Category Archives: Art

letter to myself early 2000’s

letterTo remove myself from the impending miserable situation, i am composing this;

agreed upon this date and time

i compose this little rhyme

about a girl in a bit of a mess

a situation leaving her feeling less

boy less drama and petty woes

homeless and poor

but on her toes

….this sucks, to add to a list of woes in my life, I have forgotten how to write.  Or perhaps I have lost inspiration.  Good poetry is born of misery?  Who is reading happy poetry?  Worse yet, who writes happy poetry?

I’d be happy if I was busy.  And if I was busy, I wouldn’t have time to write poetry.

Those who are writing poetry and professing to be happy, sure must have a lot of time on their hands.

And this is some same old feeling… like I was 12 again.

Have I really matured?

How could it be that I have changed so much, if I still feel the same?

In this state of mind I am not sad about the current issue.  At this moment I am completely detached from it.

Yes, I wish things were more convenient but it really isn’t a big deal.

You have people willing to help.

The things I am so attached to, about this relationship, are not things I need.

YOU, are independent, but you are required to be more responsible.

Watch your money, and don’t get too frustrated.

None of the people willing to help you will let you spend a night with out a roof over your head.

Regardless, it is your job to get out of this situation where you need help.

And it REALLY may mean putting some things on hold for a while to get other things in order.

Besides, you have postponed certain things til this point anyway.

Things may suck, but you really don’t know, a REALLY BAD situation.  But you sure are afraid of experiencing one.

I know you think you can’t afford that right now…

First priority…make some cash.

Get out of where you are, take all graces, with gracefulness and respect.

Stay friends.  Do not burn bridges… You may not plan on crossing them again, but you sure as hell have no reason to burn the one you exited across.

Not talking for a while is not as hard as you are making it.  Just make the decision and stick to it.  Get over it, stop being so dramatic.  This is only going to be as dramatic as you make it.

You were expecting it, and you always said you would just “let it go.”

You are strong.  You don’t need the attention you are seeking.

You can handle this .  You can be calm and rational.

Better things are waiting.

If you keep freaking out, better things will never happen.

Roll with this, PLEASE!

You need a place, and a car.

Ugh, more bills?  More responsibilities?

Comes with the territory.

Where you want to be depends on the individual importance.

Enroll in instruction?

blah blah blah… programmed. ugh.

The excitement of new potential

muralI can’t stop thinking… or feeling that there is something bigger that I am missing.  Something BIGGER than the biggest big I could conceptualize.  Everyday the search begins again.  Little pieces to the bigger puzzle, leaving me empowered and confused.  Addicted to the search.  I have gained so many new tools in my stability that I have started to feel that rumble and shake inside telling me to move on and use this newly acquired knowledge.

I received some cash today for art.  I  put it in a thin necked Vodka bottle.  It is harder to get it out that way.  I want 500 to travel with.  What is 500 bucks?  Nothing.  Bills in a bottle.  I am almost a tenth of the way there.  Not bad.  Should be easy  enough.  I make it harder with its easy accessibility.  I have to set up my own boundaries.  That too should be easy enough as I seem to set some sort of boundary for myself on a daily basis.  Not even the good kind.  No doubt as I tackle the task of breaking the boundaries I will be learning new skills of survival.

I live very much in a now and present future oriented mindset.  I aquire what I need in the moment as a way of confirming my energy in work… I think I am in the surplus.  This excites me, I just yet have not seen the total fruits of my labor.  This should be exciting fruition.

I have not yet traveled as much as I would have liked, to the distances I have hoped to see.  This will be a future manifestation when I finally have something tangible to offer.  But what is this; all these journals and pictures?  Is that not tangible?  Sure but it is the old journey and I am in the drivers seat for something new.  I am a pioneer who has yet to pick their path for the destination.

I ask inspiration to guide me into uncharted water.  I want to ride the current to a place few find because they fight the flow.  Getting caught up in a cove somewhere so close to paradise.  Always wondering the great “what if?” (Something I refuse to suffocate from.)

This acquisition of comfort is such a gift.  I have all I need and more in this moment, but I need more movement to balance this fixture of roots.  I am ready to dive deep and move forward in flow.

I ask that I am offered support, and that I be willing to accept it when it is fulfilling for everyone involved.  This is truly and exciting journey.

Oldies from the broken books

Voice

 

You are here to share your knowledge that war and violence are not the answer

You are here to share with the world; infinite beauty and creation

You are here to share the one true law, is love

You are here to love and empower yourself

You are here to love and empower the people of the world

You are a spokesperson for Humanity

You are here to live and love in the Now moment

You are here to keep your vision toward future love

Through this you will realize you are here to be Righteous

It will not matter if you are right

—————————————————————————————————————-

Judgmental

disrespectful, am I at times of this human race

My equals I placate

Putting them to disgrace in my minds eye

for pasts undeniable

Their feats definable to me

Past sins relived by mine own attachment to my own past

I rehash memories vibrant to me regardless of their own revelations

I get the sensation at times I fancy myself better

but why?

In my eagerness to retaliate to I lose the ability to translate life’s hardships of  the last five years

Thinking any one but my own tears are inequitable

Maybe others have changed from their deranged lives

Do I deny their struggle to survive life

My fall back, being my desire to attack those who believed themselves better than me

When equality is all I seek from beginning to end

I defend my right to  outcast myself, with no help from my peers

Succumbing to my own fears, I live to their expectation

I should find relation in this unmatched world

Crying for words to be heard; but reveling in my own deaf state

Looking for someone to translate the language I invented for those like me

And yet, somehow abandoned

I am stranded on this island of prejudice from those like me

But articulately they pursue academia while I run from the opportunity

The words dribbling from my mouth are more than you can handle

That is the scandal of my world, how absurd I must seem to lookers on

Beyond my own horizon I fear the speech of those with degrees

Afraid they will judge me inadequately

Unable to see the knowledge I manifest from my experience

They laugh and call me silly actor

That I would rather preach my knowledge on a stage or screen

No one wants to know me so I cling to those who cherish the unseen manifest through my skills

It doesn’t even pay these bills or support this life

Sometimes I want to die because my gifts sit dormant

waiting to be unlocked

Who will rock my world with a chance to impress

I regress

My talents limitless to those who provide an opportunity

But first

Someone must see talent in me, which may mean succumbing

To a place that makes my heart race and my vessels swell with unease

Unable to breathe the pollution

But I seek a solution and some guidance

I have reliance on nothing but myself and my ambition

What a situation for  a young woman of almost 24 with nothing more than some boxes

and a couple hundred in cash

That won’t last a day in Manhattan or LA

What the fuck am I to do on the move to Oregon in just two weeks

I’ve got to get it straight and try to relate to where I am landing

My man, demanding so much of me

But it has nothing to do with my passion

I don’t honestly know if satisfaction is part of the plan, but I hope it is

Otherwise, I can’t handle this

So now I will take a moment to breathe and think the best for me

No matter what I’ll prevail, ride the hail into the real storm

I’ll be reborn in this fucked up world.

Until then I will concentrate on breathing, not heaving in an overwhelming way

And I will conquer my dreams despite the delay

But I would rather have all the support of every connection I know

24 is almost here, purpose driven, void of fear

Contimplations on Flow- Sacred Water

Where are you living?

What are you doing?

spirit brain

What are your relationships?

Are you in right relation?

Where is your water?

Know your garden.

It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.

Be good to each other.

And do not look outside yourself for the leader.”

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time!”

“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.

They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.

“Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle

of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and

celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, Least of all ourselves. For the moment

that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

“The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from you attitude and

your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

— attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder

Hopi Nation

Oraibi, Arizona

Have you heard of my beautiful friend Water?

The innovator of the phrase “Let it Flow.”

You may have seen her, she gets around quite a bit

Oh that Sweet Water

She is quite the mover and shaker

She has friends all over , and all sorts adore her.

She came to be when her two gay Hydrogen Fathers approached their good friend Oxygen with the idea of creation

new life , beginning.

The conversation had been stirring that life had become a little to stagnant and sticky

The Hydrogens and Oxygen felt a need to let in a little flow

And despite their differences, felt a bit like innovators with their idea

It took a while to figure out a formula that worked…

But then those Hydrogen Fathers sandwiched Oxygen between themselves

And Water was born

Out of polarity came this Neutral Solvant

In a sense it was structured improvisation

All the elements working in their own way

Nature tending toward perfection

Despite how odd the occurrence, or how illogical it may seem

Within this improvisation was a creation of malleability

Water was a mischievous youth and a wonderful teacher

She has always been a fantastic imitator, with a photographic memory

She ran wild through the woods blessing all she could touch

Taking in everything it had to offer

Adding it to herself

And then moving on in her unique way

There was no boundary she could not reach beyond

Even when She was out of sight, she was still around

She traveled where ever her heart wanted to go

Growing large and vast

Connecting herself to everything she came into contact with

Leaving pieces of herself behind as to grow her ideas of prospective change

Magical adaptation

Ultimate mobility and convergence

Water was always ahead of her time

The other elements were a bit jealous of her ability to transmutate herself

Not realizing she was changing them, as she changed herself

In any situation or environment she touched

They marveled at her cooperative relationship to Temperature

And wondered at her ability to patiently weather all stages of her cycles

Even when she was at times Cold as Ice, she was still quite graceful

It was a common observation that she could be the most gentle of the elements

And also one of the most threatening.

When I was a child, my grandfather told me, “If you respect water, She will respect you; If you honor Her, she will teach you to Honor yourself.”

And when I would swim within that skin of Water, I would gently pull my arms down on her

Breaking the surface tension and submersing my self inside her

Thinking always, that she would hold me and move me along

As I grew, I became closer to Water, she enjoyed the respect and came to visit often

She would follow me on all my travels and she never complained about the weather

Except to say she thought the Desert had an unspoken grudge

Which was fine, because I rarely traveled anywhere but through the Desert to some other lush region

We talked long about the Desert, and its sense of helplessness that it disguises through resilience.

Water joked that anywhere she wasn’t allowed to hang out for too long, was no place for anyone to be

Some had accused Water of being a bit of a loiter at inconvenient times

Water knows more about this Earth and everyone on it than you could even imagine.

I suppose if she was anyone else she would be a big gossip, but actually she is a fantastic secret keeper

Water remembered every conversation, every thought, every prayer

She always knew my worries and needs

And when recognized would become the most brilliant amplifier

She absorbed every change, flowed through every integration

When others didn’t want to be like anyone else

Water was always totally herself, meaning to say

Water wanted to be EVERYONE and EVERYTHING always, and forever

Which is exactly what she is

Everything and nothing

She loves when you gaze within her shimmering eyes to see your own reflection

Because you are her, and she is you

She was born knowing that

It is her mission to share that knowledge, hence all of her worldly travels

From the tiniest blood vessel to the widest sea

She’s been there, all up in it

Sometimes she shares the beauty she has experienced through her snowflakes,

little perfect geometric shapes

Water captures prayers and praises and changes them into the most beautiful little expressions

And if you stare at the sky and attempt to catch them on your tongue

Did you know you are taking inside of yourself; someone elses prayer or affirmation as it falls back to earth.

You are sharing a piece of someone else, which has inherently been recorded and crystallized by Water?

When you bathe in water you are sitting in a collection of thoughts and experiences and eliminations.

And Water is in bliss when you finally see it for yourself

Water tells us that just as she must come, she must go

And as she gathers along her way, she must release

She reminds us that as we take time to eliminate her from our bodies, through exertion and elimination

She says it’s good to consciously get rid of old thoughts that are no longer serving us

And that it is also a process in the cycle to appreciate and honor

At times it may seem Water is stressed out by life

Angered by the sight of pain and dis-ease

And she will come wailing in from the sky hitting eyes of passers by as they run for shelter

In her seeming helter skelter

And people curse her for reigning down

Thinking, something as gentle as water should never create waves

But some days she can’t help herself. She can be a catalytic force to be reckoned with.

It would be ridiculous to think one with such a brilliant memory would remember to be gentle all the time

Think of all the pain and destruction she has seen not at her own hand

Like tears in your eyes sometimes things need to be washed away

To clean house and start over

She has shared so much of herself with us

And we have unconsciously given back so much crap

That at times it seems like she is attacking

But She, just as we, at times need to purge

What most fail to see is the lesson of our own reflection

Our willingness toward emotional pollution

Our blames and lack of solutions

Our anger at our environment and ourselves

Our desire for help

But our unwillingness to change

What if change just means perspective

Water has been teaching us the whole time that our ability to handle all of this is within our control

But we let go of our cooperation some time ago

Slowly there are those hoping to win it back

They see the potential of fluidity in humanity

They understand the plan at the hand of Water

They want her to guide us

Because she cut her own path

And she constantly goes back to Source

She learns and takes with her wherever she goes

She flows freely, changing environmentally, adding to biology

Always giving back

Constant cycles

Her consciousness is ALL of US

We can not exist with out what she has to offer

Her filing cabinet is the planet,

It is the record keeper and proof that she was here and somehow, someway made a difference

Now is our chance to share our appreciation for Water

If everyday we choose to Bless her, she will be more willing to share her secrets with us

The first secret is this, you are never far from Truth and change than when this you do

Say, “Water, Great recorder keeper, Great Transmutator, Blessed Giver of Life

I honor You, I thank you! I love you, for you are the cutter of the path, the source of moisture to the Earth, Vapor of the Rainbows, A silent White morning Evident in our Sky

You flow around me, through me, and back to the Earth

Constantly changing , and yet always staying in some form

Water, I bless you, I honor you

Thank you Great Teacher

I walk in the path of respect for You”

Thank her daily, and her secrets will seep inside of you

One must ask first for her knowledge

It is part of sacred development to learn to ask for it

And then to be willing to receive what She has to offer

She teaches her lessons many ways, and one must not judge it with any sense of duality

Water is not good or bad

She is what she is.

The reflection of the observer

Blessed to have her as a Great Teacher

Always blessed to be her Student

But this too is perspective,

Water has been known to manipulate change in the perspectives of others

The difference is in the conscious realization

Which is when she says to you “let it flow. Just let it go and ride with it.

Take a deep breathe, keep your eyes open and drop off the edge

Get really, really wet

Don’t fight the current, watch out for obstruction

Use your body, mind and soul

Together

That is the function

Have confidence

You CAN handle this.”

Doo Doo Duality Transcendence

mindIn my dream I was told that nothing was gonna happen, nothing was going to change, that the biggest deception of all, believing the world will rearrange.

And in my dream I thought to myself, well if nothing changes, than I refuse to go on, because I have a purpose inside that tells me I have to keep keepin’ on.

The East and the West are melding and lines have only been drawn in our minds. This Red Electric Skywalker will teach you to walk the thin line, then how to absolve what you find.

In physicality we have demonstrated demonology, we have played the part of duality, it has been inside of you and me for as long as we remember.

But when you slumber there are chances to rise above it.  To see what it has done to us.  You’ve chosen your own symbology, decided what it means to be: Human. 

But the Spirit in you, the one you haven’t given much credit to, has been on the sidelines this entire time guiding you through the mucky muck, when you thought it was just random luck.

Face it, we have been coerced to see the worst in ourselves and one another.  We understand now the possibility that lies within negativity. 

It’s become so blatant to see all around us.  We have fussed, and fought; been internally wrought with confusion.  We have ignored our own solutions.  The little hiding gem beneath the soiled dirt, beyond the pain and hurt, is love. 

Just love unconditional. 

When you dig down to find it, you will be guided by the light it gives.  And when you finally hold it in your hands, you understand the duality of man, and how to transcend it.  We weren’t left here with out devices to find love when the time was right.  So now, it is time for the light to absolve us.  To lighten the load below us.  To walk the clouds of confidence that lift us in love.

For the things you do not love in yourself, there is solution.  Change yourself in internal evolution, let your cells speak of revolution, for they are fighting  back.  When the vibrations of the lower start to choke you, let Universal Unconditional Love, stroke you back to health. 

You are a potential wealth of love.  No one can give it to you, find it for you, or tell you exactly where to go… but if you listen without judgment, that heaven sent map will guide you on your individual way, to the place of your hearts calling. 

So to those who dismiss the greatest mission we have ever had, well they just haven’t found theirs yet.

Let go of the things you’ve been told forever, walk through the stormy weather with a smile.  All the while knowing, that this motion is the needed emotion to making the world a little bit better. 

Again she said,

This is all in your head.

Shane

I have been thinking about a friend I once had, who sadly killed himself last year. His birth name was Shane Neary. Most of his life he was known as Steven Klingsporn. I met Shane at the Dream Lodge in Mount Shasta. He was one of the motley crew to pass through it’s doors.
Shane and a couple of our friends had some pretty bizarre adventures when he was still around. He was not your average bloke.
In the late nineties and early 2000 he worked as a computer programmer, which meant he had a lot of time to be on the computer, by the time I met him, he was an out of work dot com-er. * Apparently he was a young genius in tech and one of the youngest people to be hired by Apple back in the day.*
He was  *said to have been* suffering from bouts of depression and extreme paranoia boarding schizophrenia. He was hearing voices and following a deep rabbit hole of conspiracies against the people of the world inflicted by Illuminati.
He felt ties to the Sylvan Learning Center.   (If I recall correctly it was the name of the Sylvan Learning Centers.)   This was all attached to involvement in abducting, abusing, and using children for mind control.

In the last years that I knew Shane, he felt he needed to right the wrongs of those people; and he had brought to him, people who felt connected to his cause. Last year when I got news of Shane’s death, I became curious. To this day, there is no obituary that I can find stating what really happened. I have not been able to track down his adopted parents.

His Tribe.net page still exists and the writing from his last night on earth seem to reflect his inability to overcome the program that was causing him to be too unstable to survive.
I don’t know exactly what Shane was going through. I know he felt helpless in a world needing help. A pure soul trying to undo all the damage already done. It drove him crazy.
Maybe he was abducted as a child, brain washed and implanted. Maybe the voices he heard really were the government enacting their own form of population control. I don’t know for sure. But I know Shane was good, and true, and it’s sad to me that his digging into  the abuse of children literally took him to such a rock bottom, there was no escape.
If a soul can still exist as energy moving through these ether, than I ask Shane to show us the truth, to speak into our ears so that we may fight the unseen force with the power given to us through the bounty of Creation.
We need to use our own wise consciousness that speaks from the heart in order to create a new solution. We have already allowed such weakness into our mind, body and souls. All of it further facilitated by our willingness to sign ourselves over to programs, drugs and organizations with a bigger darker plan. Are we really thinking for ourselves?

Are you really as depressed as you think you are, or is it just the programming around you that allows you that life view? We need to clean ourselves from the inside out, top to bottom.
Oh and by the way, Prozac is really really bad for you.

** Update 8/19/2017 – posts from Shane that haven’t ever come up in my searches before.  http://www.harmonycentral.com/forum/forum/Off-Topic/acapella-12/1066399-

**Update 7/25/18-  With all of the exposure toward Ritual Abuse, Pedophilia and children being sold into sex slavery, I am more inclined than ever to believe everything Shane told me.  His adopted brother is the person who told me Shane was diagnosed as schizophrenic.   Shane was the first person I had ever talked to who brought up these topics and I have been following the thread since I met him in 2006.  My heart goes out to all the victims and I can’t wait for all of this to blow open.  I don’t know if there will ever be justice, but it’s time to lift the veil.