Category Archives: Art

Why The “Lightworker” Movement And It’s Marketing Schemes Don’t Move Me.

Money.
Money only moves me through some sort of necessary need when required because of the greater whole which subscribes to such fiction.

Guess what? I wanted a nice bike… and some one ditched a sweet 1968 Schwinn 3 speed Breeze in my alleyway near my trash. All it needs are some new break cables and some break pads, a little polish on the chrome… and shit… it even has a basket. A bike in this condition though old and salvaged, could easily get about 300 bones. Not bad, for something I neither stole, liberated, or bought. I look the local lost and found everyday, just in case someone else stole it and ditched it. It’s been about three weeks and nothing. Quite frankly, I don’t feel terrible about it.

I’m not trying to get all “The Secret” on you… but I have wanted a bike like this for a long time… with out some psychotic wanting. There were no “dream boards” in this “Mandie-festation.”

The “Light working” community say all the “right” things… but, they have given up the dream that ANYTHING can happen… with out money.

What is innovation? A great idea manifest. People are innovating new technology all the time. Sometimes the prototype is made from this and that, and isn’t the highest in recent tech… but it still stands for innovation in evolution.

People who want things to happen, do not require money to make it happen, they just do what they have to do in order to manifest the vision. All things start as an idea, and that idea requires participation. Even big ideas, sometimes only have the participation of one person. That person will participate all their resources to make it real… but at the end of the day, if they are looking for mass production it is going to cost money.

It may help the world; but it will cost some and benefit others. In fact the benefit of it may even monetarily drain the same people it is “helping” while floating those who monetarily supported the project…(i.e. pharmaceuticals.)

Did money invent electricity? Did money design the first plane? Did money grow the trees that build the house you live in?

NOOOOO dude… people with good ideas created these things. And these ideas were gifted on them for free by experience and participation.

Money is fiction. Money is our sour middle man. Money pretends to offer luxury that is actually afforded ALL, because innovation is a spark of the mind and spirit, and the things we create come from what we know already exists. Money is the buffer that keeps us from believing we are worth more, or that we can attain the unimaginable.

Everything has a price tag. Our services, our goods, crafts, foods, and creations.

Gosh, it even costs money to do the most natural thing on Earth…procreate.

Nestle’ wants EVERYONE to pay for their water…

Nothing is “free.”

Except ideas and drive… and those aren’t necessarily free as your conscious must be working to attain them.

The “light workers” were not called here to jump into the system in hopes just their presence there, would change the game. The Light Workers were called to change the game and redefine the standard.

I am sorry to say that they have failed their task. They have jumped down the Orion hoop and sold out. In; Cause, Reaction, Solution… their solution was to join the ranks and pretend that what they have to offer is some how different whilst still selling themselves (out) the same way as everyone else. #buymebecauseIcan’tfigureoutmyownworth.

Money, is the blood on our hands.

Money is what has usurped the people who were called here to change the world; with the lie that money DOES MEAN SOMETHING. That we need to love it and use it because it is “energy.”

That’s like me doing all your work, and you getting all the benefit. “Here is a shilling for your time.”

“Oh,so your bucket full of shillings is worth more than me; though I work hard, and I am alive, a real person? And, since it is your business, and you hold the shillings, YOU are worth more than me? Are we all not priceless in the eyes of creation? Is this suppose to make sense?”

“Oh so I have to behave as a slave in order to have the opportunity to prove my worth?”

I don’t care if it is fiat currency or gold… it is useless. It does not show YOUR WORTH or the worth of anything which you may find “sacred.”

When you try and figure out, “what you are REALLY worth” and “what life/experience means to you”… money really doesn’t define worth or much meaning. In this day and age, it is a “means to an end.”

It is what we use when our innovation and passion have been sucked dry by the leeches who desire to usurp what we all strive for… free will and creativity.

It is the nasty hurdle which keeps tripping people up mentally, physically and spiritually. Every time you feel passionate or potential, this nasty voice comes in with a crippling excuse…

” I can’t do it because I don’t have the money” becomes the mantra of a victim.

Maybe it is knee replacement surgery, maybe it is the trip you want to take, maybe it is the speaker you want to hear…

Always leading back to the biggest and fictitious excuse known to man… Money.

People buy products which are crap because they are cheap.
People buy beliefs posted on mainstream because they are repetitious and funded by crooks who don’t give a fuck…
People buy the hype… because it is trendy, or new, or different.
People are so void of self confidence, they will buy damn near anything in hopes to fill some void.

But from my point of view it just makes those exact people seem cheap, repetitious, crooky and superficial. And in the end, down right, empty.

It seems like these people are trying to figure out their internal space by buying into the external and therefore selling themselves out. Much like a prostitute guised under the title “Good Marketeer.”

And I’m sorry, but that isn’t Spirit. That is Sales. That is the effect of a sell out based on the hurdles of illusion.

Maybe my bike in the alley means nothing to you. But this is just one story out of thousands I have which relate to desire, manifestation and the fact money is fiction.

Money didn’t make that bike. A designer, and potentially a team of people did. And money didn’t make it’s metal handle bars… they came from the earth and some one fabricated the mineral. Money doesn’t make things happen… WE DO. If resilient and driven… WE FIND A WAY, REGARDLESS!

Good ideas NEVER DIE! Sometimes they just take a loooooong time shifting hands because of suppression. Tesla for example. We know his innovation was stolen from him, and he died penniless and alone. Never able to get the credit or see the benefits of his creation. A person who was not looking for a get rich quick scheme, but a human looking to help humanity with free energy. A selfless act of genius. And because free energy doesn’t cost money, it’s only been in the last decade or so where the focus is back on Tesla himself, and what he had to offer.

If your innovation is good enough, people will want to jump on board, regardless of what you have to offer them… Capitalistic minded people will jump on board to eventually make money, because that is how our society is focused. This also is why people take internships. They are willing to work for the experience, lessons, and opportunity hoping to excel by being involved at a ground level and getting an “in”.

EVERYTHING is the same way.

When “Lightworkers” tell me that my problem is with money, and that is why I keep it from me… well I know better. I don’t want money. I want the change everyone else wants. The difference is I don’t think money will make it happen, and in fact it will actually create more hurdles and frustrations for those who are actually looking to make a change, with out worrying about the change they make.

How much longer are we going to allow the derelict others to usurp our innovations and cloak them under the need of fiction called “money”?

As long as people continue to justify and compromise their real purpose here on earth, and as long as they continue to sell out for far less than their actual worth.

The system you loathe continues it’s grip on you, because of the excuses you make for it. The justifications for the unjust things it does.

For me, it isn’t that I hate the system; rather I hate how we have been so lackadaisical in recognizing the only ones who can change it, is ourselves. From the inside out.

You have to be able to see the fiction for what it is, and no longer choose to support what is not real.

I am saddened by all the justifications and lack of action in changing it; basically because there are truly only three needs in humanity. The need for food, shelter and safety. Food is made from seeds, shelter is built from what grows, and safety is a state of mind which is a choice and upheld by community.

If these three simple things were met for all people, in all communities, they would inherently THRIVE! If you are not worried about paying bills and working 5 jobs to feed your family… you inherently have the time and energy to be more creative and involved in the actual activity of LIVING.

Funny thing too… in order to change it, we have to abandon what we have for something else… because obviously what we have is not working for everyone and is getting out of control.

Step back a moment and look at money… for REAL. Would life continue without it? Will trees still grow, water still flow? With out it, would we finally start to explore ourselves and what we have to offer?

Money keeps the stock market moving. Beyond that… it is a puppet, and the same master has his hands on you and the money.

Cut your strings. Think for yourself. Make the unimaginable happen by the amazing reserve of energy you have been given by the gift of life, provided by an abundant source which never runs dry. The only thing that keeps you from stepping into the unknown is fear. The only thing that makes you pad your bank account is fear… seriously, fear is no state of mind to teach your children… and fear is no mindset for making decisions.

Fear restricts potential and fogs the mind from seeing opportunity.

Let go of fear, and see what happens… because fear like money; is fiction.

Invisible Immaculant

If I can just sort of spiritually brag for a minute… my life has been filled with amazing, beautiful, poetic, and ironically humorous synchronistic guide posts.

Yours probably has been too, but maybe you have been too busy questioning the latest mind numbing activities to allow your brain to make those connections… I don’t know. I am not you.

I can only say that I have observed that effect on humanity, and it has kept a large portion of people in a saddened arrested development which really can be hard to reverse once it has reached it’s later stages.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I have noticed these things occur with frequency and consistency through out my life. I do not say this to seem better than anyone else, but rather to call the attention of those who may feel that is my “tone,” to hear me out and understand why you are so quick to cast judgment on me, if you are.

If you deny yourself the potential of this reality by making excuses for why you have not experienced it and why it can not exist, maybe you should look at that first.

The only thing which limits your potential is yourself, and by denying the potential existence of something beyond your scope, limits you directly from consciously and voluntarily participating in a process of self expansion from many levels.

You can take that in any form large or small, super size or miniscule, and realize this Truth by how hard it may cut you on the inside.

Now, noticed I said ” consciously and voluntarily participating” , there is a reason for this.

These guideposts, I have had in my life, have told me a few things.

They are doing the same for you, but maybe you are not paying attention and listening… they come in various forms.

Main themes for me are preparation for the emotional output of others whether positive or negative. This has led to my self preservation as well as knowing if I am on the “right” or “wrong” path.

People who constantly fall on hard times in their life often times are not seeing the signs given to them, in their own personal code. Things like blame; hate, fear, anger and excuses get in the way, of what otherwise could be a really rad physical experience.

Those roadblocks of emotion can bog us down, and with prolonged exposure they fog our vision toward all the things which are pointing us in our own personal golden direction.

I don’t want to give you some fluffy “BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME” bull shit. It isn’t like that… It is far more real and gritty… and let’s face it; pretty obvious if you give the idea any credit.

I figure, I like to know what’s going on, and I like to have info and facts… well why turn down an extra tool which pretty much makes life less stressful? And the only proof I need is in my own personal experience and the positive outcomes.

Let us also face the fact that potentials are endless… what if you married someone else, what if you dropped out of high school… what if you had that baby, what if?

I almost feel like self sedation is just a way of self prevention. It doesn’t seem to hurt the ability of a person, to exacerbate their already arrested developments.

I use to wonder about each untainted individuals “golden path”… the one they choose that is best of all the options, the path they were on before they end up here…the people they want to meet… how they want to influence the world… and then further down the plan they add the exclusions of a “choose your own adventure.” So a person can have their Spiritual Ideal, but there are a lot of paths and potentials in this world with some free will… so who will we actually choose to meet out of all those Souls we know? And is this why so many people feel separate from their “people,” or why so many feel incongruous from themselves as they have mindlessly milled about in a sedated state?

Where would my golden path have taken me… had things been slightly different? I don’t really care but for the sake of curiosity; and yet I feel so perfect in how it has all played out thus far. I have seen purpose in all of it, and the connections for me are undeniable.

I wrote this story, no doubt. I know all the lines like the back of my hand… and when I see things in my reality, or I hear things in my heart and mind I go with it… and it has not failed.

I am not wealthy in money because I choose not to be… but I never starve, I always have shelter, and IT IS NOT A STRUGGLE to acquire those simple things honestly!

It’s divine like Mary Poppins, when the winds change, it shows me where to go.

And I am not ashamed of how I live my life, because people trust me with the care of their most precious earthly things…animals, children, homes, gardens… and since I have few precious earthly things, I can fully love and give to that which is entrusted with me… and no one has had a large complaint yet.

I am missed when I leave, and life changes for everyone with new light in their eyes, knowing now new things.

I value life and personality. I enjoy silence and laughter in equal part. When I am alone, I am very happy and very content… because I feel you all so strongly, that at times it is overwhelming.

It may always seem I am writing about me… to me… but mostly, it is for you. It is the words you have not yet found and put together like the puzzle pieces of experience which is the blessed benefit of living. It may be the context which makes you stumble at the ability to comprehensively explain your own similar circumstance.

I can’t write a book because the story is not finished yet… and this is why we have the Akashic Record and it’s keepers.

I can’t perform a symphony alone. And luckily I don’t have to… It’s like we have all had the sheet music and we have been performing alone at home mostly. A few practices here and there… to get accustomed to our parts… But now it is feeling like opening night… and everything is aligned in the most brilliant way.

We have been practicing a piece of music which has never been performed publicly before to the scale in which it is about to be performed.

It is curtain call.

Endless potential

I want you for a moment, to sit with me.

And find a silence.

And within that silence, I want you to completely forget yourself.

Like a blank slate, or a clean sheet of paper.  Flawless potential.

Let your prejudices subside into a void.  Allow your worries to dissipate like sunlight melting fog.  See this blank slate as an amazing freedom.

No past issues or circumstances weighing upon you.  No worries, or injuries to attend to.  No burdens or questions clogging your mind.  No assumptions to the preconceptions of others.  Nothing, just clean, clear, potential.

Sit with this feeling, just imagine what that would feel like.

Perhaps you have a hard time imagining…

If so, grab a sheet of paper.  Just stare at it.  Ask yourself, “if I was a clean sheet of paper, what would I be doing right now?   I would have no arms or hands, so I can not write on myself to make a list.   I have no legs to get up and go somewhere else, like the printer tray.”

“I am only subject to a draft, perhaps blowing me off the table… or a human using me for something.  Hmmm…how nice it must be to be a blank sheet of paper, just sitting there.  No one expects anything of it.  It has no job to do, until it is needed… Wow, a blank sheet of paper, has a pretty chill existence.”

Sit with that.  Imagine, just laying there all bright and clean, and chill… no worries.

Okay, great, that is a place you should become familiar with.  You may even find a little grin on your face, imagining the lackadaisical life of a piece of paper.

I mean not all paper has the same ends… right… like maybe you are a blank sheet of tissue paper… the kind that fills a gift.  A package that brings a smile or a surprise.  This is a great ends for a piece of paper  and the person it serves… but alas, it still ends up in the trash.

You could imagine you are a piece of toilet paper… it also fills a package, but comes in very handy for several other uses, not all of which are very glamorous but are useful nonetheless.  Still it ends up down a drain or in a waste basket.

You can imagine you are piece of drawing paper, that meets a hand that lays upon it beautiful sketches… or maybe less than refined strokes… and maybe that paper will sit on a fridge somewhere, or travel the world… or maybe it will end up in a closet, lost… or perhaps it will get burned or thrown away…

We are but pieces of paper, filling ourselves up to the very edges of the page.  Ignoring that we are stuck inside an unfinished notebook.  And while trying to get the most out of every minute, and every inch of potential space… we ignore how much we may be wasting, mindlessly doodling the alphabet or some such nonsense which leaves no space for the real purpose we began thinking about paper in the first place.

Endless potential.Image

It’s Not Always Easy Being a Skywalker

skywalker

The awkward physical part of me, is what people interact with.   And then there is my internal world which bleeds out into the physical through my words.

I have come to realize, this is certainly a confusing situation for everyone.

When you live life loathing the conversations about weather and the news; it seems only right and personally challenging to take those conversations and speak of them in a manner which actually reflects larger issues.

This is the curse of not being able to step into the shallow pools of existence with out some goggles and a snorkel… to get deeper than the water appears…maybe dig in the sand a little.

I have a very deep spiritual world.  I don’t see apparitions, or anything.  I don’t hear voices (very often.)  But I have always had a very divine internal guidance.

I realized this at a young age, and it has kept me challenged and annoyed.

Logic, process, sensibility, resourcefulness, and creativity are very natural attributes to my thinking.  At times I find it odd that more of humanity are not in touch with these rather insightful and useful intuitive tools.

I wish I could easily share them, as I believe it would make all of our lives easier.  Alas… I must wait.

It can be tedious walking the fine line between the Heaven and the Earth.  I do it, but it tires me at times.  And then other times it is so uplifting, and surreal.  It isn’t consistent, however.

For those who know me, please, cut through the bullshit, and get to the point.  Let us spend our time contemplating the bigger things that matter.  Because all of this stuff that we see outside the vastness ourselves… is only illusory.

Our stories should not begin and end with CNN social commentary, or Friday’s weather outlook and the extended forecast.

I want to know your personal observation of society, and how it reflects the you and me and all those infinite “I’s” out there.

I want to know the weather in your heart and mind.  I want to know why your eyes look overcast when I mention the word, ‘lost.’

We are pits, and crevasse’s, we are pools, and nebula’s of energetic equations.

We are a fabric of humanity which can not be bought or sold at the GAP.

Our laughter tickles the planet.  Upon it we are effected.

How then knowing we are starlight, and sunshine, and all the wonders of science and spirituality bound into this flesh… have we stumbled so hard

How have we become so closed minded and lost…when most amazing thing there is, is Us.

The possibilities we hold in our DNA.. the potential of every choice, the ability to change

in, an, instant.

Please, let us cut through the bullshit… we have so much left to explore

Submit to Abandonment

portalTake a moment to really meditate on the word “submission.”

What kind of feelings does it convey for you? Can you conjure the words?

Does it leave you feeling some what deflated, and limp?  Weak or powerless?

Maybe it feels productive some how…earned?  A relief.

How about the word “abandon”?

Is the feeling you get from this word visceral?  Deep and wide, like some sort of void?

Or perhaps it makes you feel free?  Without attachment and strings?

Words, words, words.

Perceptions, definitions, placation, sublimation, choices in participation… a positive and negative to every situation…silly souls sitting in stagnation.

Ok, words.  Powerful things.  Creatures with a life of their own, they are; these, words.

Triggers, even… or some may say.  We know through Gnosis words are magic, and organic, and mystic upside down simplistic ways of toying with physical manifestation.

I am doing it now… though through no specific attempt of my own.   This is just something that happens when I step bare foot into the flow that is already occurring.  Tonight, the water is a temperature which sets well with my blood.

In early 2003, I had moved home to “regroup”.  In my spare time I was participating in self led yoga.  I received an unexpected and green Christmas greeting from a friend on the West Coast.

I found it all so inspiring, and the weather so conducive, that despite the 30 degree temperature, I found a cozy spot of intense sun and 90 degree reflection on the deck and  in that Vitamin D bliss orb, I embarked on a transition in my artistic workings.

A pose came to mind.  The simplest pose there is… Childs Pose.  And that pose to me was Submission…. and Abandonment.

Strangely enough, it’s rich quality had absolutely nothing to do with anything negative.

In yoga, Child’s pose is usually a resting spot between inversions or as a way to end a sequence of moves.  When you examine how the body is positioned, knees tucked into the chest, forehead on the floor… arms extended out; it appears a drastic bow.  As the Muslims do when they pray… or as a child looks, asleep.  As though they fell asleep suddenly, submitting to their own exhaustion.

Literally, we think about submission… and to many, it means “giving up.”

Wikipedia says “Submission is the acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one’s superior or superiors.”

This brings up the questions..Hmmm who is MY Superior?  Why would I submit to anything less?  Why does ‘submission’ and ‘submit’ feel like dirty words?  Why am I compelled to “feel submission” from a Higher Stand point? (More about this in a minute…)

Abandon…

How many people feel positive about THAT word?  I mean, honestly I think we could create a whole subculture of people who could associate to the best and worst attributes that would be connected to the the “Abandonment Tribe.”

Of all the situations that have fallen through, for the millions of hopeful souls out there… or for all the parents who died before their child’s ideal prime, only to be blamed in the big cosmic game, that is… Abandon (ment) has received quite a nasty rap… and yet it has SO MANY definitions…

People rarely take time to think and talk about all the things; people, and ideas that they have chosen to abandon over time, in order to grow and clear room for the new.  People have take sick pleasure in the seeming abuse of “being abandoned.”

It is an easy route to sympathy.  It is a scapegoat meant only for rainy day amusement.

Abandonment is SO BIG.  And WAY LESS nasty that we have given it credit for.

To loose all abandon; is to let go totally.  No longer is there consequence or forethought.  There is only the action which exists in the moment.

Many people find that to be dangerous and scary.   Abandonment has earned it’s bad rap through the perception of personal experience mixed equal parts, Fear God Complex.

Think about all the best parts of not giving a fuck what others think.  To abandon worry, or care… many find this irresponsible  and once they have partaken in it, find themselves in a retaliation cycle of guilt.

A person can walk with abandon and submission with out walking at all in negativity…

To walk and not care, to feel bliss and blessed by being regardless?

Yep, it’s pretty easy to do.  In fact your heart already knows how to…  You live and let live… You speak your mind when it feels right, You love despite doubt.  You breathe deep and enjoy the air in your lungs.  You do what is best for your Higher Self… you say “No” when your heart tells you… You cry at the beauty of nature with no shame… You see something GREATER in YOURSELF and in OTHERS… and YOU ARE SICK OF DENYING or pushing it to the wayside.

Submission and Abandon… well they are like two adopted sisters from the ghetto, living with a “good Christian family.”   The bad name branded through perception as a double edged sword.  But really they try just as hard with their lessons, and they show up when you don’t expect them to… and they show, they are not mutually exclusive when it comes to duality…

So Abandon all reason and doubt… Submit to Love, light and Laughter.

Transform the norm to Extraordinary!Image

What if You found out You Are an Angel?

heartSeriously… what if you found out you are an angel?  Think about all the ways that revelation could go down.

I mean, you have to think that however the big reveal goes, has to be in alignment with the shock and acceptance of the Angel being revealed.

Could be really fucking nerve wrecking… earth shattering…strange.

I suppose there would have to be a recoup period… unless they use tactics which play to  strengths within your acceptance… it would probably have to start with the Ego, and use it as an asset.

Right now, all I can think about is cinematic “ghost reveals.”  It always seems people have a hard time finding out they are dead, especially when it is in the movies.   I can only guess that finding out you are an angel is even more traumatic to some degree.

I mean if you find out you are just a stagnant spirit your options are limited…. Angels…. whew… they have BIG personalities… wings…potentially asexual genitalia….ACCESS TO HEAVEN…. big job those Angels have.

So you find out that you have A BIGGER JOB WITH MORE RESPONSIBILITIES THAN YOU DID AS A HUMAN….. What the WHAT?

I know, I know…. it’s because when you think of Angels, you think of Heaven, which seems like it should be super chill and less heavy on responsibly….  But then your big Angel brain is all like, “whoa, Heavy, heady, and Heaven all start with H-E-A… and ‘V’  SOUNDS like a ‘D’ in SOME LANGUAGES…..”

That is when shit gets fucked.

Your brain starts making all these far out connections, because now you have access to the furthest reaches of this perceived Universe….

After decompression comes debriefing.  And that is like the best boring class of EVER…. you leave feeling really ENLIGHTENED… but completely Carfunkeled…. because your heart and brain and now working in tandem with your Spiritual Ego… and it is down right frightening.  Not scary like, but just WHOAH, holy crap, WHOAH! energy pouring out of your words and movements…. it would be a lot to get use to.

Lucky for Angels, time is not perceived as it is here in EARth, so this works to everyone’s advantage.

You go through Angel training camp… learn the ropes… get eased into those wings.

Next thing you know you are back on EARth but in a different way… and to everyone else it is but a blink of an eye… because Time isn’t what anyone thinks it is….

And you stand there, where you left but a blink ago, a different Hue-Man.  Only to be reborn in a moment with some new comprehension of your place, space and face….

Things look the same and some how different.  It is refreshing with this new sense of height; the ability to separate and still be connected.  The experience of  renewed purpose with out a solid definition… the ability to work with the Ego and not fight it.

Words change as they flow from your lips because in this moment, EVERYTHING has meaning… and Nothing is separate from the Whole.

The mission of the Ego shifts to accommodate it’s comrades of Consciousness, Truth, Compassion and Love… The rule book changes to alleviate suffering in an uncommon and New way.

Finding Divinity presents itself as worth while and rewarding.

Just imagine, if You found out You are an Angel.Image

letter to myself early 2000’s

letterTo remove myself from the impending miserable situation, i am composing this;

agreed upon this date and time

i compose this little rhyme

about a girl in a bit of a mess

a situation leaving her feeling less

boy less drama and petty woes

homeless and poor

but on her toes

….this sucks, to add to a list of woes in my life, I have forgotten how to write.  Or perhaps I have lost inspiration.  Good poetry is born of misery?  Who is reading happy poetry?  Worse yet, who writes happy poetry?

I’d be happy if I was busy.  And if I was busy, I wouldn’t have time to write poetry.

Those who are writing poetry and professing to be happy, sure must have a lot of time on their hands.

And this is some same old feeling… like I was 12 again.

Have I really matured?

How could it be that I have changed so much, if I still feel the same?

In this state of mind I am not sad about the current issue.  At this moment I am completely detached from it.

Yes, I wish things were more convenient but it really isn’t a big deal.

You have people willing to help.

The things I am so attached to, about this relationship, are not things I need.

YOU, are independent, but you are required to be more responsible.

Watch your money, and don’t get too frustrated.

None of the people willing to help you will let you spend a night with out a roof over your head.

Regardless, it is your job to get out of this situation where you need help.

And it REALLY may mean putting some things on hold for a while to get other things in order.

Besides, you have postponed certain things til this point anyway.

Things may suck, but you really don’t know, a REALLY BAD situation.  But you sure are afraid of experiencing one.

I know you think you can’t afford that right now…

First priority…make some cash.

Get out of where you are, take all graces, with gracefulness and respect.

Stay friends.  Do not burn bridges… You may not plan on crossing them again, but you sure as hell have no reason to burn the one you exited across.

Not talking for a while is not as hard as you are making it.  Just make the decision and stick to it.  Get over it, stop being so dramatic.  This is only going to be as dramatic as you make it.

You were expecting it, and you always said you would just “let it go.”

You are strong.  You don’t need the attention you are seeking.

You can handle this .  You can be calm and rational.

Better things are waiting.

If you keep freaking out, better things will never happen.

Roll with this, PLEASE!

You need a place, and a car.

Ugh, more bills?  More responsibilities?

Comes with the territory.

Where you want to be depends on the individual importance.

Enroll in instruction?

blah blah blah… programmed. ugh.

The excitement of new potential

muralI can’t stop thinking… or feeling that there is something bigger that I am missing.  Something BIGGER than the biggest big I could conceptualize.  Everyday the search begins again.  Little pieces to the bigger puzzle, leaving me empowered and confused.  Addicted to the search.  I have gained so many new tools in my stability that I have started to feel that rumble and shake inside telling me to move on and use this newly acquired knowledge.

I received some cash today for art.  I  put it in a thin necked Vodka bottle.  It is harder to get it out that way.  I want 500 to travel with.  What is 500 bucks?  Nothing.  Bills in a bottle.  I am almost a tenth of the way there.  Not bad.  Should be easy  enough.  I make it harder with its easy accessibility.  I have to set up my own boundaries.  That too should be easy enough as I seem to set some sort of boundary for myself on a daily basis.  Not even the good kind.  No doubt as I tackle the task of breaking the boundaries I will be learning new skills of survival.

I live very much in a now and present future oriented mindset.  I aquire what I need in the moment as a way of confirming my energy in work… I think I am in the surplus.  This excites me, I just yet have not seen the total fruits of my labor.  This should be exciting fruition.

I have not yet traveled as much as I would have liked, to the distances I have hoped to see.  This will be a future manifestation when I finally have something tangible to offer.  But what is this; all these journals and pictures?  Is that not tangible?  Sure but it is the old journey and I am in the drivers seat for something new.  I am a pioneer who has yet to pick their path for the destination.

I ask inspiration to guide me into uncharted water.  I want to ride the current to a place few find because they fight the flow.  Getting caught up in a cove somewhere so close to paradise.  Always wondering the great “what if?” (Something I refuse to suffocate from.)

This acquisition of comfort is such a gift.  I have all I need and more in this moment, but I need more movement to balance this fixture of roots.  I am ready to dive deep and move forward in flow.

I ask that I am offered support, and that I be willing to accept it when it is fulfilling for everyone involved.  This is truly and exciting journey.

Oldies from the broken books

Voice

 

You are here to share your knowledge that war and violence are not the answer

You are here to share with the world; infinite beauty and creation

You are here to share the one true law, is love

You are here to love and empower yourself

You are here to love and empower the people of the world

You are a spokesperson for Humanity

You are here to live and love in the Now moment

You are here to keep your vision toward future love

Through this you will realize you are here to be Righteous

It will not matter if you are right

—————————————————————————————————————-

Judgmental

disrespectful, am I at times of this human race

My equals I placate

Putting them to disgrace in my minds eye

for pasts undeniable

Their feats definable to me

Past sins relived by mine own attachment to my own past

I rehash memories vibrant to me regardless of their own revelations

I get the sensation at times I fancy myself better

but why?

In my eagerness to retaliate to I lose the ability to translate life’s hardships of  the last five years

Thinking any one but my own tears are inequitable

Maybe others have changed from their deranged lives

Do I deny their struggle to survive life

My fall back, being my desire to attack those who believed themselves better than me

When equality is all I seek from beginning to end

I defend my right to  outcast myself, with no help from my peers

Succumbing to my own fears, I live to their expectation

I should find relation in this unmatched world

Crying for words to be heard; but reveling in my own deaf state

Looking for someone to translate the language I invented for those like me

And yet, somehow abandoned

I am stranded on this island of prejudice from those like me

But articulately they pursue academia while I run from the opportunity

The words dribbling from my mouth are more than you can handle

That is the scandal of my world, how absurd I must seem to lookers on

Beyond my own horizon I fear the speech of those with degrees

Afraid they will judge me inadequately

Unable to see the knowledge I manifest from my experience

They laugh and call me silly actor

That I would rather preach my knowledge on a stage or screen

No one wants to know me so I cling to those who cherish the unseen manifest through my skills

It doesn’t even pay these bills or support this life

Sometimes I want to die because my gifts sit dormant

waiting to be unlocked

Who will rock my world with a chance to impress

I regress

My talents limitless to those who provide an opportunity

But first

Someone must see talent in me, which may mean succumbing

To a place that makes my heart race and my vessels swell with unease

Unable to breathe the pollution

But I seek a solution and some guidance

I have reliance on nothing but myself and my ambition

What a situation for  a young woman of almost 24 with nothing more than some boxes

and a couple hundred in cash

That won’t last a day in Manhattan or LA

What the fuck am I to do on the move to Oregon in just two weeks

I’ve got to get it straight and try to relate to where I am landing

My man, demanding so much of me

But it has nothing to do with my passion

I don’t honestly know if satisfaction is part of the plan, but I hope it is

Otherwise, I can’t handle this

So now I will take a moment to breathe and think the best for me

No matter what I’ll prevail, ride the hail into the real storm

I’ll be reborn in this fucked up world.

Until then I will concentrate on breathing, not heaving in an overwhelming way

And I will conquer my dreams despite the delay

But I would rather have all the support of every connection I know

24 is almost here, purpose driven, void of fear

CONTEMPLATION on Flow- Sacred Water

Where are you living?

What are you doing?

What are your relationships?

Are you in right relation?

Where is your water?

Know your garden.

It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.

Be good to each other.

And do not look outside yourself for the leader.”

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said,

“This could be a good time!”

“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.

They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.

“Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from you attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

— attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder

Hopi Nation

Oraibi, Arizona

(Here is an audio recording I made of my Ode to Water.)

Have you heard of my beautiful friend Water?

The innovator of the phrase “Let it Flow.”

You may have seen her, she gets around quite a bit

Oh that Sweet Water

She is quite the mover and shaker

She has friends all over , and all sorts adore her.

She came to be when her two gay Hydrogen Fathers approached their good friend Oxygen with the idea of creation

new life , beginning.

The conversation had been stirring that life had become a little to stagnant and sticky

The Hydrogens and Oxygen felt a need to let in a little flow

And despite their differences, felt a bit like innovators with their idea

It took a while to figure out a formula that worked…

But then those Hydrogen Fathers sandwiched Oxygen between themselves

And Water was born

Out of polarity came this Neutral Solvant

In a sense it was structured improvisation

All the elements working in their own way

Nature tending toward perfection

Despite how odd the occurrence, or how illogical it may seem

Within this improvisation was a creation of malleability

Water was a mischievous youth and a wonderful teacher

She has always been a fantastic imitator, with a photographic memory

She ran wild through the woods blessing all she could touch

Taking in everything it had to offer

Adding it to herself

And then moving on in her unique way

There was no boundary she could not reach beyond

Even when She was out of sight, she was still around

She traveled where ever her heart wanted to go

Growing large and vast

Connecting herself to everything she came into contact with

Leaving pieces of herself behind as to grow her ideas of prospective change

Magical adaptation

Ultimate mobility and convergence

Water was always ahead of her time

The other elements were a bit jealous of her ability to transmutate herself

Not realizing she was changing them, as she changed herself

In any situation or environment she touched

They marveled at her cooperative relationship to Temperature

And wondered at her ability to patiently weather all stages of her cycles

Even when she was at times Cold as Ice, she was still quite graceful

It was a common observation that she could be the most gentle of the elements

And also one of the most threatening.

When I was a child, my grandfather told me, “If you respect water, She will respect you; If you honor Her, she will teach you to Honor yourself.”

And when I would swim within that skin of Water, I would gently pull my arms down on her

Breaking the surface tension and submersing my self inside her

Thinking always, that she would hold me and move me along

As I grew, I became closer to Water, she enjoyed the respect and came to visit often

She would follow me on all my travels and she never complained about the weather

Except to say she thought the Desert had an unspoken grudge

Which was fine, because I rarely traveled anywhere but through the Desert to some other lush region

We talked long about the Desert, and its sense of helplessness that it disguises through resilience.

Water joked that anywhere she wasn’t allowed to hang out for too long, was no place for anyone to be

Some had accused Water of being a bit of a loiter at inconvenient times

Water knows more about this Earth and everyone on it than you could even imagine.

I suppose if she was anyone else she would be a big gossip, but actually she is a fantastic secret keeper

Water remembered every conversation, every thought, every prayer

She always knew my worries and needs

And when recognized would become the most brilliant amplifier

She absorbed every change, flowed through every integration

When others didn’t want to be like anyone else

Water was always totally herself, meaning to say

Water wanted to be EVERYONE and EVERYTHING always, and forever

Which is exactly what she is

Everything and nothing

She loves when you gaze within her shimmering eyes to see your own reflection

Because you are her, and she is you

She was born knowing that

It is her mission to share that knowledge, hence all of her worldly travels

From the tiniest blood vessel to the widest sea

She’s been there, all up in it

Sometimes she shares the beauty she has experienced through her snowflakes,

little perfect geometric shapes

Water captures prayers and praises and changes them into the most beautiful little expressions

And if you stare at the sky and attempt to catch them on your tongue

Did you know you are taking inside of yourself; someone elses prayer or affirmation as it falls back to earth.

You are sharing a piece of someone else, which has inherently been recorded and crystallized by Water?

When you bathe in water you are sitting in a collection of thoughts and experiences and eliminations.

And Water is in bliss when you finally see it for yourself

Water tells us that just as she must come, she must go

And as she gathers along her way, she must release

She reminds us that as we take time to eliminate her from our bodies, through exertion and elimination

She says it’s good to consciously get rid of old thoughts that are no longer serving us

And that it is also a process in the cycle to appreciate and honor

At times it may seem Water is stressed out by life

Angered by the sight of pain and dis-ease

And she will come wailing in from the sky hitting eyes of passers by as they run for shelter

In her seeming helter skelter

And people curse her for reigning down

Thinking, something as gentle as water should never create waves

But some days she can’t help herself. She can be a catalytic force to be reckoned with.

It would be ridiculous to think one with such a brilliant memory would remember to be gentle all the time

Think of all the pain and destruction she has seen not at her own hand

Like tears in your eyes sometimes things need to be washed away

To clean house and start over

She has shared so much of herself with us

And we have unconsciously given back so much crap

That at times it seems like she is attacking

But She, just as we, at times need to purge

What most fail to see is the lesson of our own reflection

Our willingness toward emotional pollution

Our blames and lack of solutions

Our anger at our environment and ourselves

Our desire for help

But our unwillingness to change

What if change just means perspective

Water has been teaching us the whole time that our ability to handle all of this is within our control

But we let go of our cooperation some time ago

Slowly there are those hoping to win it back

They see the potential of fluidity in humanity

They understand the plan at the hand of Water

They want her to guide us

Because she cut her own path

And she constantly goes back to Source

She learns and takes with her wherever she goes

She flows freely, changing environmentally, adding to biology

Always giving back

Constant cycles

Her consciousness is ALL of US

We can not exist with out what she has to offer

Her filing cabinet is the planet,

It is the record keeper and proof that she was here and somehow, someway made a difference

Now is our chance to share our appreciation for Water

If everyday we choose to Bless her, she will be more willing to share her secrets with us

The first secret is this, you are never far from Truth and change than when this you do

Say, “Water, Great recorder keeper, Great Transmutator, Blessed Giver of Life

I honor You, I thank you! I love you, for you are the cutter of the path, the source of moisture to the Earth, Vapor of the Rainbows, A silent White morning Evident in our Sky

You flow around me, through me, and back to the Earth

Constantly changing , and yet always staying in some form

Water, I bless you, I honor you

Thank you Great Teacher

I walk in the path of respect for You”

Thank her daily, and her secrets will seep inside of you

One must ask first for her knowledge

It is part of sacred development to learn to ask for it

And then to be willing to receive what She has to offer

She teaches her lessons many ways, and one must not judge it with any sense of duality

Water is not good or bad

She is what she is.

The reflection of the observer

Blessed to have her as a Great Teacher

Always blessed to be her Student

But this too is perspective,

Water has been known to manipulate change in the perspectives of others

The difference is in the conscious realization

Which is when she says to you “let it flow. Just let it go and ride with it.

Take a deep breathe, keep your eyes open and drop off the edge

Get really, really wet

Don’t fight the current, watch out for obstruction

Use your body, mind and soul

Together

That is the function

Have confidence

You CAN handle this.”