Dry July-Day 9~BandAid

Time to get real, and raw about something shameful.

I can’t remember the last time I have had sober intercourse.

Yep.  I am pretty sure the few times I have had “the sex” in the last decade, 97% of the time alcohol was involved.  Now it sounds gross to think about it or to say it out loud.

Listen, I am NOT talking, sloppy drunk.  No.  I am just saying, I hadn’t not been drinking before intimacy.

What does that say about me? I suppose in my twenties, it was cool to have an air of independence and mystery; to brush off the idea of serious relationships.  So, my relationships would be intense for a minute and then just dissipate because one of us would get “too serious” or too disinterested.  And, dudes would come and go, but I still had my bottle of Jameson, or some snobby beer to keep me company as I entertained myself.

It’s true, alcohol really does lower ones inhibitions; but it probably also lowers ones standards.

I am not sure how much of that sex I would have had, had I not been drinking.  My reserve to say ‘no’ would probably be a lot stronger, and in certain situations my insecurities would have been amplified (lending to my already existent frigidity), and in some cases, I probably would have better used my observational skills to know when someone is just saying sweet somethings, in order to get laid.

I’ve been a fool.

Admittedly I have followed in programming like many young women; buying into the belief that women exist for the enjoyment and pleasure of men and acting as such an object. All the time, pretending I had some magical power.  All the while secretly hoping on some wild Hollywood romantic notion, that one worthy man would fall madly in love with me, and that I would feel that way in equal reciprocity… Happily Ever After Style, Traveling the World, and Eating Delicious Food~~~HA!!!

See? How foolish!

Well, I think I had plenty of men fall for me, despite taking them through some psycho/spiritual wringer of litmus tests, all because trust seems to take time in most cases; and even when that trust is obviously established it becomes evident it is still not enough for me (for some reason.)

Is there a Sober Sapiophile Social Club?

Really, intelligence is the biggest turn on.  I am starting to wonder what it’s like to be turned on by a person without the influence of alcohol?

One of the first places the brain shuts down when drinking is the Frontal Lobe, which is in charge of judgement, behavior and emotion.  ” Alcohol may affect emotions, leading to crying, fighting, or a desire to be close to another person.” 

Holy crap, right?  This is the exact part of the brain that would help anyone find a good partner!

So all in all, nothing really lost, and everything gained.  I find the research interesting, and it’s fun treating ones self as a science experiment to a certain degree.  I mean, I have control over my purposeful experiments, and I appreciate that in others.  Ultimately it is about self awareness, and figuring out the lies we have told ourselves forever.  Still, it’s just one day at a time of facing my own truth, and that which I have been purposely avoiding for so long.  The journey is certainly a weird one.

If you appreciate this post, give  a like, share it with your friends, and leave a comment below!

Follow my Dry July series at the links below!

Dry July

Dry July- Day 2- Eleven Facts

Dry July-Day Three- Epigenetics and Sleep

Dry July- Day Four- Independence Day

Dry July- Day Five~ Waiting

Dry July-Day 6~ Real Hydration

Dry July- Day 7~ One Week Summary

Dry July-Day Eight~ Truth or Fiction

 

 

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