Tag Archives: Work

Love, Life and Ego Death

Today I give some contemplation on the escalation of the number of individuals experiencing Ego death in our modern world, also known as depression. I discuss where people can get lost when it happens, it’s purpose overall and the way to endure it and come out the other side.

 

Testing the Water

Alright.  Cheers and welcome.

I am making an attempt to add to my creative satiation by creating a a podcast that has no specific direction.  Neat huh?

If it was a personal ad, it would say ” Seeking Interesting Conversation”

“Hermit Noun seeks insightful conversation with people who would rather discuss vs. argue.  Seeking people who like to think out of the box but still navigate with a moral compass.  Hoping to do more than compare notes and commiserate, let’s find the treasure together and share the bounty- ”

Cute. Right?

I guess I don’t really care and it’s one of those moments when I again throw caution to the wind and set it forth.  I will ask your assistance in momentum, because it will dictate a certain direction – This is definitely for me and you, but I want your help and involvement to make it something worth while.  Think of it as a group project, a collaborative effort where I do most the work, but I don’t actually have to do anything at all because, duh, we aren’t in high school and this experiment is a choice, not a mandate.

FUN!

If you have a half hour- check  out my shaky, unguided pilot.  If you do, I would appreciate it if you leave a comment and tell me what you think (good, bad- whatever.)  If you check it out, share it, even if you don’t like it.   Maybe it wasn’t for you today.  But I bet you know someone who might like it because you like me and that is how networking works on the most pure of levels.

I’m pretty excited to share this rather impromptu recording regardless…. It’s nice to put my voice out there again- talking about the daily reflection.  Today I compare our desires  and obligations/ draws and distractions- to a junk drawer.

Experimental Story part 1

She walked inside the liquor store and headed to the whiskey section, knowing it was going to be a rough night of transmutations.  The bodies had been building up around the liquor store proximity,  and no one was willing to help with their transition.

“They don’t call them Spirits, for nothing.” She mumbled to herself as she grabbed a bottle of Jameson off the shelf and headed to the register.

What the Living were unable to see, was the portal the liquor store was built upon.  No, it wasn’t an ancient burial site or a lay line per say- It was an artificial portal with a contract for operation, and that contract was nearing it’s end, which made it amplify it’s effect for a long range- like that final electrical release that happens from a faulty conduit.  The last blast was bound to shock the neighborhoods within a three mile range on every side.

Years previously, when the liquor store was mearly a small local bar, there were human volunteers that acted as a release valve for possible misfortune and violence, but most of them had ended up dying of consumption or what might be seen as insanity. Many generations passed and no one seemed willing or knowledgeable enough to pick up the Transmutation Torch.

She had no idea how she fell into this gig and surmised it was vicinity and convenience. She didn’t realize how on point she was with this assumption. She had the innate skills and was willing but ignorant.  No one approached her about it, everything just sort of fell into place and before she knew it- she had become a local representative of transmissions between life and death and communication with these Spirits.  She was more than a release valve, she was a kind of  compassionate but reckless reaper.

As she walked home with the bottle tucked beneath her jacket, she was given the transmission that this is a job few qualify for; that it was her philosophy that “Everything is temporary” that convinced the Soul Council to recommend  and essentially assign her to this hard to articulate task.  She had also previously set a strong energetic protection boundary around her, and this was rare, but an essential upgrade from previous Transmutators.   They knew that she had the muster to take on the amplification through the transmutation process, She came from a resilient line.  Of course it was all quite a bit of a risk, because she was also seen as impulsive.   To Soul Council Majority, She was a risk worth taking.

As She walked through the door She contemplated what this would mean in the long run.  She knew there was a reason they called it Spirits and Poison; the reason the medical community called it a depressant or addictive.  She knew.  That was another reason she was the perfect candidate.  They admired her awareness of herself and of things seen beyond the normal spectrum.  This Spirit situation needed to be regulated before it exploded.

Have you ever read a Portal Contract before?  They are lengthy, full of stipulations and very fine print.  They are tiresome to read and edit, and even more tiresome to try and comprehend.  It takes a Portal Contract Specialist to mind these matters, and those are also a dying breed.

The Spirit game has really changed over the last decade or so. Used more as a source of entertainment than their actual function of Soul Transport and Evolution.  Doesn’t that seem to be the case with so many things these days?

There were just so many reasons She was the perfect replacement for a job no one wanted.

No one asked if She was willing or able. She didn’t really have a say in the matter.  Like any job she was allowed “vacations” or breaks- but honestly it was going to be like Black Friday for her for several years.  The longest anyone had lasted was a year, but the pool of willing Transmutation Correspondents was a lot bigger then.  At one point people were literally lining up for the job- most were dispelled quickly as they were easily distracted from the job at hand, using it as a free bar tab.  Turn over could be high, but if one stuck, they could be there for five years tops.   A stipulation of the contract was duration for Transmutation.

It’s a well known fact that Spirit Transmutation is one of the hardest jobs a living human can have.  There is a constant bombardment of frequencies, and random variation from external output which can define the outcome and put extra pressure on the physical human meat suit.

One might ask why a Higher Spirit isn’t given the job; it’s because the job is a boot camp for initiation to Higher Spirit and the job requires previously mentioned meat suit.  She certainly didn’t know this when the transmissions started flowing in a few months before the confirmation transmission was sent.

Imagine a rather ordinary thirty something woman with what could be seen as a problem with consumption.  Imagine that same woman is met with a job that would require that she continue her consumption.  Now some may call that a demon, and that is what the Spirits do… but imagine that is only half of the story.

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“The blood that runs through these veins have seen unrecorded history.  It’s felt the damage of life times ravaged through experience.  It’s run across the land like a river taking parts of the landscape with it. It’s left parts and parcels of it’s mineral content in the wake of its flow.  It’s been absorbed back into the Earth like it should, only to assist in nourishment for the local surroundings creating a vibration that resonates for miles. She gives and she takes in perfect balance.”

There was no rational or discernible reason for these words to flow into her mind in this moment, but they did. She found herself inspired and confused.  What did it mean? She tried to slough it off as a last remaining mental by product of her moon cycle, finding its slow transition outward and down to be flushed back into the eternal life recycle we call Local Water Purification.

“If only they knew.” She outwardly commented to no one as she discarded the blood stained tissue into the toilet and watched as it swirled away.

The Soul Council had noticed these mental behaviors in her.  A sort of appreciation for the mundane yet macabre.  She was able to see beyond the 3D layers, and interpret the meaning of the symbols embedded into everyday life. The Soul Council had found, over time, that this capacity was necessary to the job, but a skill few had.  To make matters worse those who did have it, essentially lived in denial and found themselves reluctant when encouraged to entertain the notion, much less the actual experimentation of an essential element that made up their being.

Portions of the Soul Council thought that the program should be all together ignored; they argued that there was a reason no one was qualified nor wanted the job. Nothing in the contract said that position had to be filled. Their suggestion was to let the Portal Contract run it’s course, as chaotic as it may be, and sort out the rest later.  In the mean time find a top notch Portal Contract Negotiator that would be able to align contracts for any mess that may be made in the mean time.

The majority of the Soul Council argued that it would be unethical to abandon the station if they were aware of a candidate that could fulfill more than the basic requirements, and that the contract was Soul related, so  the initiated had no choice but to at least man the position until the term ended or they failed… whatever came first.  And that was the sad nature of it.  The candidates historically and consistently failed before their term was met.

Those few in the Soul Council who would rather abandon the project, coincidentally, were the newest and youngest members on the board.   The Elders in favor of this new solution felt that their experience with this situation was keeping in the alignment of the soon to be void Contract.

And all the while these distinctive and life changing Soul Council Conversations occur on the outskirts of awareness… this strange 30 something year old woman keeps plugging along daily- completely unaware that she is about to be employed by Spirit full time with no discernible vacation, no discernible benefits, no advertised severance package and no unemployment safety net if everything goes to hell in a hand-basket.  It wasn’t even a “paid” position, per say… it was more akin to an unpaid internship.  It may seem crude, but Soul Councils aren’t even known for “thank you” cards when a human helps them reach a solution.

In modern terms, you may say that “This bitch that lives down the street from the liquor store, is about to get shook by Spirits she never even knew existed so close to her proximity.  She’s got a job she didn’t know she applied for, and things are going to get weird.”

 

 

Everything Leading to the Apex

The vibration of the soul, and the blood combined brings forth our flesh, in this spiritual contract we manifest in form, the features of history within us.

It’s true that they are attempting to kill off certain bloodlines.  To suppress certain peoples.  Those peoples feel the Truth in their own life blood.  It’s required that they meet a certain range in vibration in order to be activated.

There are many yet to activated and they are being drawn in various directions in order to harvest the life force they have left while being blind to their own brilliance.

In actuality the frequency and vibration is killing off those who seek to kill off the “Natural Light.”

This is where we meet the trans-human agenda.  The desire for clones and all around trans-formative manipulation geared toward infinite longevity.

Those of Natural Light in Creation know the Truth.  It was contract as such.  We don’t need modern technology to utilize it, once we remember it exists.

The best thing technology gave us, was the ability to reconnect instantly.  The result is an archive of shared remembrance.  If this medium goes away, know that your heart has an internal voice that needs no words to speak.  You have internal eyes that see beyond your dreams.  You have a gut that brings awareness to things that are amiss.

We are already full operating systems that have to remember how to get back to the home feed- alone. That is Heaven, or Infinity.   The journey is singular at your own pace until it isn’t.

If you have been feeling something is amiss; it has been.  If you feel a strange shift; it’s shifting.  If you feel a calling for Higher Truth; follow it.

end of transmission

Alignment

One of the most amazing things that can happen, is when you want something to happen and it does without any active provocation.

Today I was able to chat with the best friend of my deceased brother.  I’m sure he is mentioned somewhere in this digital archive that I need to go have printed at Kinko’s/ Fed Ex.

We don’t talk often, but when we do, I think it is stellar both domestically and celestially.

Let’s face it, I don’t talk to many people very often.  And when I have a day of insightful conversation I know the world is about to shift again. I feel like everyone else does, just before it happens… a sense of imbalance, perhaps a need to purge, vent and connect.

If people were stars, I would be a distant star in the middle of a few clusters.   I might even be a nebula in the middle of some star systems… I don’t know, I am not an astrophysicist, I am a writer/ thinker who likes analogies.

Either way, shit is happening on the other side of the veil and I am well aware of it, and so are you, even if you don’t get it.

9/11 is a hallmark day.  (Like Hallmark Cards.  If you don’t have words for it, Hallmark has a card for it.)  Only, if Hallmark has a card, it is cryptic.  You’d be better to wait for their holiday ornament.

Feeling uppity or downity with your friends and fam today?  Feeling a strong desire to make life changing decisions with little to no planning?  Writing things like this, that may seem cryptic?

It’s what is up right now.  World wide.  This is part of the “matrix” the “construct.”  There is a self destruct mechanism built into the program.

Fight it.  Stop falling in line with this false “make it look pretty, because it is better than nothing” paradigm.  Fight it, and STOP IT.

I won’t until I’m stopped.

It’s another precipice.

People like me feel ultimate isolation because there is little to inspire real connection and the game gets old.  So if you face certain realities, while realizing that the best connections you may have will be momentary in times of struggle.  You realize you have to hold tight when others can’t. The only way this is possible is when you realize the bigger joke of the matter and if we really do live in game theory, some of us are the people you have to find in order to save yourself in the game in order to move to the next phase.

I’m no savior, but I am a point of re-connection to  that other reality which is unavoidable at some point.

Hit me up when things get weird.

Get Clean!

I hate cleaning. Unless I’m angry.

My initials are M.E.S.; let me break some of this down.

Growing up, my Step Mom was quite the “Martha Stewart” (huh, I wonder if Martha’s middle name is Elizabeth, too).  Each weekend my brother and I had to have our rooms clean by the end of the day on Sunday.

Like most kids I liked to play outside, read books and watch cartoons.  Who in their right mind would want to be inside cleaning, on the weekend?

I saw the down side of cleaning at a young age- that down side, is the strong urge to immediately make another mess.  See, when it is always messy, it just goes through degrees of discord but everything is already out, ready to use at a moments notice.  When it was clean and organized, I would want to use it all, at the same time- right way!

I’d hate to totally misrepresent myself with a false sense of simplistic organization.

The weekends it was easiest to de-clutter and clean, were the weekends I was most upset about something, and may or may not be confined to my room as a sort of punishment.  These were the best cleaning days.  I would take the entire weekend to “disassemble to reassemble”, fueled purely by rage, passion, angst and melancholy.

I would take the rage out, by dumping everything onto the floor, and passionately sorting it all out, pain-painstakingly putting it in it’s  new right place.  The melancholy was evident as I wiped clean the drawers while listening to moody music.  I would clean it ALL, and not just the knick knack shelves and obvious flat surfaces I was required to dust.  I would process my emotions by attempting to control order.

By the time our rooms were to be checked on Sunday, I would be running low on energy and I would end up with a small pile of miscellaneous, which would be dedicated to the perpetual epicenter of chaos that is a junk drawer.

Cleaning, to me represents anger, isolation and process.   It is the absolute feeling of controlling ones own environment.  It can be a safe, yet violent upheaval with peaceful results.  Rearrangement or superficial change are the quickest ways to to feel renewal, or personal shift.  How much we actually settle into the temporary nature of it, depends on the individual.

For me, I am a mess.  I can keep it together for everyone else.   For them, I can color within the lines and organize like no ones business…. but for me, it just doesn’t take a priority.  And that is weird, because I really appreciate cleanliness.

We all know what it is like to stay overnight somewhere and the bathroom is filthy.  “Like, how many years of pubic hairs have accumulated at the base of your toilet?” kind of gross.

My Step Mom helped me to appreciate the not so subtle and subtle nuances of cleanliness.  I am forever grateful that she made me and my brother take turns cleaning the bathroom.  I appreciate the fact that I now have an ingrained disgust for piling amounts of filth.

-Side note, I remember (way back when) I was nineteen, looking for places to live in the SF Bay Area, and I was checking out roommate situations.  I found a Craigslist Ad for a woman looking for live in help/ roommate in the downtown Oakland area.  I figured out how to get there on bus to meet with her and the minute I walked in, I wanted to walk right back out.

I don’t have animal allergies but the minute she opened the door I saw the draft catch a massive amount of cat hair and it was whirled into the air, falling like a cat hair shower.

As she showed me around the place, I mentally noted how it was absolutely puuurfect, except for her inability to clean up after seemingly, anything. The four cats, obviously were not pulling their weight in this household,  rather they were just letting it accumulate in the corners.   I quickly found my way out and back to the bus.

I could tell you more stories about gross roommates, but I will save you your stomach.

I try to be a self contained mess.  My room is organized, overall… but it is cluttered at times mostly with clothes.  If I am in the middle of a project, or a show, my stuff get’s scattered in public areas; I keep this to a minimum.

Then, there is the work space.  It’s much like my childhood bedroom… it goes through a revamp when I am frustrated.  My creativity and cleanliness are both tied to boiling emotions, or anxiety.  Sometimes the anxiety is positive, but it seems rare to have that kind of feeling. ( A For Instance is wanting to impress some one but I kind of run with a “No Fucks Given” kind of attitude, so that kind of thing is rare.)

I think I might want to reevaluate my relationship what what I think Cleanliness and/or Order, are.   My Facebook Cleanse has been good, and I am more bored than before! I like creating content that may be useful… so I am thinking about taking my relationship to Clean to a new level and understanding, especially if it means your interaction and support.

I will start with 10 days and see how it goes. Everyday, I have to clean something and write about it. Deep Clean and Deep Dialog.  Maybe it will be a Conversation with Clean.  What can I deep clean over ten days?  How will it make me and my grandma feel?  (She already thinks I clean too much.)

Where will I start?

Last September, I deep cleaned and reorganized my room from top to bottom.  It had been a few years since I had rearranged.  It felt good, and I was sleeping better. I was able to maintain all of it for just under two months, when a kittery came into my life.  Over all, it’s maintained, but I noticed the layer of dust last night and felt a spark of inspiration to renew, again.

There are plenty of places in this four bedroom, one and a half bath home with an attached garage and basement that need attention, yet again.  Maybe I can reprocess parts of myself by taking note in the journey.  Do you want to hear about healing through cleaning?  They do say that “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”.  This could be interesting.

The nice thing about writing, is the accountability in publishing a series.  I don’t really market or advertise my work.  My follow-ship is pretty small.  If you do like my writing, and benefit from it in some way; I will remind you that it is always okay to share and that I do have a paypal link on the homepage for this site.   I won’t complain a bit if you throw a bone or two my way as an appreciation for the content, and I will make sure to shout you out in the next article.

I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I enjoy writing them.  If you have inspirational ideas or insights, please leave a comment or send me message. I appreciate you and Thank you for your patronage!

 

 

 

Team Project

dbu4zqhpgyRemember, Once Upon A Time… in school, when eventually the teacher would require a team project.  One in which you were not allowed to pick your own group.  Everyone was assigned to their group by the teacher.

Kids like me, hated this.

Kids like me, knew better than to “team up” with just ANYBODY.

No, I was a hard worker, which meant that I wanted to work with the other hard workers… even if they weren’t my favorite people.  I could still admire the fact that they knew how to get down to business and get things done.  I may have no real social entanglements with my team partners, but we were assured a good grade.

Then the project comes along, wherein, all that blows out the window.

In this assignment, everyone has a slacker on their team… except for maybe one lucky team, who coincidentally usually ends up with less people in the group, and they all happen to be highly intelligent and driven.  I would always wonder why I didn’t get selected for that team.

The project would begin, usually with a slower start.  The people in my group would be use to my directive nature, and sit back, and relax while I take the reigns.  I would provoke participation, only to meet a brick wall; knowing in the end, nothing I could say would change their desire to participate.

After all this I would feel used, and drained.  I would feel as though people were taking advantage of my intelligence, drive, creativity, and follow through.

I hated it.  It filled me full of resentment toward both my peers and my teachers.   Especially the teachers.

I would think, “What the hell is wrong with these people to make them think that this assigned group shit is worthwhile on these terms?”

Things like this continue to happen as we get older and out of school.  The boss who takes credit for the work of an employee, the plagiarizer of work done by great artists and thinkers, left to copy and paste into whatever the slacker can not seem to produce for themselves.  I feel like this about artists reproducing the art of someone else, exactly.

Okay, great, you can copy what some one else did, and make it look very similar, perhaps with just a tiny twist of individuality … BUT HAVE YOU NO MIND OF YOUR OWN?  NO STYLE or PERSUASION?    Are you but hollow husks painted to look like a  full head of corn?

This feeling has run into my spiritual life, which I take far more seriously than any of the bullshit we deal with on a mundane basis.

I have been very consciously aware of my connection to the greater whole of humanity for most of my life.  It is that connection alone which leaves me feeling so disconnected at the same time.  It’s as though I was born half in this world, and half in another; and most of the people around me are not interacting with that “other world.”  They don’t understand where I am coming from, or what I am perceiving.

At times it feels very heavy, because it does not just influence me, it influences us all… I just seem to take it harder than most.

In my spiritual world, I have a job.  But it has nothing to do with money, or notoriety, or even happiness.   It is a job much of being a messenger.  Sometimes I have goodness to share, and other times I am the barer of bad news.  And many times, it feels like “DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER.”

I don’t make the rules, I don’t plan the scripting….I just show up, take what I am given and disseminate it to share.  People like me are scattered all over the globe with a tedious job of taking the reigns and leading peers to take a gander at the bigger picture.  To start participating on a higher level.  But we feel in the midst of slackers, who are taking the message too personally and retaliating with spiritual sabotage;  which is such an Earthbound response to knowing that the self is wrong and needs change.

I have to deal with two sets of requirements like taking an Advanced Placement Course.  I have to still mingle with those who don’t grasp the headier concepts.  I have to find patience in dealing with their avoidance.  It really fucking wears me out sometimes.  Imagine living life 24/7… no breaks.  This is the spiritual emotional job I have.  Sometimes people think I am callous, but really I just have little patience anymore for purposeful ignorance.

Now maybe the teachers who are setting us up in these groups… whether physical or spiritual, know something I have not yet grasped.  I mean they must know who strives , and who the slackers are.  They must observe how people catalyze one another, whether for better or worse.  And perhaps it is their experiment toward some sort of social change…. maybe they just think it’s a sick/funny joke.  Either way, we are told, that we will never be given more than we can handle.  I am waiting to see how THAT plays out.

Lately I have felt a tipping point.  I don’t want to help the slackers any more.  There is no excuse for their slacking.  I want them to see that their slacking effects us all, and it puts extra and undue stress on those of us who are already trying to keep balance.  I want to trust that the teachers really know what they are doing, and that they are doing what is best for everyone… but at times those waters are murky.    Lately those waters have been murky.  I want to cash in my chips and to say to hell with it.

But I can’t.  I am not allowed to.  I have to “follow through.”  It’s getting harder, not easier.

If we could all just agree that we are in this together, we all have a spiritual job to do, and show up for… my life would seem less like a losing battle.  I bet you yours would too.