Sensitivity , chemically has always effected me somewhat synapticaly

The good and the bad of it all, Experienced by personal biology and chemistry

Western pharmacology never settled me-right

A disdain for Advil, a wary feeling toward Tylenol, even vitamins occasionally rearrange my insides

Supposed cures caught by slight of hand, only left to lend me nausea

“I just want to be healthy.”

I am uncertain of its attainability in a reality that poisons its own food, while simultaneously distracts the attack and avoidance of nutrionality

So I talk to spirits, and inhale smoke almost a joke of coping as somewhat, still socially acceptable, but a more reliable track record

And it goes in ebbs and flows, tried cessation of Nicotine by way of patch, trying to calm that itch

But the only benefit was crazy dreams as my body continued to scream for more Nicotine

“It’s the hand to mouth habit” as some science may explain it- so buy a box of fidgets

All the while when the craving begins, I know I am suppose to pick up a pen- a writing utensil that will last a thousand line of writing

Cheaper than a pack of 20 smokes rationed to 10 a day

And I delay, knowing that there will be a day I can no longer afford a pack either by price or circumstances- what do I do then?

I figure I always want one pack around if shit hits the fan and it is all going down to the count of oblivion

Yeah, I’ll want that whisky and that tobacco as the world goes up in smoke, knowing it’s a greater symbol of how I feel about myself

But I am trying to “work through it”

I’m trying to work on an old concept called confidence- because I’ve never truly worn that fabric and I would like to see how it fits

I’d like to put it to the test-

I’ve long dropped compliments and swept those out the door with silent contempt- and I only say this to be honest