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Are You Kidding Me? You REALLY Believe That?!?!

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“Are you kidding me?  You REALLY, believe, that!?!?!”

I don’t say it out loud to anyone… but my brain screams it all the time.
I can be seen silently shaking my head, rolling my eyes back, face toward the sky, hands rubbing my temples and forehead…

I am disbelief, shock, confusion, exasperation, resignation, and sarcastic humor…tightly knotted up on the inside and my inability to understand, what the hell people could be thinking.

A few topics which create an energetic rise in me like this, are things like “the monetary system,”  “political structures,” “religious doctrine…”

If you are a person who is deeply connected to these systems, and feel they are Truth, and necessary ..well then at some point if we discuss it, I am going to feel like smacking you in the face in hopes of waking your ass up.

These three things are the biggest fictions running our current paradigm.  Few people see through it, or fight it, because they have no better solution, and jumping into the void makes them nervous and fearful.

It’s like an abused woman staying with her abuser, because she does not know where she will go, and she is afraid she will never find love or some one who wants her.  Fucked up shit.

Life is sooo cozy for people who have found solace in these times of material quantity, and spiritual slumber.  Believing their worth can be quantified by their possessions, and bank account digits.  Owning all the proofs of material success; and yet, somehow, always coming up wanting.

Neglecting that nagging internal Truth, that the Spirit, just isn’t really THAT impressed with material wealth.

The mind will retaliate… because it is so accustomed to process and program that it COULDN’T POSSIBLY IMAGINE SOMETHING DIFFERENT… so it will argue for the point…

“But money is nice to have. ”

“If we didn’t have government, everything would be chaos.”

“They are doing this for our safety, and freedom.”

“All you have to do is accept this, and you will be saved.”

“But I give a portion back to society.”

“Maybe they aren’t telling us right now, for our best interests.”

“Well at least I have a roof over my head and food to eat.”

EHHH!  Every one of those statements keeps people bound to a reality which no longer really suits them.

Let me ask you a very sincere question…

Do you REALLY believe that the world is full of terrorists, out to usurp your freedoms?

Do you REALLY believe that  there are a bunch of people out to get US?

From what I have observed from humanity, is that most people, want to live and let live.

Most people are not inherently “evil.”  Rather those who display that sort of behavior, have usually been indocternated or imbalanced in some way which causes that reaction in the world.

So if MOST people are not bad… then why the hell do we let the minority dictate how we exist with one another?

Perhaps it is just laziness?  Partially… a large part of it is fear.
Fear of a better idea, fear of failure, fear of self, fear of peers, fear of change, fear of the unknown.

 

LOOK AT OUR WORLD!  The state of affairs is looking rather dim for those of you who still believe the old lies.

Everyday some new information or situation comes to light, with it bringing the opportunity for each person to enlighten themselves.  Most people will not take this journey because it is a painful process… and let’s face it, most people avoid pain at all costs.  And when it sneaks up, what a dominating mistress can she be.
Choosing to meet with Pain on your own terms can prepare you for the process of letting go and transmuting what once was fearful, into something invigorating… besides, battle scars are hot.

Right now, many people are becoming acquainted with Pain in a new way, for the first time in their lives, because they have avoided themselves for a long time.  Submersed in force fed believes.  Finding within themselves a sort of bipolar soul which  aches so much to expand and break free… yet shackled to it’s scared self, afraid of it’s own power and adaptability.

I don’t want to see this any more… but sadly only those who want to help themselves will.  I leave little bread crumbs for those who wish to explore the other side of themselves.

Slowly I have reached a point where I feel bad for those in the world, which continue to ignore their own Inner Knowing, that these structures of control, are only in place to suppress truly Higher Potential.  Watching them drain themselves in pursuit of fiction, when infinite Abundance, clarity and Truth are but a breath away.

Do not be afraid of yourSelf.  Do not be afraid of what you can not see.  But follow your heart, even if it means jumping off the edge into the Void.

The void is all potential…. and this thing you cling to is like a stuffy old box, tired and outgrown.

 

insight, Writing

Team Project

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dbu4zqhpgyRemember, Once Upon A Time… in school, when eventually the teacher would require a team project.  One in which you were not allowed to pick your own group.  Everyone was assigned to their group by the teacher.

Kids like me, hated this.

Kids like me, knew better than to “team up” with just ANYBODY.

No, I was a hard worker, which meant that I wanted to work with the other hard workers… even if they weren’t my favorite people.  I could still admire the fact that they knew how to get down to business and get things done.  I may have no real social entanglements with my team partners, but we were assured a good grade.

Then the project comes along, wherein, all that blows out the window.

In this assignment, everyone has a slacker on their team… except for maybe one lucky team, who coincidentally usually ends up with less people in the group, and they all happen to be highly intelligent and driven.  I would always wonder why I didn’t get selected for that team.

The project would begin, usually with a slower start.  The people in my group would be use to my directive nature, and sit back, and relax while I take the reigns.  I would provoke participation, only to meet a brick wall; knowing in the end, nothing I could say would change their desire to participate.

After all this I would feel used, and drained.  I would feel as though people were taking advantage of my intelligence, drive, creativity, and follow through.

I hated it.  It filled me full of resentment toward both my peers and my teachers.   Especially the teachers.

I would think, “What the hell is wrong with these people to make them think that this assigned group shit is worthwhile on these terms?”

Things like this continue to happen as we get older and out of school.  The boss who takes credit for the work of an employee, the plagiarizer of work done by great artists and thinkers, left to copy and paste into whatever the slacker can not seem to produce for themselves.  I feel like this about artists reproducing the art of someone else, exactly.

Okay, great, you can copy what some one else did, and make it look very similar, perhaps with just a tiny twist of individuality … BUT HAVE YOU NO MIND OF YOUR OWN?  NO STYLE or PERSUASION?    Are you but hollow husks painted to look like a  full head of corn?

This feeling has run into my spiritual life, which I take far more seriously than any of the bullshit we deal with on a mundane basis.

I have been very consciously aware of my connection to the greater whole of humanity for most of my life.  It is that connection alone which leaves me feeling so disconnected at the same time.  It’s as though I was born half in this world, and half in another; and most of the people around me are not interacting with that “other world.”  They don’t understand where I am coming from, or what I am perceiving.

At times it feels very heavy, because it does not just influence me, it influences us all… I just seem to take it harder than most.

In my spiritual world, I have a job.  But it has nothing to do with money, or notoriety, or even happiness.   It is a job much of being a messenger.  Sometimes I have goodness to share, and other times I am the barer of bad news.  And many times, it feels like “DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER.”

I don’t make the rules, I don’t plan the scripting….I just show up, take what I am given and disseminate it to share.  People like me are scattered all over the globe with a tedious job of taking the reigns and leading peers to take a gander at the bigger picture.  To start participating on a higher level.  But we feel in the midst of slackers, who are taking the message too personally and retaliating with spiritual sabotage;  which is such an Earthbound response to knowing that the self is wrong and needs change.

I have to deal with two sets of requirements like taking an Advanced Placement Course.  I have to still mingle with those who don’t grasp the headier concepts.  I have to find patience in dealing with their avoidance.  It really fucking wears me out sometimes.  Imagine living life 24/7… no breaks.  This is the spiritual emotional job I have.  Sometimes people think I am callous, but really I just have little patience anymore for purposeful ignorance.

Now maybe the teachers who are setting us up in these groups… whether physical or spiritual, know something I have not yet grasped.  I mean they must know who strives , and who the slackers are.  They must observe how people catalyze one another, whether for better or worse.  And perhaps it is their experiment toward some sort of social change…. maybe they just think it’s a sick/funny joke.  Either way, we are told, that we will never be given more than we can handle.  I am waiting to see how THAT plays out.

Lately I have felt a tipping point.  I don’t want to help the slackers any more.  There is no excuse for their slacking.  I want them to see that their slacking effects us all, and it puts extra and undue stress on those of us who are already trying to keep balance.  I want to trust that the teachers really know what they are doing, and that they are doing what is best for everyone… but at times those waters are murky.    Lately those waters have been murky.  I want to cash in my chips and to say to hell with it.

But I can’t.  I am not allowed to.  I have to “follow through.”  It’s getting harder, not easier.

If we could all just agree that we are in this together, we all have a spiritual job to do, and show up for… my life would seem less like a losing battle.  I bet you yours would too.

insight, Writing

F*$K THIS! (may be considered full of foul language… but I say it’s context is right on)

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Image                                                                                                                             Excuse me for being brash… crude; crass, rude, un-Kosher, un-classy, and perhaps even UNACCEPTABLE…. but I am pretty sure I am not the only one, IN THIS BIG yet small World… who at times, thinks; Fuck This.

Fuck it all!  Fuck this, fuck that, and use a whiffle ball bat!

I can’t say what moments bring you to that point, but I DO know I have ’em.  I struggle.  I look at the accumulation of all that is, and see its potential to be so much more… and in the same glance I see all the hurdles and blocks that restrict the way.

I see it every day.  And some days, I feel like a champion. I love a challenge and I am ready to meet any one that may come, head on.  But some days, I just wanna say “Fuck THIS… it isn’t worth my time/energy/creativity/life force.”

It isn’t because I am lazy… but rather because everyday I wake up, I rise with the belief that “Today will be better!  Today I won’t have to give looks of confusion or redundant disbelief, because they will get IT too!  And perhaps today will be the day of harmony!  Finally we can all just get over ourselves and GET ON with Our Next Big Task.”

I get, like two minutes into my day, only to realize….uh well, today probably isn’t THAT Day.  And I know this because I am the first person I encounter in a day… and if I am not, for some reason, bliss-ed out… well chances are no one else is.

There are many philosophical discussions on perspective.  How our perspective, colors and influences the World we see and interact with it.  Cultures far older, honor a system of reflection.  The greater I AM, IS ALL and WE ARE IT, and IT IS US… and so it goes.  Perhaps no One Person is Perfect…but between the collection of our experiences, together we can create a symbiosis of Perfection through Our unique expressions and perceptions.

Anyway… along those lines,  many cultures talk about an up coming “Golden Age.”  A proverbial time many have found intriguing for the fact they feel the same aching, internally, in which says…”Fuck This.”

It doesn’t have to be rude, or mean.  It doesn’t have to even relate to laziness or cowardliness..  Rather it comes from a conclusion, which is far headier than most want to admit to.  It comes down, or rather UP to seeing a bigger picture; which quite frankly may invoke a desire to shit ones pants.

It is the acceptance of our collective nature in a Source, far more multifaceted than modern cultures and religions have given it credit for.  When the Hindus talk about having 33 million Gods in their belief… but One Absolute…  They could be very close to the Truth.  I mean if we are all made of the same star dust; and If We look at Ourselves, We see many faces of God. At that point it seems weird to have such superficial divisions.  (Except for the fact that there are have been those who wish to enslave humanity, knowingly.  And only for nefarious reasons… which we are observing and taking emotional action toward…)

Some of Us are only just now recognizing the repetitive nature of existence.   It’s lessons, our participation, and It’s steadfast nature in conveying impressions of Truth through any avenue.  It is unavoidable.

For some of us,  It seems We have been struggling, consciously, longer than others.

Perhaps this is where competition really stems.  If there is an “end,” then most likely it is “Source.”  Why shouldn’t we rush, and push each other to get there? Like Spiritual Sperm finding the Etheric Egg. Most of Us are in for the long haul, but many of Us are reaching Our own thresholds in a way of in-explainable proportions.

The game is just an old rehash, kids. From every parallel and perpendicular; every story has been played out, far too many times…. EXCEPT,  the ones that include Ascended Masters.

No one gets tired of imagining themselves as some sort of Savior… meanwhile defaulting in  realities mind fuck, in such a way that it relies on some one else to take the proverbial reins and Save, what could be seen as a Sinking Spiritual Ship that is the Hopeless Human.

And that is what separates those who say “Fuck This,”  and mean it as a mantra of not giving up… and those who say the same words, with different tones, resonating in defeat and complete submission to the moment, with out regard to the end result which comes in it’s own way, unprovoked.

I, was a child, who never really liked just chatting about the weather… but I sure did enjoy talking about having control over it.  These are conversations of sages and the Future.  I am by no means calling myself a Sage.  But I will admit to being a voice of the Future, and Let me tell you; The Future is Now.

Sure, sure, sure… people have been saying that for a long time… but never in history (this time around) have We been able to reach such a critical mass of people, so quickly, who see through the bullshit; and know better than to wait on a Savior. THEY= YOU, know You have the ability to Save Yourself/ Us.   You/We are just waiting on the 100th Monkey to pick up the straw, and go with it.

I know at some point, We will get our 100th Monkey… and I will not give up hope.  Just as, in turn I will say;  The journey has been crazy and worth it… and I am here to endure it.  But at times I find We have neglected Our Own Divinity too long.  It’s time to hop on Our Own Soul Train… We have had time to reflect on our past, we have been given opportunities to endlessly rehash… But Now, a new sun on a new horizon, and it is calling Us.

No more fussing and fighting.  Time is calling for Re Uniting.  And we are the ones to live in the New Sun, We are the Ones who bring the blessings of Eternal Guiding.

When I say Fuck This… I honor where we have been… and I get it.

Do You?

When I say I want to move on, it is because my Soul says We Are Bound for SO Much MORE!

May you Master the Fuck Out of This Experience in order to be Confident in moving into the Next .

Art, insight, Writing

letter to myself early 2000’s

Aside Leave a comment

letterTo remove myself from the impending miserable situation, i am composing this;

agreed upon this date and time

i compose this little rhyme

about a girl in a bit of a mess

a situation leaving her feeling less

boy less drama and petty woes

homeless and poor

but on her toes

….this sucks, to add to a list of woes in my life, I have forgotten how to write.  Or perhaps I have lost inspiration.  Good poetry is born of misery?  Who is reading happy poetry?  Worse yet, who writes happy poetry?

I’d be happy if I was busy.  And if I was busy, I wouldn’t have time to write poetry.

Those who are writing poetry and professing to be happy, sure must have a lot of time on their hands.

And this is some same old feeling… like I was 12 again.

Have I really matured?

How could it be that I have changed so much, if I still feel the same?

In this state of mind I am not sad about the current issue.  At this moment I am completely detached from it.

Yes, I wish things were more convenient but it really isn’t a big deal.

You have people willing to help.

The things I am so attached to, about this relationship, are not things I need.

YOU, are independent, but you are required to be more responsible.

Watch your money, and don’t get too frustrated.

None of the people willing to help you will let you spend a night with out a roof over your head.

Regardless, it is your job to get out of this situation where you need help.

And it REALLY may mean putting some things on hold for a while to get other things in order.

Besides, you have postponed certain things til this point anyway.

Things may suck, but you really don’t know, a REALLY BAD situation.  But you sure are afraid of experiencing one.

I know you think you can’t afford that right now…

First priority…make some cash.

Get out of where you are, take all graces, with gracefulness and respect.

Stay friends.  Do not burn bridges… You may not plan on crossing them again, but you sure as hell have no reason to burn the one you exited across.

Not talking for a while is not as hard as you are making it.  Just make the decision and stick to it.  Get over it, stop being so dramatic.  This is only going to be as dramatic as you make it.

You were expecting it, and you always said you would just “let it go.”

You are strong.  You don’t need the attention you are seeking.

You can handle this .  You can be calm and rational.

Better things are waiting.

If you keep freaking out, better things will never happen.

Roll with this, PLEASE!

You need a place, and a car.

Ugh, more bills?  More responsibilities?

Comes with the territory.

Where you want to be depends on the individual importance.

Enroll in instruction?

blah blah blah… programmed. ugh.