I grew up as your pretty average white female, slightly outside the western edge of Middle America.
I was pretty average in almost every imaginable average way. Average body. Average face. Middle Working class family. Access to average experiences.
Despite it, I don’t think I’ve ever had the average mindset or heart; but I don’t know that there is any real earthly way to gauge that.
I grew up being fed the Average American Diet along side the Average American Dream while pummeling through, what at the time was a Slightly better than Average American Education.
I occasionally indulged in the romanticizing of “The Average American Girl, who somehow, potentially breaks free; becoming: Extraordinary.”
I thought that because I perceived myself to think differently from others, that I had some inherent magical potential to be something “more than….”, perhaps even historic.
The only thing that wasn’t average about my life, was my influential life mile markers were all out of place with the supposed script.
So far as I know, shit was fine and on track, until my mom died; even at the tender age of four, I knew that whatever this experience is, is bigger than me, and therefore, I suppose that is just where I find the great story relative to my present existence.
Some may refer to this as a sort of cognitive dissonance, right? A detachment from reality. In MY reality, however; it can’t totally be cognitive dissonance if I am aware that most things in this reality lack cohesion and full explanation. I see a purposeful confusion, though I know not the purpose of the confusion.
The only thing I can even imagine it comes back to is sincere connection vs. illusion. I can connect very distant dots because I see the greater connection in all things, the only requirement is that I remove my ego from it, in order to see it with further clarity. The only thing getting in the way is my own perception of how “I think thinks should be.” The minute my “I” or ego gets in the way, the bigger picture loses focus and the chaotic confusion returns.
The fact is, we all are assigned the same script, and all of us are required to play all the roles, and the script isn’t in the same order for all the players. It’s actually part of the inherent perfect chaos of the script that each player has to figure out their assigned role every step of the way. And a character may play more than one role at once at any given moment with out knowing what that role represents in the greater play.
Everyone gets to be the villain and the hero while fulfilling all the mundane background parts… and we assume there is only ONE villain and ONE hero and a million bit players; it’s hard to imagine a world FULL of villains and hero’s coexisting together in individual bodies. Changing hats and costumes at every turn, with every interaction.
We’ve been fed a lie that life is suppose to take a certain track, that if we follow one script in order, to a T that we will find some sort of redemption and peace; when honestly we don’t all come into the play in the same way, under the same circumstances. We learn as we go along.
If you are like me, and many others who at times, beat themselves up for being “off track” with expectations from life that are yet unfulfilled, find peace in this; Life may seem linear, but it isn’t. It isn’t a race, and it isn’t a contest. Each man in his life WILL play many parts. There are no minor characters. You are always where you should be; the willingness to learn, retain and apply, are solely up to you.