and what do they own? What church is their family known to attend?  How many of them have held public office or have networks with people of a similar ilk?

If your family has been in the same place for a long time- have you worked for these people?  Went to school with the children and grandchildren- did you see evidence of entitlement from them when you were growing up?  Did they seem emotionally disturbed under a false illusion of superiority?  Did you find out later that their families were just a show on the outside- and they had back door dealings of their own?

Yeah- these are the families that sustain our city infrastructure, politics, religious and educational institutions that employ everyday people working hard to make a living.  These are the families that make and break/brake legislation in our government for reasons we have yet to realize.

It’s sad but true that these innocuous everyday places have been a breeding ground for people who really don’t always have the communities best interest at heart, despite having elected civilians in public offices who supposedly speak for the people at large.

Most of those civilian elected positions are filled by people in alignment with other agendas and serve as a buffer zone between the community at large and the actual governing bodies that delegate the consumption of funds from whatever coffer they hold trust in.  They are the “pillars of the community”. They serve to hold the roof over the foundation- whatever that may mean.

So what kind of place would you actually like to live in- if you had authority and infinite resources? 

Would you want a cluster of people and a large booming place, or say a nice quiet country town. maybe something in the middle?

It’s easier to live in a bustling city to some degree than it is to move unknowingly to a small place.  In the small place, the politics are more blatant and they recognize a newcomer right away- in a city, you can blend in or stick out- it’s up to you and the political agenda of things may be more hidden as there are other things that one can find interesting or entertaining.

In both situations, if one neglects to build a rapport with the location and the people, one will find oneself somewhere else once effort and frustration set in. Eventually, it seems reasonable that it would just be better to start over somewhere else.  That is the thing about people- nothing ever seems good enough- the grass is always greener somewhere else. No one wants to tend their own garden without payout in some regard, whether the payout is sustenance, beauty or comfort in the activity.

A person can build their own little heaven anywhere- but it isn’t easy, and one can’t define their personal heaven by any other blueprint or prefabricated overlay.  The tenacity it takes to energetically build a space for oneself can be daunting.

We want to find ourselves in places that we truly love on many levels; the people, the location, the scenery and the ability to actively engage or not. 

Much of this draw on a large scale is dictated by politics, religion and the purposeful circulation of large amounts of money.

However, individuals tend to stay in a location when they build a community or get absorbed into one adding a sense of security and support.  Community makes life worth living.

A lack of participation in politics is a byproduct of the fact it takes time and money to be involved- and when you don’t have either of those things, basic priorities come first, almost to the point that one is basically forced to step out of paying attention to it altogether.  It’s a stress that can be managed by ignoring and silently rolling with the punches.

Those are the same people who need a voice in representation- they can tell you how hard it can be, they might even have some really innovative solutions- but they can’t find a baby sitter for three hours in the evening after having the babysitter there all day, in order to attend a city council meeting where they may or may not have the opportunity to speak.

Money Speaks.

I grew up in a town that didn’t seem to have much to offer when I was growing up in the ways of city type entertainment- I also didn’t have a strong personal community of friends who planned on staying in town after graduation. We had dreams of leaving this podunk town and finding a home as far away as we could find comfort with.  There was no reason for me to stay when I finished school- and like many creative kids, I had my eyes set on NYC and school for performing arts.

My “dreams” didn’t happen for lack of pursuit or ability-  my “dreams” didn’t happen because I was able to see snippets of a dark underbelly and I made a conscious choice to change my own mind about following a popular pursuit filled with popular but sick people.  I left a popular program. 

I don’t want to be entangled with people who live off of a corrupt illusion- I don’t want to be handled.  I’d prefer to think for myself.

I’ve seen how people in authority with money and power take advantage of ignorant dreamers working to make something true and genuine.  All the while the dreamer was merely an investment in some other agenda they never received a memo about.

The money is fake, the entertainment is fake, the politicians are fake, the religion keeps the division. Depriving the individual spirit; providing only backtalk that spouts lack worth in the unique spirit that is the unique you.  We have continued to feed the facade.  Running off to those supposed greener pastures when home and the ability to be good enough was inside of you the whole time, YOU just never thought a whole city could operate on that level and settled for the closest approximation.

How many people want to go home, but feel like they can’t because they have nothing to show after pursuing a hopeless dream?

They were profound in youth and everyone “knew they would be someone someday”.  They did anything they could while they were away chasing some big dream, probably even some things they would rather not admit which led to being smacked in the face with how  we are programmed to think we can do anything we set our mind to- only to find out the next gateway exists to those who are willing to sell themselves out to the people with the bankrolls that invest in individuals with dreams that will assist in selling a large and selfish agenda.

Enough is truly enough. We will no longer settle for being treated/ bought and sold like livestock to populate your weird human ranches.

 

 

Unconventional: Rise Above to Reform

Have you ever been at a point, where it all seems so obvious and you can’t believe people are still arguing over what is blatant?

That is me, here, now in this cybersphere.  I thought that by leaving FB I would find respite- but one doesn’t simply go cold turkey with social media- they migrate and adapt.

For me, this was moving over to Twitter, where the conversation completely changed and I felt like I jumped into the deep end of the lake.

On FB, I had over 500 friends and over a 100 followers… I know, I know; nothing to brag about, but it equaled engagement.

On Twitter, I have roughly 90-96 followers and I am pretty sure at least a dozen of them are surveillance.  When one of the surveillance accounts realizes I am useless- they move on.  That’s cool- what ev’s.

That doesn’t stop the weirdness on my end though- Nope.  I am still at the mercy of algorithms when I go check my feed.

My motto:  “I’ll follow back until your posts get whack.”

Why?   I am not your judge- I am not your jury.  If you start posting stuff that makes me want to act in a negative or violent way- I will simply remove you the way I would a thorn or a splinter.

I will pay attention to the wound, give it care with things that will remove the intrusion.

This doesn’t mean I am running away or avoiding things- it means I am doing what I can to control my internal environment which will ultimately impact my external environment.  I could let my wound fester, or I could care for it and bring it back to optimum function.

90% of what I see posted online, makes me want to kick someone in the shins- why?  Probably because when we hurt we try and hurt others and the things I see posted bring me more than a modicum of pain.

If leaving FB taught me anything, it’s that I am sick of making myself responsible for the pain of others, or assuming that I was the source of pain, to begin with, because that is how hard we can be on ourselves.  We will assume so hard that a post is about us, that it will tear us up inside and then overflow into the life we live that isn’t attached at all to a SIMPLE FUCKING POST!

It’s crazy- but it’s real and normal for day to day life.   How many people are lugging around their own unspoken guilt and ruining the lives of others because a post was worded in a way that makes an individual have to face their own conscience?

I had to leave because I was on the brink of kicking shins because of the fakeness of all of it.  I wanted to kick shins because it would really hurt, in real time- but it isn’t fatal, but it is brutal.

I sit here at times just hoping for a real and raw conversation about how fucked up we are individually and in groups- not because I want to further twist a wound but because I can’t wait to find people who are finally mature enough to address the issue while also avoiding kicking shins.

I’ve found people would rather kick shins until they are bruised or deal with broken toes that have to heal from all the kicking.

I want a conversation or ten to be good enough.  Most people would rather mince words, or not talk at all, because they know their words will hurt as bad as a bruised shin.

When I say “I can’t do this anymore.”  It is because I truly can not do it anymore. I am smart enough to know that there are others in the world who don’t want to operate on the program we have been fed- and those are my loves of forever.  They are the ones who keep coming back, again and again, so that none of us are left alone in the struggle.

Those of us aware of the struggle, say “NO MORE!”   We are done.

 

 

What do you know you know that you remember?

Microcosm-  Inception- You

While in the womb, you just grew and developed and thought whatever thoughts developing souls think cushioned in a vitreous bubble

Listening to the voices outside of yourself as you are jumbled and tumbled around by your incubator, the love of your creator holds you still and yet, not

You didn’t consciously think “I should grow an arm right now”, while your mother craved pickles and puked at the smell of salmon, or laughed at a joke she once told, and then forgot and told again

She didn’t think about her loss or change of appetite as anything other than a sort of synthesis where you were able to show your first impressions of the world, which were merely reflections of the last one you left

Connected yet disconnected by a few stops from your last departure

As a Mother, she, just kind of dealing with it.  And hoped for the best.  “I don’t care what it is- as long as it is healthy!  Ten fingers!  Ten toes.”

She didn’t sit to manifest you, but rather said, “So it is, I guess this will do.”

The Mother Knows, that these impressions can last longer than a lifetime and the purging of herself in the openness of newness is proof.  Suddenly a new entity, little-me arrives!

To some, on a sunny day and to others a rainy night.

In each of us, there is the reflection of the Mother, for we could not exist without her.

But in each Mother, there is a reflection of eternity, and she graciously imparts that upon us without request.  It is a shock for all parties, and a strange blessing without a manual.

The impression is beyond permanent, it is in the genetics and all of the beautiful unfoldings that appear to be effortless

 

 

 

 

Saying Goodbye to Facebook!

As I say goodbye to one platform, I open myself up for new explorations. Tonight I recorded a bit of a rundown toward my reason to deactivate my account and put the focus on other places.   Join me on this audio journey- and do whatever you want when it comes to your own social media- but if your intuition says “let’s get out of here.” GO, and post haste.

Have you shut it off yet?  Do you want to?  Let me know about it.  I will read what you post and, if you want to interview about it- I am more than happy to hear about your experience.   I look at it as walking out of the most unintentionally dysfunctional polyamourous relationship, I never meant to get into.

Sit back relax, and let me tell you about Saying Goodbye to Facebook.

My Best Friend: What a Difference Four Months Makes

The weather is warming up- and the yard is calling!

Journey Oroborus Wonderdawg has now been in my care for four months, and she is even more amazing every day!

I was reading a post I made last November- about all the dogless moments that were hitting me hard, and it’s crazy to think that so much has happened since the end of last August- but really it is only notable in my little sphere.   It probably isn’t profound to anyone else.

I guess to explain a little bit- it is the insights that have befallen me through my sadness and “rebirth” through Journey.   Journey truly represents a change inside of myself that is hard to articulate- it wasn’t something missing- it was something that had yet to be awakened but was there all along.  Like epigenetics and cultivation, I just needed the right circumstances to enliven something dormant.

I have become more patient, more understanding- attributes I wanted to strengthen but had a hard time controlling and would guilt myself to extremes in regard to; suddenly became effortless as the synthesis of past experience unfolded into a new awakening.

Claddagh and Journey have given me a  calmative understanding and awareness.  I am conscious of all the ways I was wrong to Claddagh- and I refuse to repeat the pattern with Journey.  Journey knows the spirit of Claddagh, they are married within me, and through that devotion our relationship shifts in dimensions.  I become a better soul than I was before, and I can feel and see that happening.

It may sound strange- but I really don’t “miss” Claddagh.  I continue to experience her every day through Journey because their personalities are so interconnected, there is no room for feeling loss.   They are in no way replicas of one another, but they are very much “the same” and the comfort that comes from that is profound in my opinion.

I can compare it to having a few close friends in a place and then moving away and finding new friends who have certain quirks and traits that very akin to friends from the other place.  Personality types are drawn to each other and it is a way that we find our “tribes.”

These days, my tribe is mainly my little fur family along with my Uncle and Gma.  Every day the humans in my tribe get to see the value and vastness of animal personality and the way it adapts with us.  When I am in the yard, and my animals follow me around, I feel like Snow White or something similar.  They come when I call, they sing with me, they see me digging in the dirt and they want to help.  If that isn’t Spiritual, or Magic- then I don’t know what is.

One of the most profound things to settle down in me through all this transition is facing one simple and “gross” thing-  We have to deal with our shit.  Not just personally, we have to deal with the shit of others- and the question is, how do we do that?  No one wants to deal with shit, but it is a part of life, and if for some reason you don’t have to deal with shit on some level, there is a big problem because it is essential to eliminate waste.  If we neglect that fact, things can get extra rancid.

I am cleaning up shit, every. Single. Day.  More than once a day, for someone other than myself.  And for a while, it would trigger a wave of deep anger and resentment.

“Why me?  Why do I have to do this? I already have to clean up for myself.”

Well- I chose this path.  Sometimes we choose paths because they appear to have the least resistance, but as we wander that path we realize it may reach a sort of “dead end” which really just means that we have to clear some things out of the way in order to proceed.   You have to do the work, or wander around looking for another path… either way it is work and resource.

Journey came to me damaged, which means I need to use all of my knowledge and resources to assist in her healing.  By doing so, I am reminded of my own depth of knowledge and it becomes easier to enact that knowing through action because I am driven to assist those who have a hard time assisting themselves- so brilliantly and obvious is this reflection of purpose in co-existence.

How blessed am I?  Infinitely so in my humble opinion.  A certain sense of joy is becoming alive inside of me that I haven’t felt in what seems like a millennium.